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by missingparentheses



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: 1990s, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, Heavy Drinking, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Marriage, Masturbation, Podfic, Teenage Rhink, The dark ages before cell phones were a thing, Vaginal Fingering, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:43:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9182317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missingparentheses/pseuds/missingparentheses
Summary: When Rhett's home life becomes rocky he's forced to reevaluate whether love is worth it, and he takes out his grief on the people closest to him.





	1. Heart of the South

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to the sweet friends who have graciously agreed to help me out along the way as this story unfolds! Help with brainstorming, beta-reading, and fact-checking by [Ren](http://loudspeakr.tumblr.com/), [Jean](http://reedytenors.tumblr.com/), and [Heather](http://ladycynthiana.tumblr.com/). Love you guys!
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>  _*** For an audio version of this fic, contact me at missingparentheses.tumblr.com. (The file expires when it’s unused for a while, but I’m happy to re-upload it whenever someone is interested.) And please leave me kudos and comments here if you listen and enjoy! :) ***_   
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The volume was getting to Rhett, but he wasn’t about to admit it. He found the pounding in his head to be the perfect accompaniment to the pounding of the music in his ears, the playful rock beat of Weezer blasting through his headphones. He dragged his boom box close enough to his bed that he could lie back and read a magazine without yanking the headphone cord out. He flipped through his options -- magazines on music, on basketball, an old Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition he found in Cole’s old room -- and he sighed. Not even Kathy Ireland could lift his spirits right now.

Rhett chose the Rolling Stone but only paged through it for a minute before his eyes were glazing over, and he laid it down on his chest and bent a long arm behind his head. He glanced around his room. It was a mess. There was a pile of carelessly tossed dirty laundry near the hamper, inexcusable for a star high school basketball player. Near his dresser was another pile of clothes, clean and unfolded, gathering wrinkles. His desk was piled with papers, books, empty cans and snack food wrappers, and the whole room badly needed a once-over with a duster and a vacuum. His mom had quit nagging him after a while. “You’re going to have to learn to take responsibility for your own space,” she had said.  “Your roommates aren’t going to clean up after you; you’re not a kid anymore.” Rhett knew she was right. In his mind he envisioned himself cleaning his room, where he would start, but the energy and impetus to drag his long limbs from the bed just weren’t there. Maybe he should start packing for college. That would force him to be a little organized at least. His eyes roamed around the room as he made a mental checklist of what should stay and what should go. Maybe it all should go, or get tossed it if wouldn’t. It wasn’t as if he ever wanted to live with his parents again. Visits on school breaks, sure, but within the next couple months this would no longer be his home, and that was just fine by him.

When a hint of his mother’s voice snaked through the cacophony in his ears, Rhett notched his stereo up further and winced. He was going to blow an eardrum at this rate. With a huff of annoyance, he threw his magazine onto his bed, shoved the headphones off, and mashed the button that switched off the music. He let the irritation swirl through his brain in a noisy racket that failed to drown out the noise in his house as well as Weezer had, but if he fixed his mind on his anger, he could get his shoes on and be out the door sooner than later without ever having to decipher their words.

When he was halfway down the stairs his parents hushed, pacing away from each other with tense shoulders and stiff elbows, and Rhett rolled his eyes as he swept past without a word. He didn’t need to tell them where he was going. It could only be one of two options, and they were clearly too preoccupied with their “everything’s fine” façade to care.

His 1989 Dodge Dynasty, affectionately known as the “Nasty,” welcomed him warmly in the driveway. The wheels crunched as he backed over loose gravel until his tires hit the road, and then Rhett made a show of peeling out with as loud a squeal as he could muster and sped off toward his best friend’s house. A squad car appeared behind a building as he flew past, and Rhett cringed and watched for the flashing red and blue lights he expected in his rearview mirror, but when none appeared he began to breathe again. A ticket was the last thing he needed.

He was at Link’s house and out of the car within minutes, stooping almost without thought to snatch a pebble from his gravel driveway as he rounded the house. When he reached the window of Link’s bedroom, he looked up and squinted, trying to make out any movement inside, then tossed the pebble. It ricocheted off the window and straight at him, and Rhett ducked. He stooped to pick it up again and bounced it in his palm as he waited. He was just winding up to toss it again when Link’s window slid open with a loud, wooden squeak. Link saw his friend’s arm reared back and ducked instinctively.

“Hey, whoa, watch it!”

Rhett chuckled and swung, keeping the pebble firmly in his hand, and Link hit the deck with a muffled curse.

“What the hell, man?”

Rhett laughed as Link reappeared in the window. He showed him the rock still in his hand and made a show of dropping it into the grass at his feet.

“Ha-ha,” Link scoffed. “You comin’ up or what?”

“I need some fresh air. You wanna go for a drive?”

Link shrugged. “Sure. Be right down.”

The window slid shut and Rhett strode back to his car, kicking at twigs and other stray bits of nature in the grass as he walked. Link was already standing in the open doorway pulling on his shoes when Rhett made it to the front of the house.

“We’re just goin’ for a drive!” Link called into the house. Rhett could hear Sue’s voice echoing through the doorway, and he waved toward the dimness inside just in case she could see him.

“Hey, Mama Sue! I’ll have him back in one piece, I promise!”

Link pulled the door shut behind him. “Quit flirtin' with my mom.”

“Never.”

Link rolled his eyes as he flopped into the passenger seat of the Nasty. “Where we headed?”

Rhett fired up the engine. “I dunno. I just needed to get out.”

“Everything okay?”

Rhett didn’t respond as he yanked the gear shift into reverse. He flung a long, freckled arm behind Link’s headrest before backing out onto the road. Then Rhett slammed the gas pedal so hard Link let out a surprised yelp as he was pressed back into his seat, and he gripped the door handle for added security.

“You sure you’re alright, brother?”

“Fine.”

They sailed by rolling green tobacco-scented waves and trees that had stretched their necks and arms long to reach out beyond the borders of this rural North Carolinian town. Rhett had felt like an outsider when he’d landed here as a small child. He wasn’t a lifelong southerner like the apple-cheeked brunette he’d attached himself to on his first day through the doors of Buies Creek Elementary. Link had been the heart of the south, kind and drawling and uncomplicated, and he’d felt like home long before anything else did.

Rhett wondered how long it would have taken him to feel like he belonged here in North Carolina if he hadn’t so quickly made a friend. He vaguely remembered the grief he'd felt when his parents had told him they were moving from their home in California. He had only lived there a couple years by then, but it was the only home he could remember at the young age of five, and North Carolina seemed like the other side of the world. That summer had been misery, and while the details largely escaped him, he could remember snapshots of images and emotions. The moving truck that his world has been wheeled into. The long, slow, boring drive across the country. The way the air in Buies Creek felt thick and wet compared to the dry climate of Thousand Oaks. But the little boy who insisted on coloring in the lines on the first day of school had still managed to smile and tell him his picture looked cool despite the wild way Rhett had scribbled across his own paper. It amazed him even now how such a small act of kindness could drown out so much loneliness and make Rhett feel like he belonged.

***

With all but their underwear discarded on the shore, Link and Rhett splashed into the cool Cape Fear River. They’d barely spoken on the winding, aimless drive through town that had eventually landed them here: their place. They could have easily arrived within minutes had Rhett not taken the very, very scenic route, but despite the comfort that Link found in practicality, he had kept his mouth shut. Rhett’s usual rambling, know-it-all monologues were absent, and so Link had silenced his own tendencies toward cheesy jokes and teasing jabs. He’d snuck glances at his best friend from the corner of his eye during the drive, watching the muscles in Rhett’s jaw bulge and shift over the grinding of his teeth, and now Link stood knee-deep in the swirling current as Rhett floated away without a word. When it became clear he wasn’t waiting up, Link dove in to close the distance between them.

They drifted a few feet apart for long minutes, bare chests glistening in the summer sun as water lapped over their cheeks and foreheads. Link closed his eyes against the light and listened. It was quiet, and it wasn't. Chickadees and cicadas harmonized beyond the wet lick of the river against his ears. Wind rustled in the leaves, leaves grown big and fat and wide in the bright sun and catching every breath from summer’s hot, wet lungs. Rhett’s voice drifted on the air, the sound suddenly distant when Link had thought he was still floating right beside him.

“Link! C’mere!”

Link squinted at the brightness and turned toward the sound. Rhett had climbed onto the bank of a small peninsula, and Link had barely enough time to paddle toward it before the current pulled him too far beyond. Rhett’s arm reached out and Link grasped his hand, allowing himself to be pulled onto shore.

They lay side by side with the sun drying their skin. Together they were simple, effortless. Link was struck with a sudden need to soak it in, their easy companionship, because even though he and Rhett would be roommates once they moved into their dorm in the fall, something would still be lost in the ceremonial passing from childhood to adulthood. This carefree existence they had enjoyed together since first grade would give way to the weight of independence. So many people viewed college as a breaking free of shackles, freedom to explore oneself out from under the roof of parental authority, but Link wasn't so sure. He was excited, of course, but he was protective of the life they had. Who would he be outside of Buies Creek? Who would Rhett be? Would living together change their friendship, and if so, would it be for better or worse?

Link turned his head and glanced at the long-limbed young man beside him. He was almost motionless apart from the slight rise and fall of his chest. Link knew their present silence was uncharacteristic and Rhett clearly had something on his mind, but that didn’t change the fact that there was nothing uncomfortable about silence between them. They could lie here for an hour like this, walk back along the shore, dress and return home without another word spoken, and neither would spare a worry about what it all meant. It wasn’t the silence, after all, that told Link his best friend had something on his mind. In truth, Rhett always had something on his mind. Usually he shared it, but he didn’t have to. What told him Rhett was distracted was the combination of factors: the silence on top of the tension in his body, the furrow in his brow and the tightness of his lips. Link didn’t have to speak, he knew, but he also didn’t have to stay silent.

“So what’s up?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“I mean what’s up? What’s crack-a-lackin’?”

Rhett rolled his head toward his friend and opened one eye. Link offered a toothy grin and Rhett huffed out a chuckle through his nose. He rolled his head back toward the sky and opened the second eye, squinting at fluffy cumulus clouds as they drifted past.

“You know what I think is overrated?” Rhett finally said.

“What?”

“Monogamy.”

Link’s eyebrows knit together, and he propped himself up on his elbow as he turned to face Rhett. “What?”

“You know. Monogamy. Being with one partner for your whole life.”

“Yes, Rhett, I know what monogamy is.”

“Well, it’s stupid.”

Link shook his head and dropped back down to face the sky. “I don’t think it’s stupid.”

“That’s because you’re naïve. You’ve got these starry-eyed ideals and they just aren’t realistic.”

“I’m not naïve, Rhett; my parents divorced before I even met you. It’s not like I’ve got this perfect little nuclear family like some other people I know!”

“Oh, you’re so worldly-wise. You’ve had such a shitty life.”

“Why’re you bein’ a jerk, man?”

Rhett clenched his jaw but stayed silent. Link rolled over onto his front, crossing his forearms beneath his head and closing his eyes. He had almost drifted off to sleep when Rhett spoke again.

“All I’m sayin’ is that maybe all this abstinence crap we’ve been brought up to believe in is just a waste of our lives, y’know? Maybe we should be out there gettin’ some action instead of just beating off in the shower and then feeling guilty about it. I mean, what’s the point of marriage anyway?”

Link lifted his head off of his arms. “Rhett, what the hell are you even talking about?”

“Maybe I should sleep with Megan.”

Link stared at him with his mouth open. “Really? You’ve made it all the way through high school with your virginity intact and now you’re just gonna blow it? Do you love her?”

“No. Does it matter?”

“Um, yeah, kinda… Does she love you?”

“Are you even listening to me? Who the hell cares? What’s it to you if I just need to stick it in somebody warm and willing?”

Link shook his head and laid it back down on his arms. “You’re being a real prick right now.”

“Don’t try to tell me that doesn’t sound appealing.”

“What, screwing your girlfriend?”

Rhett ignored the attempt to agitate him further. “Screwing, _period._ Don’t try and tell me you’re just loving the pure, holy experience of eternal virginity.”

“Who ever said anything about eternity? I don’t plan to die a virgin, Rhett.”

“You could die tomorrow.”

“So I’d better hurry up and get on that, huh? You got any takers lined up for me?”

“Oh, you know half the girls in this town would love to get in your pants.”

In spite of himself, Link chuckled into the cradle of his arms. “Whatever, dude.”

“Deny it all you want. I see them lookin’ at you. Undressing you with their goddamn eyes.”

“You sound jealous.”

Rhett huffed. “Of them or you?”

“You tell me.”

Rhett sat up and wrapped his arms around his shins. Their skin had dried completely under the hot sun, though Link could still feel the cool dampness of his briefs and assumed Rhett’s felt the same. He flipped over and sat up as well, mirroring Rhett’s position as they looked out over the water.

“So when are you gonna tell me what’s up with you?”

“I told you, I’m fine. I’m just sick of this futile game of waiting around for something that will probably just be a joke and a disappointment.”

“You’re a ball of laughs today.”

After another minute or two of looking at the river, Rhett stood and offered Link his hand. They began the walk back along the shore, avoiding the effort of swimming against the current despite the fact that it was gentle today. Their eyes were kept pointedly ahead of them. They’d seen each other in their underwear a thousand times, but that didn’t mean there was any benefit in dwelling on it.

“So,” Link interrupted the silence, “when are you gonna do the deed?”

“I dunno. I gotta see if she’s up for it.”

“Does she want to wait for marriage?”

“Well, judging by the way she’s been clawing at me when we make out, I’d guess not…”

Link shook his head. “You really gonna do it?”

Rhett shrugged. “I don't know, Link. We’ll see. Do you think I should?”

“What do you care what I think?”

“Come on, man, you’re my best friend. We gotta do this together.”

Link’s eyes went wide and his head shot up. “What?”

“I mean, um,” Rhett stammered, “like, solidarity. We gotta get you a girl too. We’ve always been through everything together, y’know? It’s a big deal and all.”

“I thought it was just ‘sticking it in somebody warm and willing’.”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, Rhett, what _do_ you mean? Because you’re not talkin’ like yourself at all.”

Rhett shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m bein’ stupid I guess.”

“Big surprise.”

Link bumped his bare shoulder into Rhett’s upper arm, trying to nudge a laugh out of him, and Rhett graced him with a crooked grin. They reached their pile of clothes and began to climb back into shorts and t-shirts, slipping on socks and shoes, and searching the ground for any items left behind. Rhett scooped up the car keys and wallet he’d hidden beneath the pile and led the way back to the car.

“You wanna go home?” Rhett murmured as he fired up the engine.

Link shrugged. “If you do.”

“Not particularly.”

“Okay, so what then?”

“Can I spend the night?”

Link looked at him with eyebrows raised. “Really? We haven't had a sleepover in years. I thought we were, I dunno, too old for that stuff.”

“Well, we're gonna be roommates soon, aren't we? I might as well get reacquainted with your creepy sleep-talking again.”

Link chuckled and smacked Rhett's bicep with the back of his hand. “Drive me home and I'll ask my mom.”

“Like she'd object. She adores me.”

“What's not to love, huh?”

***

Rhett called home from Link’s house to let his parents know he was spending the night, but when no one answered he left a message on the answering machine. No one had called back ordering him to come home, so he'd taken that as permission to stay.

He didn't mind wearing Link's pajama pants to bed, and he didn't even mind the way his feet hung off the end of the blow-up mattress Mama Sue had inflated for him on the floor of Link's room. It made him smile when he realized the last time he'd slept on it he had been able to fit.

The three of them had eaten scalloped potatoes with ham and green beans, and chocolate ice cream for dessert. Link's mom had tried to get them to watch Matlock with her, and Rhett had agreed even as Link tried to shrug her off, so they'd settled down together on the couch with Sue stretched out in the recliner. When she'd dozed off, Link had signaled to Rhett to head upstairs quick before she woke and objected. Rhett knew Link didn't want to look like a mama’s boy, but Rhett caught him planting a kiss on her forehead as he picked up the remote and flipped off the TV. And Rhett smiled. Link tried to fight his gentle side, but it's what made him so endearing.

Rhett brushed his teeth with a smear of toothpaste on his finger, and they bumped each other's hips as they fought over the bathroom sink, almost spitting toothpaste on each other in the process.

Sue had laid blankets and a pillow on the foot of his mattress, and Rhett unfurled them while Link climbed into his own bed. This house was always so quiet. It smelled like oak and vanilla and the earthy scent of summer creeping through open windows, and Rhett wished idly that he could live here, be Link's actual brother. He flopped onto his stomach on the mattress, his toes grazing the carpet, and listened to the soft sound of Link's breathing lengthen and deepen as sleep took him quickly.

“Link?” Rhett whispered into the darkness.

“Hngh?” Link garbled as he was pulled from the edges of sleep.

“‘Night, brother.”

“Mm, ‘night, Rhett.”

***

The sun was high and scorching by the time Rhett pulled into his driveway the next day. He was reluctant to return, but he knew it was inevitable. Besides, he had to work soon, and he'd have to shower and get some clean clothes now that he was on day two of his current set.

When he stepped through the front door, Rhett was startled by the quiet. Even with Cole away, the house always seemed to have some noise or another -- talking, _arguing,_ a radio, the TV… The door creaked shut with a click behind him, and Rhett kicked off his shoes onto the mat.

“Mom?”

A shuffle and a scrape of chair legs on linoleum echoed from the kitchen, and a moment later Rhett’s father appeared in the doorway. His face was white and drawn, his eyes red.

“Dad? What…?”

“Sit down, son.”

Rhett's breath caught in his throat, panic choking him. “What's wrong, Dad? What happened? Where's Mom?”

“She's...fine, she's alright. Just, please, sit down. I need to talk with you.”

Rhett's eyes jumped to the couch as his father approached it, but he hesitated to join him. He stood frozen in the entryway, dread weighing him to the spot like a sack of rocks across his shoulders. James sat and looked up, his eyes beseeching.

“Rhett, please.”

Slowly Rhett moved to the opposite end of the couch, as far as he could get from his father’s desperation. When he didn't speak, his father sighed.

“Son, I'm sorry. Your mom left.”

Rhett’s eyebrows creased in confusion. “Whaddya mean she left? Where'd she go?”

“I'm not sure. A friend’s. A hotel. She didn't say. Son, listen, there's more.”

Rhett clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. He already knew what his dad was about to say.

“We’re getting a divorce.”


	2. Chink in His Armor

Link looked from one paint can to the next with furrowed brows, then back up at his father. Charles was pointing wildly in the general direction of the cans but without much clarity.

“Link, just...that, and...you...then--”

Link huffed out a frustrated growl. “Dad! What!”

Charles huffed back and threw his hands up in resignation. He marched to the cans, grabbed a yellow and a white, and poured them into a five-gallon bucket with stiff, impatient movements. Link rolled his eyes and went back to painting the primed baseboards a sleek, glossy white. After a few minutes, he glanced at his father and could see that the tension seemed to be slipping from his shoulders and he was back to his usual easy-going self. Link chewed his lip and ran a hand over his short-cropped hair before interrupting the silence.

“Hey, Dad?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

Charles adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat.

“‘Spose so.”

“Did you, uh… Were you a virgin before you got married?”

Link’s father made a small, startled sort of noise in the back of his throat as he poured the newly-mixed pale yellow paint into his roller tray. Link chanced a glance his way and saw the spectrum of emotion cross his father’s face as he worked through the question. The fact was that Link didn’t talk with his parents about sex. They never really had, not if they could help it. But he did feel slightly, if minutely, more comfortable asking his dad about it versus his mom, and Rhett’s tirade about the futility of monogamy had kept him up half the night. His willingness to be vulnerable right now may have had as much to do with the lack of sleep as anything else.

“Well, son, that’s a, uh, complicated question.”

“Is it? It seems like a simple yes or no to me.”

“And it is a bit personal. You did warn me, but…”

Link cleared his throat and focused on his painting. “Oh, uh, okay, sorry. It’s alright, Dad, you don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Charles made another small noise in his throat and picked up his roller with a sigh. “No, it’s alright, son. Do you...have a girlfriend? I wasn’t aware of one lately.”

“No, not right now. I was just...thinkin’ is all. Rhett and I were talking about it and I just…” he trailed off.

Charles was silent for a while, so Link followed his lead. They painted quietly for five minutes, and Link assumed the conversation was over until his father laid his roller carefully in the tray and straightened up, wiping paint-speckled hands on his pants.

“It’s about lunchtime, son. You wanna step outside and take a break?”

Link nodded. “Sure.” They picked up their lunch bags off the kitchen counter of the unoccupied house they were working in and made their way out into the bright sunshine. Charles settled onto the freshly-dried concrete steps and pulled out his salami sandwich while Link extracted the peanut butter and jelly from his own brown paper bag. They ate in silence for a minute before Link’s dad set his sandwich on top of the plastic baggie in his lap and rubbed his hands together.

“The thing is, Link,” he began, his eyes on the walkway ahead of them, “sex isn’t an all or nothin’ kinda thing.”

Link nodded. “I know that, Dad.”

“So to ask whether I was a virgin when I got married is not an easy yes or no question. I mean, we...we didn’t have intercourse until our wedding night if that’s what you wanna know. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t…”

Link nodded quickly. He wanted his dad to know he understood what he was trying to say before he felt he had to finish his sentence. Picturing his parents’ foreplay was a bit too real for him.

“Son, is there… I mean, is there somethin’ you needed to talk about?”

Link shook his head. “Nah, Dad, it’s okay. I was just thinkin’, like I said.”

Charles nodded, then after a thoughtful pause, he took another bite of his sandwich.

***

The Wax Paper Dogz were lined up for a gig that weekend, so they gathered in the Enzors’ garage that night to rehearse. John, their bassist, his brother Matt, their sound guy, and their dad, Benny, who played keys, were all setting up equipment when Link strolled in.

“Hey, man,” Matt said after a glance over his shoulder at their lead singer. “Did Rhett come with you?”

“Nah, I haven’t talked to him. Why?”

“It’s nothin’, I just tried calling him before to ask him to bring somethin’ with him, and no one answered at his house.”

Link shrugged. “He should be here soon I guess.”

The guitarist and drummer, Eric and Jake, showed up together a few minutes later and joined the setup process. Link didn’t have an instrument to hook up and tune, but he helped by running cords while he shot glances at the doorway as their designated start time came and went. When everything was ready to go and Rhett still hadn’t arrived, they decided they might as well start without him.

Rhett had been acting strangely when they were at the river the day before, but by the time they had arrived at Link’s house he had seemed back to his normal self. He might have been a little agitated again when it was time for him to go home the next morning, but Link hadn’t thought much of it.

After the band had run through the first song in their set and Rhett still hadn’t arrived, Link was far too distracted to continue. He ran a hand into his bleached-blond, close-cropped hair and turned toward the keyboard.

“Hey, Benny, can I use your phone? I’m gonna try Rhett, see what’s keepin’ him.”

“Yeah, no problem, Link. Go on in.”

Link nodded thanks and smiled an apology to the guys for the delay. They all understood that he and Rhett were an inseparable pair, so he couldn’t help but feel he had to answer for his best friend, but he knew they all were good friends. There would be a certain amount of grace given to them both. He pushed open the door from the attached garage into the house and strode to the phone hanging on the wall. He punched in Rhett’s home number and waited as it rang. Rhett’s dad finally picked up the phone after several rings.

“Hi Mr. McLaughlin, it’s Link. Is Rhett around? He’s late for band practice.”

Rhett’s father’s tone was more gruff and short than usual. “No, I haven’t seen him since he left for work this morning.”

Link’s eyebrows furrowed as his mind spun through all the possibilities of where his friend could be, then he realized he still hadn’t responded.

“Okay, thanks, Mr. M. If he comes home soon, could you remind him he’s supposed to be here?”

“Sure, Link. I’m, uh...I’m sorry about this. I mean, I know he was upset...”

“S’okay. Thanks again.”

Link hung the receiver in its cradle and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He’d hung up in a hurry despite wanting to pry, but Mr. McLaughlin’s comment had all but confirmed there was something going on with Rhett that he wasn’t opening up about. He wondered if he should call Megan and see if Rhett was with her, but he didn’t know her number. With a shrug he stepped back to the door leading to the garage, and just as he pulled it open, he saw Rhett’s long legs striding into the space.

“Rhett!”

Rhett lifted his chin in acknowledgement but barely glanced his way as he dropped his guitar case heavily onto the concrete floor. The guys in the band were tossing out half-playful, half-serious jabs about Rhett’s tardiness which he appeared to be ignoring as he popped open the latches on his case and pulled the gold Hamer electric guitar from its plush cradle. He slipped the strap over his head, then grabbed the cable jack off the floor and shoved it into his pickup. The teasing jabs had quieted, and everyone was staring at him blankly as he tuned. He strummed a G progression to test the tuning and then turned around to meet the stares of his bandmates.

“What?” When no answer was forthcoming, he addressed Link specifically. “Do I got something on my face?”

“Rhett, you're like an hour late.”

“Well, I'm here now. Are we gonna rehearse or what?”

“Where were you, dude?”

“None of your damn business, Neal, so let's get on with this so I can get outta here!”

Link flinched and the rest of the group looked away in embarrassment. With a lingering look at Rhett, Link addressed the band.

“Alright then. From the top.”

 

When they finished rehearsal a few hours later, Link made it a point to time his departure with Rhett's. The band had nailed down specifics for their arrival time at the gig the next day for setup and warm up, and Link waved goodbye to the guys just as Rhett slunk out without a word.

“Rhett,” Link called after his friend as he strode quickly toward his car. “Wait up, dude!”

When Rhett made no attempt to slow his pace, Link jogged ahead of him to get between Rhett and the Dynasty. Rhett glared down at him.

“I'm tryna get home, Link.”

“Where were you?”

“Did you not hear me before?”

“Sure I heard ya. Where were you?”

Rhett sighed and leveled a scowl at his friend. “It ain't your business, like I said, but if it’ll get you off my back, I was at Megan’s, okay? Can I go now?”

“Oh, uh,” Link felt a wave of emotions run through him. He detected traces of embarrassment, concern, curiosity, and a flash of jealousy. “So, did you, uh…”

“--screw her?”

Link raised his eyebrows and couldn't fight the slight quirk of one corner of his mouth. Rhett held his gaze for long moments, and Link tried desperately to read his thoughts, his veiled emotions. They'd always been so open with each other. They'd never had to hide. Rhett stepped in, narrowing the gap between them, and Link felt a flush creep across his cheeks just as he caught a whiff of alcohol on Rhett’s breath.

“If I did,” Rhett murmured in a dangerous tone, “would you wanna hear about it? Hear how warm and wet and tight she was? How it felt to pop that cherry and listen to the noises she made when she couldn't decide if the pain or the pleasure were more intense?”

Link narrowed his eyes. “You're bluffing. And you’re drunk.”

“Just a little.”

“A little of which?”

“Both I guess.”

“How d’ya mean?”

Rhett leaned in closer with a conspiratorial grin, and Link caught his breath at the proximity. “She _was_ warm and wet and tight. It just might have been my fingers gettin’ those noises out of her and not my cock.”

Link's eyes widened and he swallowed, trying to squelch the arousal he felt rush to his groin. “Really?”

Rhett grinned. “Oh yeah, baby.”

“So, uh… I guess that means you got to, uh…” Link held his palms up a few inches from Rhett's chest and slightly curled his fingers a few times in a squeezing motion. Rhett nodded slyly.

“Buddyroll, if I had my hand up her cooch, doncha think that would mean she was naked? I mean, if you're gonna get to third base you can't skip second.”

Link's eyes widened again. “Whoa.”

“Yeah.”

“So...was it good?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

Link swallowed. “So did she, uh, do anything? Like, to you?”

Rhett shook his head. “Not this time. I'll have to, uh, ya know. Take care of things later.”

Link laughed. “That why you're so anxious to get home?”

“Maybe,” Rhett said with a grin.

Link felt a second rush flood his body at the image but quickly shook off the thought, a practiced habit. He'd gotten used to experiencing flashes of attraction and even arousal toward Rhett that he had long ago labeled as simple confusion. Most boys didn't have friendships as close as theirs, and he figured maybe it wasn't natural so his body just got its signals crossed. When it had started years ago he had agonized about it, prayed about it, cried himself to sleep on the nights he'd given in to the feelings alone in the darkness of his bedroom.

But he was older now and had trained himself long ago to compartmentalize the confusing emotions and lock them away as an anomaly undeserving of further stress. It was the one thing he'd hidden from Rhett, and there was no question that it was the right choice.

“I can't believe you got to see a girl naked, dude. Like, in person. And touch her. That's crazy.”

Rhett chuckled. “I know. It was awesome. You should try it.”

Link rolled his eyes. “No girlfriend, remember?”

“Megan’s best friend is single…”

“Is she cute?”

“Mm-hmm,” Rhett grinned at him.

Link sighed. “I don't know, man. I mean, it’d be cool to have a girlfriend and all, but I'm still not sure I'm with you on this whole ‘screw abstinence’ thing.”

Rhett shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He reached around Link to the handle of his car door, and Link stepped out of the way. “But while you're waiting around for no reason, I'll be enjoying someone's hand besides my own on my cock, so good luck with that.”

Rhett pulled the car door shut, and Link leaned into the open window on his elbows.

“You sure you're okay, man? You're being so weird. You snappin’ under the pressure of getting ready for college or something?”

Rhett sighed. “Look, Link, I really don't wanna talk about it.”

“So there is something to talk about then.”

“Drop it, okay? It's nothing.”

“C’mon, Rhett. It's me.”

“I said drop it!” Rhett shouted, and Link straightened and backed up with his palms out.

“Okay, man. If you say so.”

Rhett opened his mouth to speak, his eyes apologetic, but his lips snapped shut and he shook his head as he pulled from the driveway.

“See ya tomorrow,” Link said as Rhett pulled away, though he was sure he couldn't hear him.

***

Rhett's jaw was sore from clenching his teeth by the time he got home. The house was as eerily quiet as it had been that morning, minimal lights left on, and after a brief search he discovered his dad already asleep. Rhett slumped slowly back down the stairs, each heavy step causing his limbs and head to flop like limp noodles, like every muscle in his body had been sapped of energy. He moved to the kitchen table and sat in the chair nearest the phone, pulling the cordless handset off the receiver and holding it in two hands as he studied the numbers. He traced the square around the number four, the first digit in Megan’s number, as he weighed whether to call her.

He felt like a hypocrite. He was better than this. Rhett knew he was using her, and he didn't want to care, but you don't grow up in the Bible Belt without maintaining some sense of sanctity around the idea of sex. Link had made a good point that it seemed like a waste to hold onto your virginity for this long only to spend it on someone you're not in love with, but that did presuppose there had been value in the preservation of virginity in the first place -- did he believe that? It wasn't as if Megan were confessing her love and he was holding her at arm’s length. Truth be told he was pretty sure she had already done quite a bit before him, if not gone all the way, so it was possible all that talk of popping cherries was more to impress Link than anything else. But what did that matter? It all felt so trivial. It was just bodies, after all. Everyone's got one. Link’s got one too, and he should feel as free to use it as anyone. A body like that shouldn't go to waste while they're young and virile and at their sexual peak.

Rhett jumped when the phone in his hand rang, piercing the silence in the kitchen and the tumult of his thoughts. He shook his head to clear it before he pressed the button that answered the call.

“Hullo?”

“Rhett?”

Rhett swallowed the lump that formed in his throat at the sound of his mother’s voice. “Mom?”

“Oh, baby.” Diane’s voice was shaky with tears just withheld. “Honey, are you okay?”

Rhett leaned into his palm with his elbow against the table. He rubbed his eyes when moisture blurred his vision and tried to keep the tremor from his own voice. He cleared his throat before speaking. “Where are you, Mom?”

“I’m staying at a motel for now, but I'll need to find somewhere more long term. Did your dad, um--”

“--tell me you were getting a divorce?” Rhett wanted to feel badly about the edge in his tone, but he couldn't conjure up the necessary contrition. His mother was silent for a moment on the other end of the line.

“Rhett. Baby, I'm so sorry. Are you mad?”

“No, Mom, it's great. I'm super happy about it.”

“Please don't be like this, honey. I know it's hard, but you don't understand what it's been like--”

“Of course I do! I've been listening to you two scream at each other for months! Do you honestly think your marriage has been falling apart in secret?”

“Rhett James McLaughlin, you listen to me! You do _not_ get to judge me!”

“I'm not judging you, Mom! If anything I'm agreeing with you! Marriage is bullshit, and now I know not to waste my time on it!”

“Rhett!” Diane’s voice broke in a sob and Rhett quieted. He felt the muscles constrict in his chest as she choked through muffled whimpers, and the guilt he'd evaded before caught up with him.

“Mom…”

He heard her sniffle and then move the phone away as she blew her nose. When she spoke he could hear the dignity she infused into her tone. He envisioned her lifting her chin, setting her jaw.

“I'm fine, honey. I'll be fine. You just...you be good for your dad. I'll let you know when I'm settled somewhere and you can come stay with me if...if you want. How’s that sound?”

Rhett nodded despite the fact that she couldn't see him. “Okay, Mama. You sure you're alright?”

“I'm fine. Get some sleep, Rhett.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“That's my boy. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Rhett clicked off the receiver and returned to staring at it. A wave of panic rushed from his heart down his limbs and set his fingers trembling and palms sweating, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to be alone, but he didn't want anyone to see him crumble either. He traced the digits of Link’s phone number and tried to convince himself to press the buttons. Link had seen him cry before. What would be the worst that could happen? Why was he holding himself back from him?

Rhett lifted the phone to its cradle and watched the charging indicator light flicker on, then he stood, pressed his chair under the table, and flicked off the light on his way out of the room. He took the stairs more quietly than last time so as not to wake his father, and once in his room he pulled all his clothes off in a sudden hurried frenzy. He wasn't sure why, but somehow it felt cleansing, like shedding his skin.

Turning to the mirror on his closet door, Rhett studied his body. Basketball had been good to him. He ran light fingertips from his collarbones down, over the curve of his pecs and the ripples of his abs, and he threw himself into the absorption as a way out of his pain. Pain and pleasure were opposites, after all, and sure, they could coexist, but maybe the pain could be quieted. Maybe the further he ran toward pleasure and lust and indulgence, the more distant the sharp realities of his life would be. He sent his mind back to the way Megan had looked stretched out naked on her bed, and when he wrapped his hand around his length, he remembered Link joking about his hurry to get home and do just this, and he chuckled. He remembered the look on Megan’s face when he'd breached her core with his long fingers, the way her eyes had fluttered shut and her lips had parted in a sweet, pink “o”, and he remembered the way Link’s pupils had dilated and his breathing increased when Rhett had described it to him. He began to stroke himself slowly, patiently as he relaxed into the feeling, his mind wandering back to Megan’s soft breasts and the way it felt to flick his tongue across her nipples and listen to her gasp. It was without warning that her face changed in his mind’s eye, and the way her breasts had lay flattened across her chest made it easy for the memory to become fantasy, the soft swell morphing to hardened muscle and the gasps deepening to a more masculine yet equally electrifying timbre. Rhett could barely stop the train of imagination and squeezed his cock hard, baring his teeth in anger and frustration and blinding arousal. He growled as he released himself, eyes wide and furious as he looked around his room for something to ground him back to reality. Something was seriously, desperately wrong with him if he had been fingering his girlfriend mere hours ago and yet couldn't stay focused on the experience long enough to get off without his mind drifting to perverted fantasies of his best friend.

Rhett found yesterday's towel crumpled on his bedroom floor, and he threw it around his waist long enough to get him from his bedroom to the bathroom with his erection hidden. He locked the door and rotated the shower nozzle, setting the temperature as cold as he thought he could stand before he lifted long legs over the edge of the tub and into the swirling water. He shivered and leaned his forehead against the wall opposite the shower head, breathing hard as cold water pounded his fevered skin.

He was so damn sick of this. It was an endless cycle, and it didn't make any sense. With a slight twist of the knob to bring the water up a few degrees, Rhett turned around and leaned his head back against the wall, letting the water hit his stomach and run down his thighs. He was exhausted in every way. It had been a long day. Waking up on a too-short air mattress and having the bomb of his parents’ divorce dropped on him the moment he got home would have been enough, but then he'd spent the day cleaning up construction sites, followed by the headrush of new sexual territory, and a long, tiring band practice to finish the day. Was it really so much to ask that his brain give him one goddamn day off from the battle he'd been fighting since elementary school?

Link had never understood Rhett's obsession with girls. He'd liked girls eventually too, sure, but he'd always been baffled as to why Rhett's crushes had started so young and run so hot for practically as long as they'd known each other. Rhett chuckled bitterly, his voice echoing off the shower walls. He was thankful Link was so oblivious sometimes. What Rhett was sure was a blatantly obvious long-term attempt at distracting both himself and Link from his feelings for his friend had apparently succeeded in fooling Link all this time. But the truth was that Link unraveled him. Rhett’s life orbited his need to prove himself, to be strong and in control, and Link was the chink in his armor. If they were going to room together soon, Rhett would have to have a sturdier distraction than what had sufficed so far, so it was just as well that he had given up on monogamy and abstinence. Sleeping with as many girls as possible was the only way he’d be able to keep from climbing into Link’s bunk in the middle of the night, shoving his hand down his pants, and jerking him off, awake or asleep.

Rhett didn't know when he'd turned the water up hot nor when he'd wrapped his hand around his cock again, but the steam was mingling with the hot breath from his lungs as he panted and whined, his climax already approaching. Try as he might he couldn't hold the image of Megan in his mind. It made him furious, and he flipped around again, pressing his forehead back into the wall while the hot water pelted his lower back and his hand worked his cock at a frantic pace. He tried to clear his mind and think of no one, nothing but the tendrils of pleasure spreading from his groin out to every corner of his body, but his punk-ass best friend kept winding his way into Rhett's mind, his strong hand the one wrapped around his length, his voice the one moaning into the steamy air around him. With his free hand Rhett punched the wall and felt hot tears prick the corners of his eyes. This was the last thing he needed, and if putting his hands and his mouth on a naked woman weren't enough to keep his mind off of Link, then he was lost, hopeless, depraved and vile. He came violently against the shower wall with a choking sob, his mind clouded by the vision of Link’s face in similar ecstasy with Rhett's name on his perfect lips. He punched the wall again as the last of his orgasm slipped away, though the strength in his muscles had escaped, swirling down the drain, making the violence wholly unsatisfying.

Rhett stood under the flow, his breathing slow and even and controlled until the water ran cold again. He didn't even have the energy to dry himself off, so he climbed into bed naked and wet, and he gritted his teeth to keep the tears at bay until he fell asleep.


	3. Blood Brother

Link strode up to the park pavilion sipping a fountain Coke and glancing around for anyone familiar. His band was nowhere to be seen, but once he stepped onto the pavement beneath the shadow of the covered picnic structure he recognized the back of his mom’s co-worker, Caroline Higgins, arranging paper plates and napkins onto a long folding table. He made sure not to creep up too quietly so as not to startle her, and she turned as the sound of his rubber soles slapping the concrete drew near.

“Why, Link Neal!” she beamed at him. “Look at you!”

Link smiled, the attention bringing out his shyness. “Afternoon, Mrs. Higgins.”

Caroline turned and planted her hands on her hips as she looked him up and down. “Well, your mama did say you were gettin’ ready for college, but I suppose I ain’t seen you up close in at least a year or two. You know,” she reached out and placed a hand on his upper arm, “my Robbie’s gonna be so excited to have a live band for his party. Y’all play nice, clean music now, that right?”

Link nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

She squeezed his arm before pulling it back to her hip. “Wonderful. Boy, ain’t you a doll. You keep makin’ your mama proud when you go off on your own this fall, y’hear?”

He grinned. “Yes, ma’am. I will.”

Caroline nodded, satisfied, and raised a long, red fingernail toward the far end of the parking lot. “I’m gonna have y’all set up down there if that’s alright. We shouldn’t need the whole lot for cars and I imagine the grass is a little damp for your equipment. Does that work?”

“Sure, that’ll be fine. The other guys should be here soon and we’ll get set up.”

“Oh, that reminds me! I almost forgot.” Caroline pulled a purse from beneath the folding table and reached inside. She opened her wallet and extracted a wad of cash which she then stuffed into his fist.

“You go ahead and divvy that up any way that seems fair to you, dear,” she said with a wink.

“Yes, ma’am. I’ll split it evenly. Thank you so much.”

Mrs. Higgins patted his cheek. “You’re a good boy. Please, help yourselves to the food when we serve too.”

Link nodded and smiled, then he turned and began to head toward the end of the lot she’d designated as their stage. It wasn’t the most glamorous gig they’d had, but Link was realistic. The Wax Paper Dogz were a small town garage band. He had no illusions of fame. He wasn’t exactly headed toward a future guest appearance on “The Tonight Show” after all, and it was probably just as well. He and Rhett would be engineers, marry some nice girls someday, start families, have boring, average lives, but even if they didn’t have the band for much longer, they would have each other. At least he hoped they would. They’d been through too much together for changing circumstances to change their friendship. That’s what he told himself when he feared the worst, when he felt the pull on his soul as Rhett seemed to draw further away, shutting Link out like they meant almost nothing to each other.

He backed his car up to their makeshift stage and was busy unloading the few speakers and mic stands he’d been able to fit when the others began to arrive. Benny was first, followed closely by his sons who had driven separately to double their equipment-hauling capacity. Jake and Eric had ridden together and were pulling the drum kit piece-by-piece out of Jake’s mom’s minivan when Rhett drove up. Link was surprised to see Megan’s long legs unfold from out of the passenger side. When she spotted him she waved with a flutter of her fingers, and Link waved back, trying not to picture her in the position in which Rhett had described her last time they’d talked. She bounded up to him with a friendly grin.

“Hey, Link! This is so exciting! A real gig!”

Link chuckled. “We’ve had gigs before, you know.”

“Well, this is the first one since Rhett and I got together. I’ve never even heard him play!” She leaned in close with a twinkle in her eye. “Is he any good?”

Link looked past her and responded loudly as Rhett approached from behind. “No, he’s pretty awful. I keep him around out of pity. Y’know, blood brothers and all.”

Rhett rolled his eyes and mimed a sock to Link’s jaw while Megan’s face crinkled up in disgust.

“Eww, what? Blood brothers?” She turned to Rhett in question, Link’s joke forgotten. Rhett looked down and poked at the pavement with the toe of his shoe.

“It’s nothin’, it’s just this thing from when we were kids.”

Link’s eyebrows creased for a moment but he quickly relaxed his features, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, it’s uh...it’s nothin’. We just had this agreement, but it was stupid.”

“An agreement about what?”

Rhett avoided Link’s eyes. “I dunno, to do somethin’ together.”

Megan’s eyes narrowed slightly. “What kinda somethin’? And where does the blood come in?”

Rhett sighed and rolled his eyes again. “It was nothin’, Meg, okay? Help me unload the car?” He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and tugged gently back toward the Nasty until she conceded with an eyeroll of her own and allowed herself to be led.

Watching them go, Link swallowed the golf ball-sized lump in his throat and forcibly shifted his mind back to the task at hand. There wasn’t much set up yet to do before it would be time for tuning and maybe a quick warm-up if they had time before too many party guests began to arrive.

 

Robbie Higgins -- or “Rob” as he preferred to be called -- had graduated from eighth grade, though Link was grateful the party seemed to feature a mixture of age groups and not simply a slew of kids just about to enter high school. The Higgins family was relatively well-to-do for a Buies Creek family and had invited a good-sized crowd. It was clear, however, that there were mixed opinions about the Wax Paper Dogz’s punk-rock style despite their decidedly innocuous lyrics. With plates of steaming barbecue and fixings in hand, a small crowd unfolded their lawn chairs in a semi-circle before the band where Link stood front and center, moving to the music as he belted out the vocals into his microphone. The larger crowd stayed under the pavilion to eat and mingle without having to shout over the blare of the speakers, and scattered guests stood in pockets between the two clusters, having been on their way to one end of the party or the other when someone stopped them for conversation.

Link knew the lyrics by heart and found his mind wandering as he took in the scene. He loved this band, he really did. He loved discovering new talents for singing and songwriting and having some level of local fame as a member of a band. But he knew it was almost over. It had been a good run, but half the band was headed to college soon. This was likely to be one of their last shows before they parted ways, and in some respects he was glad it was ending. The Wax Paper Dogz had been representative of high school, of youth. Now his life was shifting into a new chapter. Sometimes good things end. Sometimes even the best of things. When the lump of emotion began to reform in his throat he turned his attention back outward, back to the flow of the song and the beat of the drums and the heads nodding in time with their rhythm. If this was all he had, he was going to be present. He was going to make the moment last.

***

The late summer sun was setting by the time the band had finished packing up their equipment. Megan lay sprawled across the hood of Rhett’s car, and he watched her, weighing his options. He tore his eyes from her long, tanned legs to find Link, only to catch him looking back. His friend quickly averted his eyes to focus on the cord he was looping across his palm. There was no decision really. Rhett strode to Link's side.

“Hey man, you doin’ anything after?”

“Nah. You got plans with Megan?”

“I, uh…” Rhett reached up to rub the back of his neck. “I gotta drive her home. But you wanna hang out after that?”

Link’s eyes widened in surprise, though he quickly tried to hide it. “Yeah, sure, if you do. Whaddya wanna do?”

“Wanna scope out the pasture?”

Link smiled. “Yeah. You pickin’ me up?”

“Sure thing, brother.”

 

“You were really great, babe. And you looked hot playing that guitar.”

Rhett smirked, glancing at her for a moment before turning his eyes back to the road. “You looked hot watching me play that guitar.”

Megan chuckled and reached across the console. She slid her fingers over the curve of his thigh, dipping them in to graze teasingly at the warmth between his legs without making direct contact. Rhett shuddered and could feel her satisfied grin without looking at her.

“Whatcha wanna do tonight?” Her voice was low and sultry and wrapped around him like warm caramel. “‘Cause I got a few ideas if you don’t.”

Rhett swallowed hard, gathering his willpower before gently placing his palm over the back of her hand and guiding it back to the top of his thigh. “Actually, I told Link I’d hang out with him.”

Megan scoffed and turned her mouth down into a theatrical frown.

“What’s his deal anyway? He seems nice but does he have some sorta guy crush on you? I mean, doesn’t he see you enough as it is?”

Rhett’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t answer, focusing instead on getting her to her house as quickly as he could. After a comment like that he’d lost all interest in what she’d had in mind. Well, almost all interest. The occasional betraying twitch between his legs begged to differ.

“I just really wanted to hang out with you,” she murmured. “I mean, I thought you wanted to--”

“I do! God, I do. I just...I need to spend some time with Link, okay? He’s my best friend.”

He could see her pointed expression from the corner of his eye. “You got a guy crush on him too?”

“Would you shut _up_ , Meg? You’re not helping.”

“Helping with what? And don’t tell me to shut up!”

“Well then don’t call me and Link gay, alright?”

“I never said that!”

“But it’s what you meant!”

They both fell silent as Rhett turned in to her subdivision. Once in her driveway he put the car in park and let it idle, but she made no move to get out of the car.

“I don’t wanna fight, Rhett. I’m sorry. I was just mad you didn’t wanna hang out.”

“I know. I’m sorry I told you to shut up.”

She nodded. “Wanna hang out tomorrow?”

“Yeah, okay. Have a good night.”

“Have fun with Link.” She tried to smile casually and it came out teasing. Rhett glared in reply but couldn’t keep his own mouth from turning up.

“Shut up.”

She wagged a finger at him as she climbed out of her seat. “What did I say, McLaughlin?”

Rhett laughed. “C’mere.” She leaned in across the seat and met him with a kiss, her tongue dancing across his lips until he opened for her. He knew it was a promise of things to come, and the heat of anticipation rolled through him. Before he could stop it a groan escaped his throat, and Megan chuckled.

“You sure you don’t wanna come in, big guy?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

She tapped him on the nose with her fingertip. “Goodnight, Rhett.”

***

The cows were nowhere to be found, but the pasture was alive. Fireflies flickered on and off all around them in an eerie chartreuse, and the boys felt they had no choice but to hush in their presence. They stood still and watched. To take in the whole field at once nearly made them dizzy.

Rhett sat abruptly right in the midst of the ghostly performance, and Link joined him. They mirrored one another in crossing their ankles beneath unpraised knees upon which they rested their forearms.

“I gotta say somethin’ to you,” Rhett said, breaking the silence. Link didn’t respond, so Rhett continued. “I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“Lying to ya. Saying nothin’ was wrong.”

“That mean you're finally gonna talk to me?”

“Well, not if you're gonna be a jerk about it.”

Link cleared his throat. “Sorry. Go on.”

Rhett paused, steeling himself. With a deep breath he let the words out in a rush. “My mom moved out.”

Link's head snapped toward him. “She what??”

“She's in a motel. She wants to find her own place.”

“So what does that--”

“They’re getting a divorce.”

Link was smart enough to know when to shut up. He turned back to look out over the flickering pasture.

“You okay, brother?”

“What do you think?”

Link sighed. “Listen, Rhett.” (Maybe he wasn't so smart.) “Your parents are, like, the world’s best couple. Maybe they'll work it out, ya know?”

Rhett scoffed. “Why would you even say that to me?”

“I mean, have you considered that? Did they give you any reason to be sure it was permanent?”

“Well, the word ‘divorce’ is generally a pretty permanent concept, so yeah, I’d say so.”

“I'm just saying it might help to stay positive--”

“What the hell, man? Are you for real right now?”

Link quieted, but Rhett could still hear the wheels turning in his head. Link really was the absolute worst sometimes. He never could just let things be; he had to analyze it, pick it apart, find a new angle. It was infuriating.

“I dunno, man,” Link continued in a quieter voice. “I don't know if this helps, but it ain't so bad. I can't even imagine what my parents’ marriage would be like if they'd stayed together. They're all wrong for each other.”

“It doesn't.”

“Doesn't what?”

“Help.”

“...oh.”

Rhett dropped his forehead to rest on arms. “You were so young, Link. You have no idea what it’s like.”

“Don’t you think it was hard for me as a kid to--”

 _“Don’t!”_ Rhett’s head popped up and he silenced his friend with a glare. Link looked as if he wanted to continue until he caught the sheen of tears on Rhett’s cheeks in the pale light. “You don’t _fucking_ know, Link, so stop trying to make this small for me, okay?” His voice caught in his throat and he dropped his head to his arms again. Link sat stock still as he listened to the quiet sniffles that escaped the shell Rhett tried to use to contain them.

When he spoke again it was from within his hiding place beneath his arms. “It fucking sucks, okay? You don’t know because you don’t remember anything different. You never had a whole family and had to watch it fall apart. A broken home was always your reality.” He lifted his head again and looked into Link’s eyes. “I know you’re tryin’ to help. But you gotta stop pretending you can relate. It’s not the same.”

They sat quietly for some time, Rhett sniffling in his cocoon, until finally Link reached out a tentative hand and laid it flat between Rhett’s shoulder blades. It was all the invitation Rhett needed to curl into his friend’s shoulder with a sob. Link responded without any further hesitation, wrapping both arms around his friend’s large frame and holding him close. Rhett clung to him, shaking as the pent up emotion came crashing out of him, rolling over Link’s neck and shoulders like ocean waves.

“You’re right,” Link whispered. “I don’t remember it. It probably sucked for me at the time, but I got to have my whole life to get used to the idea. But this sucks, bro. It really sucks. I’m sorry.”

Rhett opened his mouth to reply but a choked sob escaped instead, and he gripped at Link’s shirt in desperation for some control. When he'd cried himself dry he began to take gulping breaths but still held fistfuls of Link's shirt. Rhett kept his forehead pressed to Link's shoulder until his breathing steadied, and when he pulled away he felt unable to let go of the fabric in his hands. With regret he slowly unhinged his finger joints and released his friend, leaving behind two wrinkled clumps of cotton fabric. He kept his head down as he pulled his fists into his lap.

Link broke the silence first. “Why were you afraid to tell me, Rhett?”

Rhett shook his head. “I don’t know. It was like...like saying it out loud would make it real.” He looked up and met his friend’s eyes. “Is that stupid?”

“No. It’s not stupid.”

Rhett nodded and heaved a sigh as he wiped his face with the back of his wrists. Then he stood to his feet and offered Link a hand, pulling him up beside him. They crossed the field and leapt across the shallow creek as they made their way back to the road. When they’d climbed back into Rhett’s car, he put the keys in the ignition but then paused and dropped his hand.

“Hey, Link?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry about what I said to Megan.”

“What did you say?”

“About the blood brother thing. It’s not nothing.”

Link rubbed his chin, scratching his goatee as he nodded. “It’s cool, bro. I get it.”

“Get what?”

“I dunno. Sayin’ stuff ‘cause it’s a girl.”

“But I shouldn’t, y’know? I shouldn’t say crap like that. It’s _not_ nothin’. It does mean a lot to me. I hope you don’t think that ‘cause I lost the paper so fast that it meant nothin’ to me.”

“I lost mine too, you know.”

“But you had yours for years! I lost mine in like two days!”

“That’s just because you’re an idiot, bo. It doesn’t mean you don’t care.”

Rhett smiled and slapped Link on the shoulder blade. “Yeah. It doesn’t.”

***

When Link was home and had closed himself into the sanctuary behind his bedroom door, he flopped onto his bed and laid a palm on his chest. Gingerly he touched the places Rhett had gripped his shirt, the fabric still wrinkled and damp in spots. He didn't know if it was normal for a boy to be so affected by his best friend’s pain, but as his own tears began to surface he heard a part of himself screaming, railing for the right to its voice. _Normal doesn't matter!_ , it shouted. _Rhett matters, and Rhett’s heart is broken!_ Link could hear every one of his friend's sobs vividly in his mind, and he curled into himself, pulling his pillow to his face to muffle his own cries as he felt his friend’s pain wrack his body.

Was it the mixing of their blood all those years ago that had linked their souls? Rhett had been holding his pain in for days, weeks, and when he'd cried into Link’s chest it was as if he'd transferred the anguish into his friend’s body. Link had a feeling, however, that Rhett still had plenty more pain he had yet to work through.

Link pulled himself up, steadied his breathing, and made a decision. Whatever it took, he would do everything in his power to absorb his best friend's pain. Whatever that meant, it was worth it. Rhett was worth it.


	4. The Beat of His Heart

When Rhett and his father returned from church that Sunday morning, Rhett was surprised to find his mother's car in the driveway. For a fraction of a moment a delirious bubble of hope rose in his chest, but it popped when his dad put the car into park yet made no move to get out.

“Go on in, son,” he said. “I've got some work to catch up on at the school. It’ll give you two some time to chat.”

Rhett stared at his father, his face blank as he waited for further explanation, but James just nodded as if to punctuate his directive. Rhett gritted his teeth as he narrowed his eyes and leveled a pointed glare, then he pushed the door open and swung his long legs out, feet crunching on the gravel driveway. His dad had already driven away before Rhett made it to the front door.

The screen door swung shut with a slam, and after a pregnant pause Diane’s voice rang out from upstairs.

“Rhett?”

He didn't respond but climbed the stairs toward the sound. An armful of blouses lay draped across her forearm, forgotten as she watched the tall young man shuffle through the bedroom doorway. Her eyes filled with tears at the sight of him, and the answering heat that burned his face embarrassed him. He turned away and looked anywhere but directly at her. Instead they fell on the boxes littering his parents’ bed -- or, he realized with a tightness in his chest, what used to be his parents’ bed.

“Rhett,” she whispered, tears escaping down her cheeks. She began to extend her arms to him until she remembered the shirts she was still holding. With slow, careful movements she laid them in the box at the foot of the bed before wringing her hands together, her confidence leaving her.

“Hi, Mama,” Rhett’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. The emotion on his face re-emboldened her, and she reached for him again. He looked at her open arms, hesitating, then took a step toward her and allowed himself to be embraced. He pressed a cheek to her hair but made no further concession, and he swallowed the tears that choked him before they could take hold.

She held him for several long moments before releasing him, and he stepped back from her.

“You find a place to stay?” Rhett murmured.

Diane nodded as she turned her attention back to her packing. “Caroline Higgins has a guest room she's gonna let me stay in for a while, expenses only. Real nice of her. It's just her and her boys since her husband passed.”

“Rob’s mom?”

“Oh, that's right! She said y'all played at Robbie’s party this weekend! I shoulda come heard you play, baby, I'm sorry. Right slipped my mind.”

“It's alright, Mama. It wasn't much.”

“Y'all gonna be playing again before you head to school?”

“Not sure. Nothin’ lined up so far.”

Diane nodded and hummed in acknowledgement. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye before speaking again.

“How’s Link? Y’know, I thought of goin’ to Sue.”

“He's good. What, to stay?”

“Figured she'd be...y’know, sympathetic to the situation. People judge, you understand?”

Rhett nodded. “I know. Did you ask?”

She shook her head. “Thought it might be too much for y'all maybe. I just wasn't sure how you'd feel about it, you and Link bein’ so close and all. Y'all are practically brothers but I thought havin’ your mamas under the same roof might take it too far. I suppose I coulda asked you though.”

“S’alright, Mama. You do what makes you happy.”

Diane turned toward him then, reaching up and cupping his narrow chin with her hand. _“You_ make me happy, baby.”

Rhett felt the sting of tears threaten again, and he swallowed them back down as he shook his head loose and reached for a box. “What made you think of Caroline?”

“Oh, I just thought it might be more appropriate to reach out to someone without a husband at home. Robbie’s gettin’ into high school but Dale’s just ten, figured they were young enough it might not be too uncomfortable havin’ a strange lady in their home. And anyway, she offered. Heard I'd left and called me up, said she had a guest room. It's just till you move away, y’know. Then I might...I dunno, maybe move back closer to family.”

Rhett's eyes widened in alarm. “You're gonna leave North Carolina?”

Diane sighed. “I ain't sure yet, honey. I'll take it one step at a time.”

Rhett sank to the bed with a pair of her shoes in his hands. “Is this for real, Mama? Like, for good?”

She stepped around the foot of the bed, pushing aside boxes to make room before she sat beside him. She grasped his hand even as he held tight to her shoes.

“I think so. I just...I don't know what else to do.”

“Are you even tryin’?”

Diane's brow furrowed. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“You even tryin’ to work things out with Dad? Or did you just give up?”

His mother leapt to her feet and glared down at him. “Now you listen here, young man! You don't know a darn thing about marriage so don't you pretend like you got some insight for me!”

“Oh, I know plenty by now!” Rhett stood as the pitch of his voice rose. “I know ‘till death do us part’ is just a thing people say when everything's fine, but they don't have to mean it when things get rough! I know ‘for better or for worse’ is a big fat lie and so is the whole damn package!”

“Don't you swear at me, mister! Who do you think you are, talkin’ to your mama like that?”

“I'm not a little boy anymore, _Mama!_ Don't tell me I don't understand marriage as if that's a justification for yours breakin’ up, then get mad when I tell you marriage is a joke!”

Diane huffed, pressing both palms to her forehead as she sought to calm herself. “Rhett...just because your dad’s and my marriage didn't work out doesn't mean marriage doesn't mean anything.”

“So what does it mean then?”

She sighed and sat heavily back onto the bed. “It was…it was good for a while.”

“So? You didn't need to be married for that.”

“We wanted to do right by God and be married before we were together, baby, you know that. We weren't just gonna live together and see if it worked out.”

“So what does God think about divorce, huh?”

“Rhett…”

“If you wanted to do right by God wouldn't you be workin’ it out?”

“Rhett, _please!”_

“You know what? Forget it. You ain't tellin’ me anything I didn't already know.”

As Rhett turned toward the door his mother grabbed his hand. “Come on, sweetie. Come talk to me.”

“We done enough talkin’. Call if you need anything. I gotta go.”

“Rhett!” He was already halfway down the hall and was sure not to even slow when he heard her call him back. He grabbed his keys off the hook and was gone before she could stop him.

***

Cleaning was one of Link's favorite things. Something about the satisfaction of bringing about positive transformation combined with the rhythmic monotony of movement and the reassuring scents of bleach, lemon, and pine made him feel like he had some control over his world. He didn't even realize he was whistling as he scrubbed the bathtub until he caught sight of his mother grinning at him as she leaned against the door jamb, arms and ankles crossed. Link chuckled.

“Somethin’ I can do for ya?”

“I just like watchin’ you work. So dedicated.”

He waved her off. “I like it.”

“You stayin’ for dinner, honey? I got tuna casserole goin’.”

Link raised an eyebrow as he continued to scrub. “Sure, Mama. I'll stay.”

“No dates tonight?”

“I don't got a girlfriend.”

“Doncha want one? So many nice girls I'm sure would love to spend time with you…”

“I'm leavin’ for school soon! What's the point of starting somethin’ up now?”

Sue nodded as she considered his logic. “Well, if you're waitin’ for college I hope you ain't gonna let girls get in the way of your schoolwork, baby.”

“I'll be okay. Don't worry.”

Sue shuffled into the room and rubbed his head. “I know, sweetheart. You're a good boy.”

Link rolled his eyes but didn’t try to suppress the smile her affection invoked. His mother picked up a discarded rag on the bathroom counter and began to scrub at a dried speck of toothpaste on the mirror.

“So how is Rhett doing?”

Link cleared his throat. “Rhett?”

“Yes, Rhett. I saw Caroline Higgins at church and she told me about his parents.”

“Did she now? Wasn't really her place.”

“I s’pose not. Anyway, is he doin’ okay? Poor kid…”

Link sighed. “He's pretty upset. Mom, I was wonderin’,” he paused as he considered what he was about to ask, “how was it for me?”

“You mean when your dad and I…”

“Yeah. Did I understand?”

Sue dropped the rag into the sink and turned to face him, leaning against the counter. “We explained it to you. You were too little to understand much though. You cried when your dad moved out; you kept tellin’ him you were sorry no matter how many times we told you it wasn't your fault. Darn near broke my heart. His too.”

Link shook his head. “I wish I could remember.”

Sue’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

“For Rhett. So I could be there for him.”

“Oh, baby…” She crouched down beside him at the edge of the bathtub and cupped his cheek. “You _are_ there for him. You don't need to remember the pain to ease his. Just love him. It's what you do best.”

Link felt his throat constrict, and he fought to speak past the tightness around his vocal cords. “He's hurtin’ so bad, Mama. It kills me.”

“I know, baby.” She wrapped long arms around his broad shoulders, and he allowed himself to be drawn in without resistance. “I know. Just love him.”

***

Rhett just wanted to drive. When he pulled into Megan’s driveway she hesitated in the doorway for a moment, expecting him to get out and come in. She didn’t seem to get the hint right away so he waved her over, and she leaned into the house to announce to her parents that she was going out. After a moment she bounded off the doorstep, screen door slamming shut behind her, dark hair trailing from her head like the tail of a comet.

She slid into the passenger seat and flashed him a breathless white smile.

“Doncha wanna come in, babe?”

“Not right now. I need to go somewhere.”

“Okay, where?”

“Not sure.”

“Okay…” She settled back into the seat and crossed her long legs. “Well, I’m up for whatever. Drive on.”

The corner of Rhett’s mouth quirked up as he threw an arm behind her head rest and backed out. His tires screamed when he peeled out, and the momentary concern he felt about the impression it might leave on her parents was drowned out quickly by the recklessness he embraced. Maybe he was tired of being a good, southern boy. Maybe he wanted to be bad. Maybe he wanted to take her down with him.

He tore down the open highway and Megan let out a musical, laughing whoop, and it occurred to Rhett that maybe she was the one taking him down. But he didn’t care. He laughed and floored the gas pedal as they zoomed out of town toward the open country. They flew past tobacco fields and clusters of trees, their windows rolled down to let in the thick, humid air. Megan’s hair whipped around her face, the dark locks contrasting with her smooth, lightly tanned, creamy complexion, and Rhett was struck by how pretty she looked like this. She was wild and carefree and everything he needed right now. He needed a distraction: from the crap with his parents, from the stress of getting ready for college, and from the ridiculous attraction to Link that he feared he would never shake.

As they rolled over hills and around turns, Megan’s face took on a serious expression, and from the corner of his eye Rhett caught her watching him.

“What?”

She chewed her lip. “You okay?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“I mean...is there anything you needed to talk about? You know I’m here for you, right?”

“Yeah…” Rhett hesitated. “Yeah, I know. Who told you?”

Her mouth twisted and she looked out toward the road ahead. “I dunno. Someone at church this morning said somethin’. I think everyone knows by now.”

“Oh.”

“So are you okay?”

Rhett shrugged. “Not really. But you don’t need to worry about it.”

Megan looked offended. “Of course I do! You’re my boyfriend! God, Rhett, when were you gonna tell me?”

He looked away from her before rolling his eyes. “Geez, I dunno. I guess I just didn’t feel like talkin’ about it. It’s fine, Meg. It is what it is. There’s nothin’ I can do about it.”

“Well, sure, but that don’t mean you aren’t gonna be affected by it! Are you seriously sittin’ here pretendin’ you’re okay with your parents splittin’ up?”

“Did I say I was okay with it? I told you I wasn’t. I just don’t want to talk about it with you, alright?”

“Oh, with me? What, you can talk with Link about it but not with me?”

“How do you know I talked with Link about it?”

She rolled her eyes. “I ain’t stupid, Rhett.”

“I didn’t say you were stupid.”

She sighed and laid a hand on his thigh which he ignored. “Listen. You don’t have to talk to me about it, but if you want to, I’m here. Okay?”

Rhett nodded. “Okay.”

A dirt road off the highway led to a small, clear pond, and when Rhett reached it he pulled to a stop. Megan’s hand was still on his thigh, and she squeezed it lightly to get his attention.

“Rhett, look at me.” When he did, she continued. “Listen, whatever you need, I’m here. I want you to relax. Whatever you need to feel better, to distract yourself, whatever. I’m here for you. Do you hear me?”

He nodded. “I hear you.” A flutter in his chest told him she meant for her words to be taken exactly the way his instincts wanted to take them. If she wanted to be his distraction, who was he to argue? He grinned at her, and they threw the doors of the car open and dove into the sunlight. Megan was already unbuttoning her denim shorts and kicking off her flip-flops when Rhett realized what was happening, and when she caught his stunned expression she giggled and slowed her movements.

“Don’t you wanna go for a swim?” she asked in a light, teasing voice. “Isn’t that why you brought me here?”

Rhett nodded but made no move to undress himself. He stared at her with his mouth hanging open, and when he realized how dumb he looked he hurried to close his mouth and swallow his nerves. He needed to look cool, so he smiled and nodded again, urging her to continue.

She laughed and hooked her thumbs into her waistband, and Rhett watched, enraptured, as she slid the shorts slowly over the swell of her hips, revealing the lacy pink panties beneath. With the surge of arousal Rhett felt a wave of tremendous relief. Thank _God_ this still turned him on. Whenever he tried to picture these moments -- whether remembered or imagined -- while he was alone, his mind always morphed her into Link. Even now, he realized with regret, the acknowledgement of that fact tried to repeat the experience, and for a flash of a moment it was Link sliding his shorts down, looking back at him with hooded, welcoming eyes. Rhett blinked hard to return to the moment. Megan’s shorts had been kicked to the side and she had her arms crisscrossed over her belly, her fingers gripping the hem of her tank top, her eyes on him with speculation.

Rhett cleared his throat. “Keep going.”

She grinned and began to slowly lift her shirt over the smooth flesh of her stomach which he was surprised to notice was as tanned as her arms. He’d seen her naked once before, though it had been dim and hidden away in her bedroom, and in the open sunlight everything was far more vivid. Her bra didn’t match her panties, but his disappointment lasted only a fraction of a second. The garment was smooth and satiny with black and white stripes, and of their own volition Rhett’s feet moved him forward, his palm extended to cup the soft fabric. When he made contact she hummed appreciatively, and the sound of it sent a shock of urgency to his groin.

With his free hand he grabbed the back of her head as he dropped his mouth to hers. She reached around his neck and slipped her tongue into his mouth, and he groaned, allowing the hand behind her head to slide down her neck, over her shoulder, and down to the swell of the other breast. He squeezed both of them hard in his large palms, but it wasn’t enough, because when he closed his eyes his brain asked itself what Link’s mouth would taste like. Rhett growled with frustration. He needed more of what made her woman, safe and sanctioned, and without pausing to ask permission he wrapped his arms around her ribcage and tangled his fingers into the hooks of her bra. It took him only a few moments to release them, and when he did she dropped her arms from his neck to slide the straps off and let the garment drop to their feet.

He gripped her bare breasts roughly, his calloused hands scraping against the soft skin as he explored her open mouth with his tongue, and it wasn’t enough. Beneath the urgency of his arousal he sensed the panic licking up like fire beneath the surface, and the only way he knew to chase it away was to drown it out. He was wild with impatience waiting for her to undress him, so he released her breasts and began to unbutton his cargo shorts, sliding them and his underwear down his legs in one swift movement before resting his hands on the lacy curves of her hips. Megan’s eyes went wide when his erection sprang free and bounced against the skin of her belly, but she seemed more surprised than alarmed, and within moments he felt the tips of her fingers teasing up his length.

Rhett groaned at the new sensation. No one had ever touched him like this before. The thought kindled a complex feeling of regret, a feeling he was too terrified to explore. The fire was still licking at his heels, and the panic expressed itself as a fierceness, the anger he felt at his own distraction translating as an insatiable hunger. She didn’t seem afraid. He thanked God she didn’t seem to know how afraid _he_ was.

“Let’s get in the water,” he murmured, his voice rough and breathy, and they watched each other intently as they each removed their remaining piece of clothing: Rhett his shirt and Megan her panties. Rhett looked down at their two bodies, fully naked and in such close proximity, and he felt the flames lick higher, singeing the soles of his feet and curling over his ankles. He began to tremble and he cursed himself inwardly. He was being pulled apart. His body wanted her, but his mind rebelled. He wanted to run and hide. He wanted to fuck her there in the dirt. He wanted to cry. He wanted Link.

Megan’s face softened at the conflicted look on his, so she took the initiative. Grasping him by the hand, she led him into the cool water of the pond, and he allowed himself to be pulled in where the cold set off fireworks against his heated skin. Rhett felt immobilized, paralyzed both by chill and terror. He wanted Link, and it wasn’t just the desire he felt for him. He felt it in his soul, the need to be held and loved and protected. He wanted to let himself _feel_ , but the feel of Megan’s body, soft and arousing as it was, was a poor substitute for the craving he felt for openness, for something real. It was disturbing how strongly a part of him wanted to just use her now, a desperate attempt to drown out the aching, empty void inside of him. He knew it wouldn’t work. Not this time. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.

When her hand wrapped around his length beneath the surface of the water, Rhett’s groan cracked into a sob, but instead of giving in to the emotion he ran further into the blissfully blinding desire. Wrapping his left hand around the back of her neck and pressing his mouth to her collarbone, he reached down between her legs with his right hand. Rhett marvelled at the way the cool water against the back of his hand contrasted with the warmth of her body in his palm, and when he bent the knuckle of his middle finger to curl it inside of her, he was struck by the way the wetness covered every surface, inside and out. This was something his brain couldn’t twist, the parts of Megan that were distinctly woman, and he chased it. He dropped his left hand to her breast, pinching the nipple roughly, and lowered his head to take the second into his mouth as she stretched her body up to meet him there. He felt the rise and fall of her chest as she panted, and he slid a second finger inside of her. He chased it. He chased the soft sounds she made as he pressed the pad of his thumb to her clit and pumped his two fingers into her, the water rippling between them from the motion of his arm, and he suckled her till he was sure she would bruise.

Beneath the water she stroked his length, squeezing him hard and matching his rhythm. When her back arched as her pleasure rose he had to release the breast in his left hand to wrap his arm around her back, holding her up as her legs went weak. Through it all her hand remained steady, determined to return the pleasure he offered her. His mouth released the second breast when his jaw dropped open in a moan, and the exquisite noises that had been rolling from Megan’s lips began to intensify.

“Oh god!” she gasped into his neck. When his mind tried to escape from him again he allowed his eyes to pop open and fix on her face. She was beautiful, her long, dark lashes laid flat on her cheekbones, her tantalizing cupid’s bow lips parted around the aching whimpers and moans that rolled out from low in her chest. When Rhett flicked his thumb hard across her clit Megan’s eyes shot open, blue irises bright and alive as her orgasm began to crest, and in that moment Rhett realized with a start that she looked like Link. She could be his twin for how alike they were. Dread and lust mingled in every cell of his body, exploding in a climax that struck his core like a drug he would never recover from, something primal and existential that changed who he was. He couldn’t have cared less about Megan in that moment. He looked through her blue eyes alight with euphoria to the face his heart knew best, embracing with profound self-loathing the truest desire he’d ever known. Link was the one he wanted. Everything else was a lie. It wasn’t just an attraction: Link was the beat of his heart. And with everything in him, Rhett would fight it.


	5. Magic

“Need some help with that?”

Rhett jumped and nearly toppled the box in his arms when Robbie Higgins’s voice burst through the silence. Peering around the box, Rhett was met with the younger boy’s enthusiastic grin and outstretched arms.

“Uh, no. Thanks, Robbie. I got it.”

“Rob. You can call me Rob.”

“Okay, Rob. Thanks anyway.” Rhett pushed past him on the way to the guest room. Both he and Diane had been pleased to learn that Caroline had more than just a guest room; she had a whole guest suite, complete with a private bedroom, bathroom, and a small living area and kitchen. Regretfully there was not a private entrance, however, which meant interacting with the Higgins family was an almost certain inevitability. As Rhett maneuvered through the house and down the hallway to his mother’s new quarters, Rob’s heavy footsteps echoed behind him, and Rhett rolled his eyes.

“Do you think you’ll be staying here a lot now that your mom’s living here?”

“Um, I’m not sure. She’s only got the one bedroom.”

“But the couch is pretty comfortable. I mean, if you wanted to.”

“I dunno, man. We’ll see, I guess.”

“Yeah, that’s cool.”

On entering the living area, Rhett spotted his mother who pointed to a place in the room where she wanted the box. He caught the grin she tried to suppress at the sight of Rhett’s new shadow, Robbie, trailing behind him. 

“That’s the last one, Mama. You got anything more at home you need me to go back for?”

‘No, I think that’s it. Thanks again for your help, honey.” She looked around Rhett at Rob before continuing. “It was nice to discover I had more space than I’d expected! Can make it feel a little more like home in here with a few extra things. Very generous of your mama, Robbie.”

Rob smiled at her words. “Yes, ma’am.” He made no move to leave, however, so Diane took the initiative.

“You mind if I have a little time alone with my son? He’ll be leaving for school and I want to soak up all the quality time I can get, you understand.”

Rob’s face fell slightly but he recovered without a hitch. “Oh, yes ma’am, I understand. Nice seein’ ya, Rhett. Let me know if you ever wanna, y’know, hang out.”

“Sure thing, Rob. See ya.”

When Rob had disappeared down the hall, Rhett slumped onto the old couch and rolled his eyes dramatically. Diane chuckled.

“He looks up to you, y’know.”

“That’s just ‘cause I’m tall.”

She laughed again and joined him on the couch. “Thanks for helpin’ me with my things. I’m gettin’ too old to carry all these boxes by myself.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t help the other day, with the first round.”

His mother put her hand on his leg and squeezed. “It’s alright, honey. You were mad. I get it.”

Rhett’s mouth tightened but he didn’t respond, and she looked up to meet his eyes.

“You still mad, baby?”

“I dunno, Mama. I’m a lot of things.”

“How’s your dad doin’?”

Rhett sighed. “Sleepin’ a lot. He goes to his office more than he ever did in past summers when school was out. Then he comes home, eats, and goes to bed. I ain’t seen him much.”

Diane’s eyebrows crinkled in worry but she didn’t respond. She patted his leg and then stood to begin unloading another box.

“You talked to Cole?” she asked over her shoulder.

“Yeah.”

“Is he okay?”

“I dunno, Mama. I mean, he’s not happy about it. But it’s not like he tells me everything he’s feelin’.”

She turned to face him and gripped his chin teasingly. “You McLaughlin men.”

Rhett’s jaw tightened at the blanket judgment but he let it go. “You’re not gonna expect me to hang out with Rob, are you?”

“He does seem awfully enthusiastic about the prospect.”

“Does that mean I hafta do it?”

“You're a grown man now, Rhett. I can't make you do anything. But like I said, he looks up to you. He lost his daddy and I think he'd love to have a big brother figure in his life.”

Rhett huffed. “I ain't interested in bein’ anybody's big brother. I got too much on my plate to have to worry about bein’ a good example to some kid.”

“Well, just remember that Caroline is lettin’ me stay here out of the kindness of her heart, and she would really appreciate you settin’ an example for her son.”

“You know she's tellin’ everybody in town about you and Dad?”

Diane froze, her mouth tightening, but said nothing. After a moment she collected herself and went back to unpacking. 

“How's the new girlfriend? Megan, was it?”

“Yeah, she's good.” Rhett felt a slight blush creep over his cheeks at the thought of Megan. He had a sudden irrational fear that his mother would interrogate him about the physical nature of their relationship despite the fact that she had never pried about it with past girlfriends, girlfriends he had done nothing more than make out with. He found himself caring less and less about the morality of his choices, but that didn't mean he wanted his mama to know exactly what he was doing with Megan.

“I hope it helps to have somebody you can talk to.”

He shrugged. “I guess so. Hey Mama, I should go. Is that okay? You need me for anything else?”

Diane straightened and rested her hands on her hips. “I s’pose not. You'll come visit again soon?”

“Sure.” He leaned down to hug her goodbye and found her unwilling to let him go for long moments. When she finally pulled away he saw her dab at her eye briefly, but she waved it off. 

“Be a good boy, Rhett. And think about what I said about Robbie.”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Bye, Mama.” She waved as he strode away, and he made it a point to exit the house quickly and quietly so as not to attract attention. 

Once in his car Rhett could breathe again. He was surprised to realize how angry he felt now that he had the chance to sit in the quiet and pay attention. What gave her the right to ask him, on top of everything else, to be a role model for some random kid? Didn’t he have enough to think about right now without having to try to still be the perfect, straight-laced boy everybody expected him to be? He didn’t give a rat’s ass about Robbie Higgins nor the boy's busybody mother, and he didn’t owe them anything just because they were taking in his mom. That was between her and Caroline. As for Rhett, he was going to do whatever the hell he pleased.

***

Link laughed at himself as he changed out of his paint-speckled work clothes. He was downright giddy, and it was so stupid. It was just that he hadn’t seen Rhett since the night in the pasture when Rhett had told him about the divorce, and Link had been worried about him. The pieces had come together quickly once Link knew what was going on -- Rhett’s temper and moodiness, his distance, his sudden disillusionment with monogamy. It all made sense now, and Link needed Rhett to know that he wasn’t leaving him alone in this. No matter what he was going through, Link was there for him. He didn’t feel there was any need for him to give him some impassioned speech about it; he knew his presence would speak louder than words. But if Rhett never made time for him, it would be awfully hard for Link to speak via presence alone. 

He’d been pleasantly surprised when Rhett called him after work to see if he wanted to hang out, and he felt he couldn’t get out of the door fast enough. Another swim in the river would do them good. It had been an especially hot day and Link felt sweaty and grimy, and spending the evening in the cool water with his best friend sounded just about like heaven on earth.

 

They met at the rocks. Rhett was perched on the lower rock with his body angled toward the water, and he turned at the sound of Link’s approach. Link was surprised to see that his friend was wearing swim trunks.

“Oh,” Link started, “I, uh, didn’t bring a suit. I guess I was just gonna swim in my briefs like usual. That okay?”

Rhett lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug. “Whatever, man. I just felt like wearin’ these. You wanna go in right away?”

“Heck yeah. I’m hot and nasty from work.”

The corner of Rhett’s mouth quirked up. “Me too, dude.” He stood up and tiptoed down the rocky embankment toward the river’s edge. Link spotted Rhett’s clothes already laid in a pile nearby and began to strip off his own, folding them neatly beside Rhett’s. The taller boy was already in the water by the time Link was down to his skivvies.

“Dude, you never wait for me!” Link called as Rhett drifted away. Rhett paddled himself around to look behind him and laughed.

“Then keep up!”

Link jumped as far in as he could from the shore and began to breaststroke toward his friend who immediately turned and swam away. Link swore, laughing and kicking harder. When he finally caught up to Rhett he scrambled up his shoulder and threw himself over Rhett’s head, dunking him down into the cool river. Rhett’s long arms tried to find purchase on Link’s slippery, wet skin, and without adequate friction he was forced to dig his fingertips hard into Link’s muscles to get a grip on his body. He reversed their positions, pushing down on Link’s shoulders and shoving him beneath the surface while Link grabbed wildly at him. Rhett outweighed his friend and had no trouble holding him down until Link got smart and dug his fingers into Rhett’s ribcage. Rhett yelped at the tickle and his hands flew off of Link's shoulders. Link popped up to the surface, laughing as he gulped in oxygen.

“That’s cheating!” Rhett shouted.

“It ain’t my fault you’re a giant! You got your advantage so I gotta take mine!”

They caught their breath as they floated, lying back to expose their skin to the sun’s rays. Link couldn’t help but think back to the week before, the last time they’d been at the river together. It seemed like so long ago already. Things had been changing so fast for Rhett, and for Link by extension. He could feel the shift in Rhett’s life, and the connection they shared meant that any shift in one of their lives would mean a shift in the other’s. He turned his head and opened one eye to watch his best friend as he floated beside him.

“How you doin’, man?”

Rhett opened an eye and rolled his head toward Link, lifting out of the water slightly. They held each other’s one-eyed stare for a moment before Rhett dropped his legs and pulled his body upright, treading water as the current carried them. Link did the same.

“My mom moved in with the Higginses.”

“I heard.”

Rhett nodded. “I dunno, man. I don’t know how I’m doing. It just sucks.”

Link looked past him to the shore that drifted by. “You wanna get out and sit?”

“Sure.” They paddled to the edge of the river and pulled themselves free, sitting where the water still spilled over their feet. Rhett didn't speak immediately but Link found himself unable to look anywhere but right at him. Droplets of water ran down the side of his face, over his freckled shoulders and down his back, each drop catching the sunlight and lighting him up like a wildfire. Link had long since stopped fighting the realization that he found Rhett attractive nor being surprised by the moments when it struck him more intensely. It was just a point of fact. He was beautiful, and Link loved him. It was profound, yet it wasn’t. His love seemed as obvious and as simple as the obvious and simple fact of Rhett’s beauty. He wasn't sure if it meant anything more than an intense, possessive form of brotherly love, but however one defined it, it was doubtlessly love. It had been years since he’d been afraid of feeling it. He would tell Rhett right now if he wasn’t so sure it would just add stress and confusion to his life. If there never came a day when it made sense to speak the words, Link was content with keeping it hidden inside of him. It was, after all, an intrinsic part of himself. He didn’t need to release it for it to be true. It was like the marrow in his bones; if Rhett needed it, Link would give without hesitation. If he never did, Link would lose nothing by keeping it safely inside.

Link cleared his throat and looked back over the shimmering river. “So, you get anywhere further with Megan?”

Rhett looked down into his lap and huffed a laugh through his nose. “Kinda.”

“Kinda how?”

“We, uh...we got each other off at the same time.”

Link’s eyes widened. “Wow. Crazy.”

Rhett laughed again. “Yeah.”

“So how was it?”

Something sobered in Rhett’s expression, something Link couldn’t trace, but it looked like pain.

“It was...it was great, man. Really great. Intense.”

“Really?”

Rhett looked at him. “Yeah, really. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I dunno, you just looked…”

“Looked how?”

“I dunno. Conflicted, maybe?”

Rhett looked away again. “I told you, man. It’s just bodies. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Still with that, huh? So you’re just using her?”

Rhett narrowed his eyes and looked at Link squarely. “Who says she’s not okay with it? Who says she’s not just using me too? What difference does it make if we’re both consenting adults?”

Link shook his head and looked away. “I dunno, man, it’s just...it’s so foreign, y’know? We were just always taught that it was...you know, special. Sacred.”

“It’s still those things.”

“Then why not save it for someone special? Someone you love?”

“Why? So I can invest emotionally in someone for years until they break my heart and leave me?”

Link nodded. “I get it, man. I know what this is about.”

“Oh, you get it. Link Neal’s got it all figured out. Lucky me.”

“Knock it off, dude. I know you. Don’t pretend like I don’t.”

“You don’t know everything. You can’t read my mind.”

“Says who?”

Rhett turned his head and gave him a bitter smirk. Link reached out on instinct and wrapped a hand around Rhett’s wrist, still beaded with moisture but heated from the sun. Rhett flinched slightly at the contact but didn’t pull away. 

“Rhett, listen to me. I just want you to be happy. I want you to think about your future. What do you really want?”

Rhett’s eyes were wide and scared, and it startled Link, but he didn’t retreat. 

“If you can read my mind, why don’t you tell me?”

Link had to admit, at least to himself, that he had no answer. Rhett was changing under the force of his life-turned-upside-down, and with the change came a strangeness that Link didn’t recognize. He wanted to be let in. He didn’t like there being any part of Rhett that he wasn’t allowed into. Link gripped his friend’s wrist and searched his eyes for answers until finally Rhett broke and looked away.

“I just wanna have some glimpses of happiness. I mean, who knows what’s gonna happen tomorrow? Doesn’t it make sense to get it where you can?”

“Is getting off with Megan the only thing that makes you happy right now?”

Rhett shook his head. “No.”

“So what else? What makes you happy?”

Rhett’s eyes wandered helplessly until they fell on Link’s hand still gripping his wrist, and his voice quavered when he spoke. “Why’re you still holdin’ onto me, man?”

Link felt the loss before he let go. His hand seemed to have a mind of its own; the messages his brain was sending to retreat seemed to be lost in translation. They both watched, waiting, until slowly Link’s knuckles softened and allowed him to pull his hand back into his lap, but neither one of them looked away at first from the place where Link’s hand had been.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, man,” Rhett whispered.

Link looked up to meet Rhett’s eyes but found they were still staring at his own wrist, now empty and somehow frail-looking. When Link spoke his voice was choked and small.

“What doesn’t?”

“Taking what you need. It’s just...it’s pleasure. It’s happiness.”

“Wherever you can get it?”

Rhett nodded. “I mean, sometimes it can mean somethin’. It wouldn't have to be...y’know, empty.”

“Empty like with Megan?”

“Yeah.”

Link swallowed hard before reaching out again, slowly, returning his hand to the place on Rhett's wrist where his friend's eyes had never left. “What would it mean for it to mean somethin’? Wouldn't it, like, mess up your whole theory about mindless pleasure?”

“Pleasure is pleasure. If it's empty, so what, it still feels good. If it's not empty, then it's…”

Link waited, and when Rhett's voice trailed off he squeezed his wrist to coax him on. 

“It's what, Rhett?”

“Magic.”

Link wanted to taste the word, so he repeated it back under his breath. He felt his fingers involuntarily squeeze Rhett's wrist again as he said it, and he noticed a twitch in the fingers only a few inches further down. It was as if they were responding to the squeeze they felt, as if it were meant for them. Link had only just begun to wonder when his body had started rebelling against his mind before he realized his hand had drifted over thumb and palm and intertwined Rhett's fingers with his own. Both their eyes held to the contact, transfixed, until Link made the critical error of sliding his thumb across the skin of Rhett's own and breaking the spell. Rhett disentangled their hands and ran his fingers into his hair to give them something to do.

“Listen, man, there's this party tomorrow night. Megan and her best friend are going and I thought maybe you could come, y’know, as Kelsey's date. She's cute and sweet and you'd probably like her.”

Link had to replay Rhett's words in his head once more before he comprehended what he'd just said. Every inch of the skin on his hand that Rhett had touched was still lit up like a firefly. Like magic.

“Uh, yeah, sure. I can do that. Can I ride with you?”

“You sure? I mean, if you get any inspiration to go a different direction after the party instead of back to your house…”

Link rolled his eyes. “Come on, man. My mom would kill me if I didn't come home. And I'm not gonna be sleeping with some girl I just met anyway.”

“Well, suit yourself.” Rhett slid back into the water but kept talking as if he knew Link would follow. He wasn't wrong. “But you might have to get another ride home then,” he said as they floated downstream, “‘cause I might not be goin’ home. We’ll have to see where the night takes us.”

Link didn't respond. He watched Rhett's head as it bobbed along, fire catching in the sunlight on his blond hair, and wondered what he'd just agreed to.

***

The next day Link was useless at work. He made mistakes, his dad got mad, and he was just overall unfocused. He was feeling a thousand things at once, and while his hands painted walls his mind tried to unravel his tangled emotions.

He would never in a million years have chosen to hold Rhett's hand. It had been made clear to them from their earliest memories that boys were supposed to like girls and vice versa, and even if either of them had felt inclined to hold the other’s hand as an act of pure, brotherly affection and friendship, the messages in their head told them it wasn't an option. Even now, even after he'd made peace with his feelings for Rhett, he never would have acted on it. And Link knew it was more for Rhett's sake than his own fears of exposure or damnation.

But something inside of Link had acted of its own volition last night, some primal part of him that knew his heart’s desire and wasn't concerned with reason. He never would have chosen what he'd done, and he never could have predicted exactly how it had affected him. The way his hand had linked with Rhett's had been like two puzzle pieces joining, like closing a circuit, igniting a process in his soul that he feared was irreversible. He'd always been satisfied to love Rhett from a place of passive contentment. His heart had been fed simply by their time together, the laughter and trust and companionship, but the skin of his palm still tingled where Rhett's hand had been. He could feel the brush of Rhett's fingers between his own as if they were still there, and it was no longer enough. The small act had ignited a hunger in Link, and it terrified him.

He had no interest in Megan’s pretty friend, Kelsey. He just wanted to be near Rhett, to watch out for him as he rode this wave of rebellion on the sea of his grief. As much as Link wanted more of Rhett, to touch him again, to hold him, to explore and please him, what he wanted most was Rhett's well-being. There was a chance that ultimately the two could co-exist, but for now Link could only concern himself with the latter. 

When the work day was done, Link returned home and got ready for the party with a peaceful clarity. Whatever it took, Link needed to keep Rhett safe, body and soul.

  
  



	6. Love of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like drawing attention to spoilers, but there are some new tags that may serve as trigger warnings, so if there are issues that are a concern for you you might want to glance up there quick! That said, this chapter is pretty intense and pivotal for our main pair, so try not to skip it if you can help it!

Rhett honked the horn when Link didn't immediately show up in his doorway ready for the party. His fingers tapped the steering wheel in a frenetic rhythm as he waited, and when his best friend finally appeared at the door Rhett's breath caught in his throat. Link wore a tight black t-shirt with an olive green button-down shirt hanging open over the top, sleeves rolled up. He had on faded blue jeans and his Nike Air Trainers, and despite the short cut of his bleached hair Rhett could tell that it was still wet from showering. He looked mouth-watering, though Rhett fought to keep his expression cool and casual as his friend climbed into the car.

“Hey man,” Link said with a shy smile. “You look good.”

“Oh, uh,” Rhett glanced down at what he was wearing, just a simple oversized t-shirt and baggy jeans, then back up. “Thanks, bro. You too.”

Link chuckled and faced front. “Hopefully not _too_ good. I don’t want Kelsey to fall in love with me.”

Rhett rolled his eyes. “Ego much?”

Link laughed and slapped Rhett’s bicep with the back of his hand. “I’m joking. We meetin’ the girls there?”

Rhett nodded. It was a short drive to Lillington, a few miles down the highway going far faster than the speed limit allowed, that brought them to Kelsey’s cousin’s house. He was a sophomore at Campbell University and renting the house with some of his buddies. Rhett was more than happy to be invited to a party hosted by college kids when he still felt like a highschooler despite having recently graduated. They parked on the street in front of the house where Megan and Kelsey were waiting for them on the lawn.

Megan bounded up to Rhett and wrapped her arms around his neck while Link approached Kelsey and stuck out a hand. As Rhett watched out of the corner of his eye, Kelsey giggled and pulled a feigned serious face as she accepted the handshake, and Megan groaned in playful exasperation.

“Come on, you two. You can do better than that. Give her a kiss on the cheek at least, Link, don’t be shy. She is your date after all!”

Link rolled his eyes self-deprecatingly and leaned in, offering Kelsey a side-hug and a kiss on the cheek. She had auburn hair and hazel eyes that sparkled when she looked at Link; it was clear he was living up to Rhett’s generous description of his best friend.

“Thanks for hangin’ out with me tonight, Link. I’ve apparently been _the lamest person ever_ ,” Kelsey enunciated with a pointed glare at Megan, “since my boyfriend moved away. _Ex-_ boyfriend, I should say. I didn’t want to come here by myself but Rhett said he had a cute best friend, so, lucky me!” She gave him a coy smile as Link’s eyes went wide with surprised mirth.

“Oh he did, did he!” Link laughed, turning to look at Rhett. “Cute, huh?”

“Now don’t encourage him,” Megan said with a grin. “I’m not sharin’ him with you tonight, whether y'all like it or not. You’ve got your own plaything, so hands off mine.”

Rhett could see the embarrassment hit Link like a slap, but when he turned to explain to Kelsey that he had no intention of treating her like a plaything, she was grinning at him with bedroom eyes.

“Don't worry. She's not wrong.” Kelsey grabbed Link’s hand and led him toward the house while Megan laughed. Rhett swallowed hard as they trailed behind.

The young man who answered the door was short and enthusiastic. His face lit up with delight when he saw Kelsey, and he swept his arms around her in a hug, only moderately being careful not to spill his beer on her. When he released her, Kelsey gave introductions.

“Steve, this is my best friend, Megan, and her boyfriend, Rhett. And this is Link; he’s my date.”

“Well, come on in, guys! There's beer in the fridge and a bunch of other shit on the counter for shots or whatever. Might be some snacks in there too. Who knows. Bedrooms upstairs if, y’know, privacy. Somethin’ crazy going on in the backyard last I checked. Make yourselves at home and don't puke on the rug!” He gestured with a flourish into the throng of people already well on their way to inebriation and was gone, off to greet other guests.

Without hesitation Megan began to pull Rhett toward the kitchen, and on instinct he glanced behind him to see where Link and Kelsey were headed. He watched as she guided him down onto a couch and snuggled up beside him, draping her legs over his lap. Rhett was forced to look away when Megan pulled him around a corner and into a bright, noisy kitchen. A platter sat on the counter lined with shot glasses being filled messily one-by-one, and Megan's hand hovered over the ones near the edge. She gave a questioning glance to the girl pouring the whiskey and received a smile and nod in response. Megan handed a shot to Rhett and picked one up for herself, clinked them together, and threw hers back, and Rhett followed suit. Then she snatched up two more shots in each hand. She extended one hand toward Rhett with a nod, and once he had taken one she pushed past him back the way they had come.

Kelsey's hand was buried somewhere between Link’s t-shirt and the green button-down, and instead of removing it to accept one of the proffered shots she raised her other hand over her head. Megan pressed a shot into the open palm, and Kelsey wrapped her arm back around Link’s neck, bringing the shot to his far shoulder. Link accepted the second shot from his place under Kelsey, and the four of them clinked their glasses over Link's shoulder before downing the whiskey together, Kelsey leaning over her date’s chest to reach her glass. Rhett tried not to laugh at the pinched look on Link's face as he swallowed the noxious liquid.

Rhett focused on the feeling of alcohol seeping into his blood, the warmth and dull vibration it injected into his limbs. After a minute he tuned back in and realized he was staring at Link, or more specifically at the movement beneath his shirt. Kelsey's hand was anything but passive; she traced the line of his collarbone, the curve of his pec, the ripples of his abs, and Rhett couldn't decide if the sight infuriated or aroused him. He settled on both, definitely both, when Megan yanked him away back toward the kitchen.

“Babe, it's gonna take you all night to get drunk if you spend the whole party staring at your boyfriend. You want another shot or a beer?”

“Uh, what?”

She rolled her eyes. “Beer or shot? I saw some other stuff in there if you're not into whiskey.”

“The other thing you said?”

“Are you drunk already? Jesus, you're a lightweight. I said, quit ogling your boyfriend. Kelsey’s gonna take good care of him. She's been with, like, ten guys at least. She's not shy.”

Before he could stop himself he was craning his neck around the corner for another peek at the other couple when Megan pulled him back again with an exasperated look. She shoved a glass of beer into his hand before dumping a shot into the glass, making it overly full and sloshing over his hand.

“God, I really am wastin’ my time with you, ain't I,” she mumbled just loud enough for him to hear her over the din.

“Wait, what?”

“I said,” she shouted into his ear, “I am wasting my fucking time with you, aren't I.”

“Why?” Rhett sipped loudly at the overflowing drink in his hand and winced at its potency.

“You are a fucking idiot, Rhett. Drink.”

Rhett was already feeling fuzzy around the edges but he obeyed, taking a deep breath before chugging the beverage. Megan cheered and downed a shot of her own.

“This all we gonna do tonight?” Rhett shouted. His mouth felt clumsy but he liked the way it felt to stop being angry. “‘Cause I had plans for your pants.”

Megan laughed. “That's more like it! Let's go find Kels and Link and you can tell me all about those pants plans of yours.”

“You got it, baby.” He followed her back into the living room where Link sat with his overshirt missing and Kelsey sitting in his lap sucking on his neck. His eyes jumped to meet Rhett's and Link gave him a helpless smile.

“Looks like she's doin’ all the heavy lifting there, buddyroll,” Rhett laughed as he plopped beside Link on the couch. “Ain'tcha gonna kiss her back?”

Link held Rhett's gaze in challenge for long moments, and Rhett refused to back down. He needed this. He needed to watch Link enjoy this girl. He needed it because this was right and good, for Link to find his pleasure in a woman and never in him.

Still holding Rhett's gaze, Link met the challenge. He lowered his mouth to her neck and kissed her skin, gripping her hips and angling their bodies so he could keep his eyes on Rhett as he continued. Kelsey groaned at the feeling of Link's lips on her neck, and Rhett heard Megan chuckle darkly somewhere off to his side. She swung a leg over Rhett's lap and dove in to meet his lips, and Rhett answered her with his tongue sliding deep into her mouth, his eyes still locked with Link's.

Rhett was instantly brought back to a previous party when they had made eye contact while kissing their girlfriends. It was a strange thing. It had only lasted a few moments that time, but this was different. It went on, their kisses each heating up as they locked onto each other's gaze, and Rhett continued to tell himself he needed it for the right reasons. He needed to see the reality of what Link deserved, a pretty girl under his hands, and the need had nothing to do with how hot it was to watch Link’s hands travel down Kelsey's back to grip her ass.

Kelsey's head dropped back in a gasp, and then she leaned in to cover Link’s mouth with hers, obstructing Rhett's view. Rhett growled and stood to his feet, dropping Megan to a stand.

“I need another drink. C’mon.” He dragged her back to the kitchen where he downed three more shots in quick succession while onlookers cheered. Megan gripped his shirt and pulled him away from the counter.

“Okay, big guy. That's enough for now. I need you conscious. You wanna go upstairs?”

Rhett nodded and let himself be led back through the living room where Link caught his eye again, tracking him as he rounded the staircase and began to head up, tripping on his feet while Megan laughed. When he couldn't see Link anymore he felt the loss, so he tried to drown it out with Megan. He didn't remember entering a bedroom and closing the door but here they were, her bright blue eyes coaxing him on, her dark hair falling over her suddenly bare shoulders, her knowing smile turning downward and dropping open in disgust when Rhett’s vomit hit the floor.

***

Link was surprised to see Megan flying down the stairs alone mere minutes after she and Rhett had disappeared. The look of alarm and disgust on her face caused him to sit up straight, pulling Kelsey off of his body, and she let out a surprised, “oof!”

“What’s wrong?” Link asked. “Where’s Rhett?”

“He’s sick...I can’t...it’s so gross!”

“Is he okay?” Link was on his feet in a flash.

“I dunno, I had to get out of there. Could you...Jesus, I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

“Shit, Meg, did he puke on the floor?” Kelsey spoke up. “Steve’s gonna kill me.”

“Uh, yeah, he kinda did.”

Kelsey rolled her eyes. “We gotta go, Meg. Steve’ll be furious and call my parents and...I just gotta get outta here. Hey, Link, if you wanna call me, Meg’s got my number. ‘Kay?”

Link waved a hand in acknowledgement but was already halfway up the stairs. It wasn’t hard to find the right room -- the smell and sound of someone vomiting was unmistakable. He pressed the already-ajar door fully open to find his best friend on his hands and knees over a puddle of puke, and Link scanned the room. A half-full waste basket sat under a desk, and he emptied it onto the floor and shoved it under Rhett’s chin just in time before the next heave came. Link cringed and looked away, watching with just the edge of his periphery to make sure he was keeping the bucket in place until Rhett’s heaving abated, then Rhett sat back shakily on his haunches and wiped his face with the back of his wrist.

“Hey, hey, just a second, man,” Link said. “Just sit tight, I’ll be right back.” Rhett nodded, his eyes glazed and unfocused, as Link set the bucket on the floor beside him and hopped to his feet. He found the bathroom behind the next door and searched cabinets and linen closets for anything that might be of use. He returned to his best friend supplied with a full roll of toilet paper, a bottle of multi-purpose cleaner, and a hand towel he felt guilty about borrowing. Before addressing the floor, Link unspooled a handful of toilet paper and wiped Rhett’s chin and then the back of his wrist which he’d used to wipe his face. Then he wrapped the towel around his hand to serve as a makeshift glove and took to work on the mess, dropping soiled toilet paper into the bucket, and emptying the whole thing into the toilet when he’d cleaned up what he could. Rhett had curled into a fetal position on the floor as Link worked to finish the job. He scrubbed the spot on the rug with cleaner using a clean side of the hand towel, sprayed and wiped out the can before refilling it with the trash he’d dumped out, and returned to the bathroom one last time to drop the towel into a hamper (with a mumbled word of apology to Steve and his roommates) and scrub his hands up to his elbows like he was headed into surgery.

When he returned to the bedroom, Rhett was sitting on the bed. He looked up and seemed to process Link’s presence for the first time.

“Oh, hey man. I, uh, I think I puked.”

“Yeah, I noticed. Can you walk okay?”

“Think so,” Rhett slurred. “Couldja help me?”

Link moved to Rhett’s side and leaned down to wrap an arm under Rhett’s and around his back, aiding him to a stand. He guided Rhett around the wet spot on the floor, down the hall, and into the bathroom. With his free hand Link lowered the lid on the toilet and eased Rhett into a sit. There was an abandoned red plastic cup on the bathroom counter which Link dumped and rinsed thoroughly inside and out. He guided Rhett to the sink and encouraged him to swish his mouth out, to gargle, to spit, to drink a full cup of water. Rhett followed instructions before returning to the closed toilet lid on shaky legs, and Link wiped his friend's face with a wad of wet toilet paper before he sat onto the edge of the bathtub, facing him with their knees inches apart.

“Whaddya wanna do, man? You wanna rest for a bit? Get outta here?”

“Where’s Meg?”

“Uh, she left. Kelsey too.”

“Why’d they go?”

“Kelsey was a little freaked about you puking on her cousin’s rug.”

“Mmkay. Shouldna done that.”

Link laid a hand on Rhett’s knee and Rhett’s eyes dropped to the spot. Link was about to tell Rhett that he didn’t have to feel bad, that it was okay, he cleaned it up and only dry heaved half a dozen times in the process, but before the words made it out of his mouth he felt the warmth of Rhett’s palm sliding over the back of his hand, and he froze mid-thought. Rhett’s thumb began to move, brushing Link’s thumb beneath it with slow, focused movements, and Link felt his heart start to race.

“Hey, Rhett?”

Rhett responded without tearing his eyes from their contact. “Hmm?”

“You wanna go back to the room and talk?”

Rhett nodded, and as he stood to his feet he turned Link’s hand over and entwined their fingers like it was the most natural thing in the world, like they’d done this a hundred times instead of only once. Link stared at their interlocked hands in wonder. Then Rhett surged forward, pulling open the bathroom door and dragging Link behind him as he rounded the corner back into the bedroom, all shakiness gone.

The moment the door was closed Rhett was upon him, shoving Link back against the door and gripping his head between both hands as he crashed their mouths together. Link’s eyes shot open wide, but Rhett’s were closed, pressed tight in fierce concentration as he forced Link’s jaw open with his tongue. Link squeaked in surprise and gasped for air. He wanted to enjoy the moment, this moment he’d been dreaming about for more years than he could count, but this was wrong. Rhett’s usual woodsy, homey scent was drowned out by the smells of whiskey and a residual tinge of vomit left hanging in the air. Link's soft, caring best friend was shrouded in anger and a violent passion brought on by grief and booze. This wasn’t his Rhett. This wasn’t their time.

With his hands pressed against Rhett’s chest Link tried to push him back, but Rhett resisted. Instead he groaned roughly, shoving his tongue deeper as one hand cupped the back of Link’s head and the other began to travel down his body. Link’s head spun with an onslaught of sensations, the desire to give in and the repulsion at letting it happen this way. The moment of hesitation gave Rhett time to reach his destination, and when Link felt his friend’s warm hand cup and squeeze him through his jeans he yelped and shoved harder.

The force of Link’s push caused Rhett to break the kiss and back off a few feet, but his eyes were alight with blind, drunk passion and he dove back in with a growl. The arousal that had begun to stir in Link was quickly drowned out by anger at Rhett’s insistence, and when Rhett crashed their lips together again Link bit his lip and shoved him once more. He balled his hand into a fist and prepared to hit Rhett if he came at him again, and the fire in Rhett’s eyes wavered when he glanced down and saw the way Link’s fingers were clenched.

“You gonna hit me, brother?”

“If I have to.”

“Don’t tell me you don't want this too.”

“That’s not the point, Rhett.”

“Then what is the point? What’s the point, Link? What's the _fucking point?”_

He spun around and paced to the bed, dropping back onto it with his legs hanging over the edge. He balled his hands into fists and pressed them into his eye sockets just as Link’s clenched fists began to relax, and Link approached him with careful movements. When he lowered himself onto the bed beside Rhett, he noticed the blood on his lip. He'd bitten it harder than he thought, and despite the fact that Rhett deserved it Link couldn't help but feel a little remorseful. He looked around for something to dab it with, but he'd left his long-sleeved shirt somewhere downstairs and the t-shirt he was wearing was too tight to stretch the hem out as far as Rhett's mouth. With a tinge of hesitation given the circumstances, Link pulled the shirt over his head and licked a patch of the fabric to keep it from sticking to the wound before using it to dab the blood that was beginning to run over the edge of Rhett’s lip. Rhett flinched, and the action shook loose a sob he'd been holding in his throat. Link froze with the shirt still pressed to Rhett's mouth. Rhett pulled Link's shirt from his hand and buried his face in it as the tears came.

With his shirt under Rhett's control Link felt completely exposed. It was all out there now, the way they felt, though if they were honest it couldn't have been a surprise to either of them. It simply took the perfect storm of heartbreak and alcohol to bring it into the light. The vulnerability was palpable, Link in his bare skin and Rhett sobbing and bleeding, and Link felt it was his responsibility to do something, to move the narrative forward. He reached out, hand hovering in the air over his best friend as he tried to decide where it belonged. Rhett seemed to sense his decision before he made it, because even with his eyes covered his hand was already moving to meet Link's palm as it landed on his chest. Link's fingers folded over Rhett's hand and they gripped each other tightly, an action that this time felt rooted more in comfort than romance.

Link slid down to rest on his side next to him. Rhett dropped the arm still holding Link's shirt to his side but seemed unwilling to relinquish it.

“Why you cryin’, bo?” Link whispered. Rhett turned his head to meet Link's eyes, his own red and wet.

“Don't play dumb, man.”

“I'm not playin’,” Link laughed, “I swear. Please. Spell it out for me.”

Rhett sighed. “I'm drunk as shit. I puked on my girlfriend. My parents are splittin’ up. And I'm in love with my fucking best friend. I'm a goddamn mess.”

Link couldn't stop the bubble of laughter even though he felt it form in his belly the second the word “love” slipped from Rhett's mouth. It burst out of him like a firework, startling them both, and once he'd recovered from the initial shock Rhett's eyes narrowed.

“You're fucking _laughing_ at me?”

“No!” Link squeaked, unconvincing as his giggles rolled on, and he climbed over Rhett and buried his face in his chest as he roared with laughter. Rhett's resolve began to weaken, and he joined in, his chest shaking as he chuckled through his tears. They were still laughing when Link felt Rhett's fingertips graze the skin of his back, tracing lines back and forth. Link pressed his cheek into Rhett's shirt as he looked up at his face.

“I'm not laughin’ at you.”

“Sounds like laughin’ to me,” Rhett said as the last of his chuckles faded.

“No, I just…” Link pulled both arms onto Rhett's chest, folding them under his chin and resting on his wrists. “I just can't believe this...this whole thing.”

“Was it the kissin’? Do I kiss that badly?”

“It was a bit aggressive, actually.”

“You don't like aggressive?”

“At least buy me dinner first.”

Rhett laughed. “All right, smart guy. You wanna show me how it's done?”

Link had to suppress the urge to start giggling again. He unfolded his arms from Rhett's chest and laid his palms flat on either side of his friend's head, swinging a leg over Rhett's body so he straddled him on hands and knees. Then he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his mouth, slow and tentative. He tasted the metallic tang of blood from the bite but he pressed on. Rhett lay receptive and patient in stark contrast to the first kiss. It was Link who made the choice to tease at Rhett's lips with his tongue until he was granted entry. It was Link who lowered his body, pressing his bare chest to Rhett's shirt and freeing his hands, one hand combing into Rhett's hair and the other cupping his jaw, tracing lines on his throat with the pad of his thumb. It was Link whose mouth wandered down, lips trailing over stubbled chin and jaw to the side of his neck, mouth opening to consume more, to lick and suck at the pulsing skin.

But it was Rhett who moaned, who bucked his hips up and trailed his hands down the smooth skin of Link's back toward the waistband of his jeans. It was Rhett who slipped his fingers inside both pants and briefs to cup the flesh of Link's ass, and it was Link who stopped him. He sat up suddenly, forcing Rhett to extricate his hands from Link's waistband.

“Rhett,” he whispered.

“Don't be like that, man. I’m not blind.” Rhett's eyes dropped to the noticeable bulge in Link's pants. “You're interested.”

“And you're drunk.”

“But I'll still want you when I'm sober, and you'll still want me.”

Rhett's hands cupped Link's ass over his jeans, and Link reached behind him to grab the roaming palms and bring them forward where he gripped them both in his. “Yeah. So let's save it for then, huh?”

“But we're here now.” Rhett pushed himself up to a sit with Link still perched in his lap. He cupped Link's face and pressed their lips together again, kissing him with a patient heat, the kind that sneaks up quiet before ravaging forests. Link felt his resolve teeter over the chasm Rhett's tongue carved in his will.

“Link,” Rhett whispered between desperate kisses, “I can’t stop thinkin’ about you. Every time I’m with Megan, I just…”

Link gasped against Rhett’s mouth. His words stoked the fire, confirming that all along they’ve felt the same way. He whined and pressed their bodies together as Rhett’s hands traveled wildly across his back, trying to touch every bit of skin he could reach. Link kissed his long neck, sliding down toward his collarbone as Rhett rambled on, his hips beginning to rock beneath them.

“God, you make me so hot. Jesus, fuck, Link...” With one hand still spread across Link's back, Rhett brought the second to the tight space between their bodies, running his fingers across Link’s chest, his nipples, down his belly and into the trail of coarse hair that disappeared behind the button of his jeans. When he began to twist at the button, Link grimaced, whimpering against Rhett’s throat. Nothing in him wanted to stop, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. He pulled his lips from Rhett’s skin with a sigh of regret, and he rested his forehead against Rhett’s shoulder as he pressed a hand to the one wrestling with his fly.

“Rhett,” he whispered. “Stop.”

Rhett’s voice came out harsh through clenched teeth. “I’ve waited too many goddamn years to have you, Neal. I’m sick of waiting. I’m sick of pretending. I can’t,” he choked on a fresh sob, “I can’t do this anymore.”

When Link was sure he’d halted Rhett’s progress at his jeans, he lifted both hands to Rhett’s face and drew him up to meet his eyes. “Baby, I’m not askin’ you to pretend. Tonight’s just not the right time. I want you to remember this.”

Rhett’s eyes filled with tears and he tried to look away, but Link wouldn’t let him go. “I would remember,” Rhett insisted. “You’re the love of my life. How could I not remember bein’ with you?”

Link kissed each of Rhett’s eyelids, tasting his tears. “I need you all here. Tomorrow, okay? Let’s get you home and you can sleep it off. Tomorrow we’ll start over. We’ll be together.”

When Rhett tried to hide his face again Link pulled his head to his chest and let him cry there. He ran fingers through his hair, tracing his ears, his jawline, the ridge of his brow. When Rhett had recovered he sat back and nodded, and Link dragged himself off his lap. He pulled his t-shirt back over his head, grateful the black fabric disguised the blood if not the wet patches from Rhett’s tears. Rhett sat dazed on the bed, and Link wiped his face with his palms before pulling his friend to his feet. He wrapped an arm around Rhett’s waist and guided him out of the room, down the stairs into the throng of people too far gone to pay them any attention. Link spotted the sleeve of his green shirt hanging out from underneath a couple making out on the couch, and they barely seemed to notice when he nudged them to the side to free the garment. Rhett stood impassive, eyes glazed and face bleak, and he seemed just as oblivious as the couple on the couch when Link fished into his pocket for his car keys.

Rhett allowed himself to be led and helped into the passenger seat of his car. He didn’t say a word for the whole drive back to his house. When they pulled up, Link realized his truck wasn’t in the driveway and remembered that Rhett had picked him up.

“Hey man, can I spend the night? My truck ain’t here, and this way I can, ya know, keep an eye on ya till you’re feelin’ better.”

Rhett nodded and stumbled out into the driveway. They entered the house quietly, creeping up the stairs, and Rhett crashed onto his bed without even stopping at the bathroom.

Link busied himself finding bedding. He knew where Rhett kept his sleeping bag, so he laid it out flat on the floor to act as a mattress. He found spare blankets and a pillow in the linen closet in the hall. When he returned to the bedroom he pulled Rhett’s shoes off his feet and tried to nudge him awake.

“Dude, do you wanna pee before you go to sleep?”

Rhett just groaned, and Link let him be. He stretched out on the makeshift bed on the floor and tried not to think about the way Rhett’s lips had felt, his hands on his skin, the fact that he’d called Link the love of his life. He tried not to think about his promise for tomorrow. When the last wisps of consciousness were about to leave him, Link strained his senses back into the room to hear the steady sound of Rhett’s breathing. Satisfied, he allowed sleep to take him.

***

Link awoke late in the morning to the sound of a knock at Rhett’s bedroom door.

“Rhett? You awake?”

Link felt himself slipping back into sleep as he waited for Rhett to respond to his father’s voice, but when his best friend didn’t answer, Link managed to rouse himself enough to sit up straight. He turned toward the bed but found it empty. He stood to his feet and opened the door.

James blinked in surprise when Link’s face appeared. “Oh, hi Link.”

“Hi, Mr. M. I, uh, spent the night. We got in late.”

“Oh, okay. Is Rhett in there?”

“Actually no. I just woke up. Is he in the bathroom?”

James leaned back to look down the hall to the bathroom. “Nope, door’s open.”

Link’s brow furrowed as he turned back into the bedroom. He realized for the first time that Rhett’s dresser drawers were open, and when he peered inside he noticed that they were near empty. Rhett’s wallet and keys, usually perched on the corner of his dresser when he was home, were missing, and Link brushed past Mr. McLaughlin in a rush. He flew down the stairs and out the front door, confirming what the evidence had already told him. Rhett’s car was gone, and so was Rhett.


	7. Too Good

Link flew through the front door of his house like a man on fire. He was about to call his mom’s name when he heard the sizzling sound and caught the familiar scent of bacon. He followed the aroma to the kitchen to find Sue hunched over a hot pan.

“Mama, I gotta run, I’m sorry I didn’t come home.”

“You what? Whaddya mean you didn’t come home?”

“I stayed at Rhett’s. But listen, I gotta go.”

Sue looked from her son to the front door to the staircase leading toward his bedroom. “You weren’t asleep upstairs? I thought you got in late and were still asleep.”

“No, Mama, listen! I just got home. But I’m leaving. I’m sorry. I gotta check on somethin’.”

“Well, okay… Is everything alright? Can you at least wait until breakfast is done?”

Link glanced down at the bacon cooking and could see the first batch was almost done. Then he realized he was still in last night’s clothes, including the shirt he'd been wearing when he cleaned up Rhett’s puke and with which he’d soaked up the blood from Rhett’s lip. He suppressed a shudder as he backed away toward the stairs.

“I’ll just go change and grab some bacon for the road.”

“Did Rhett drive you home?” his mom called after him as he barrelled up the stairs.

“No, his dad!”

“You sure everything’s okay?”

Link rolled his eyes. He was already upstairs and she was still shouting a conversation. He didn’t know how to answer her though, so he pretended he didn’t hear. He stripped off the reminders of the events of last night, and the thought of the vomit made him crave a shower. With his mom occupied downstairs he made a mad dash naked to the bathroom down the hall. He turned the shower knob and stepped in, brushed his teeth under the flow to save time, and was out within five minutes.

His mind was still reeling from everything that had happened. Rhett had kissed him. He’d told Link he was in love with him. Link had as much as promised they would make love the next day, today, but now Rhett was gone, MIA. His dad hadn’t seemed worried and assumed he had gone to stay with his mom at Caroline’s house, so that was Link’s next stop. He had to talk with Rhett about last night, see what he remembered, see where he wanted to go from here. It was possible he regretted the whole thing and wanted to forget it ever happened. But despite the moments of regret woven into the happy revelations of the evening, Link desperately hoped Rhett remembered everything. He couldn’t bear the idea of Rhett not being able to remember their first kiss. He only hoped there would be more, kisses they could savor with clear heads and sure hearts.

It was a relief to feel clean again. Link couldn’t help picking out an outfit he thought he looked good in, or better yet, that Rhett might think he looked good in. He pulled on a bright blue t-shirt that brought out the blue of his eyes, and he followed it up with a pair of khaki cargo shorts. After one last look-over in the mirror, Link was racing back down the stairs.

There was a plate of bacon cooling on the table, a paper towel lying beneath the salty strips of meat to soak up the excess grease. Link’s hand hovered over the plate as he considered how many to take, but when he glanced at his mom he saw that she had a second batch cooking, and that settled it. He snatched up the whole paper towel and everything it contained, then he crossed the kitchen to kiss his mother on the cheek.

“Thanks for breakfast, Mama. I gotta run.”

Sue smiled. “You’re welcome, baby.”

  


In answer to Link’s ring of the bell, the door of the Higgins home opened to reveal ten-year-old Dale glaring up at him.

“Who’re you?”

“I’m Link. My band played at your brother’s party, remember?”

Dale scrutinized him for a moment before his expression transformed into one of admiration and awe. “Oh, yeah! You were the singer! What’re ya doin’ here?”

“I’m lookin’ for my friend, Rhett. His mom’s stayin’ here. Is he around?”

“Oh, Rhett? I ain’t seen him. But lemme check.” Dale left Link standing in the doorway as he stepped back into the house and called loudly. “Mama!!”

Caroline appeared and her face lit up when she spotted their guest. “Link Neal! What a pleasure! Please, come in!”

Link smiled in greeting and stepped into the spacious living room. Caroline gestured toward the sofa.    


“Well, have a seat! Can I getcha anything? Coffee? Tea? Water? Something to eat?”

“No, thank you, Mrs. Higgins. I just ate. I’m lookin’ for Rhett, actually. Is he here?”

Caroline’s brow crinkled. “Rhett? I don’t think so. But I could go get Di if you like. I think she’s home.”

“Yes, please, if you don’t mind.”

Link waited alone on the couch for a few moments, but before Caroline returned with Diane, Rob Higgins stepped into the room. His face was tight with withheld enthusiasm.

“Hey Link!”

“Oh, hey Rob! How’s it goin’?”

“It’s good! I’m good! You lookin’ for Rhett?”

“Yeah, actually. You seen him lately?”

“Not since the other day. Y’all got plans?”

“Uh, not really. I’m just lookin’ for him. Thought he might be here.”

“Cool, that’s cool. If he shows up I could let you know. I could give ya a call or somethin’.”

Link smiled. “Thanks, Rob. I’ll talk with his mom and see if she’s got an idea where he is.”

“Oh, sure, yeah. That makes sense. Cool.” 

Link was relieved when Diane appeared behind Robbie, interrupting the awkward exchange. He stood to greet her and she smiled brightly at the sight of him.

“Link! What a nice surprise! You lookin’ for Rhett?”

“Yes, ma’am. I thought maybe he might be here. I stayed at your, er, his house last night, and he was gone when I woke up.”

Diane’s brows crinkled, and she stepped around Robbie to face Link more directly. She spoke in a more subdued tone. “You wanna come back and chat about it? I got a little living room back there, we could sit and talk.”

Link nodded. “Sure.” Then he turned to Rob. “See ya, man.”

“Yeah, see ya!” Rob stood planted in his spot as Link followed Diane down the hallway to the guest suite. The living area was small but cozy, with a half-wall that overlooked the kitchenette where Mama Di pulled two small glasses from a cabinet and filled them both with tap water. She handed one to Link and gestured toward the couch, and they sat, angled toward one another for conversation.

“So,” she began, “you woke up and Rhett was gone?”

“Yes, ma’am. It, uh... it looked like he had packed a bag. His dresser drawers were kinda picked clean. Mr. M. thought he mighta come here to stay with you.”

Her brow furrowed again, her fingers fidgeting around her water glass. “No, Link, I haven’t seen him. He didn’t leave a note?”

Link shook his head. “No, nothin’. He was just...gone. I mean, last night he was…”

When Link trailed off, Diane cocked her head and squinted. “He was what, Link?”

Link sighed. He wasn’t sure how much to divulge, how much would help Rhett and how much would make the situation worse. But he was getting worried. “He’d uh...he’d had a bit to drink. I drove his car home and stayed over, ‘cause my truck was at my house and I thought I’d just keep an eye on him till he was feelin’ back to normal.”

Diane’s mouth tightened slightly at the news but she didn't seem overly shocked. She nodded, indicating he should continue. Link looked down at the water glass in his hands.

“I been real worried about him. He’s not been himself lately.”

Diane sighed and nodded. “He’s takin’ it hard.”

Link nodded again. “I don’t know how to help him. It’s all I want. But it’s like...like he’s broken. And now I don’t even know where he is, and I’m afraid he’s mad at me, or--”

“Why would he be mad at you, honey? Did y’all get in a fight?”

Link looked hard into his glass, avoiding her eyes. “Not exactly. It’s...it’s complicated.”

Diane was silent for some time, and when the quiet had stretched long Link chanced a look at her face. She was studying him, trying to see what was behind the fear, behind the concern. Link felt exposed, as exposed as he had in the bedroom at the party with Rhett. He scrambled for something to say that would pull her from her scrutinizing work before she saw through the façade. He’d already told her more than Rhett was likely to be comfortable with.

“Mama Di, you wouldn’t happen to have Megan’s number, would you?”

“Rhett’s new girlfriend? No, I’m afraid not. I haven’t even met her, and I don’t know her family. Do you know any of her friends that might have her number?”

Megan’s friends. Kelsey. He didn’t have her number, but he knew someone who probably did. Link thanked Diane for her time and assured her that he would be in touch if he heard from Rhett, and she promised the same to him. On his way out of the house he waved a quick goodbye to the Higgins family but didn't slow his pace, making it clear he had no more time to chat. He had to get to Lillington.

***

Steve’s house looked sad in the daylight, though the state of the lawn probably didn’t help. There were a few cars still parked on the street, possibly either from people getting rides home or still inside, likely passed out. Link stepped around discarded beer cans and plastic cups on his way to the door. He knocked, listening for movement inside, and when after a minute nothing was forthcoming he rang the doorbell. He waited again. Nothing.

Link crossed the lawn, rounding the house toward the backyard. There was a gate hanging open which creaked as he widened it to step through. The backyard was in worse shape than the front. The skeleton of a bonfire sat in a blackened lump in the center of the patio, littered with melted plastic cups, singed aluminum cans, and broken shot glasses. More of the same lay scattered across the yard. Link spotted clothing items mixed into the array: a sock here, a sweatshirt, a bra. The party back here must have been wild. He heard a noise around the back deck and saw the figure of a man on his hands and knees, cursing under his breath.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?” Steve grumbled without looking up.

“It’s me, Link. I was here last night with Kelsey?”

Steve looked up and squinted, then his mouth tightened as he straightened and stood. He dropped a handful of items into a trash bag nearby and then wiped his hands on his pants.

“Yeah, sure. You been here all night? I ain’t seen Kelsey since y’all got here.”

“No, I just came back. Listen, can I get Kelsey’s number from you?”

“You're datin’ my cousin and you don’t even have her number?”

Link shook his head. “We’re not dating. I never even met her until last night; her friend just set us up. But I need to get ahold of her. Can you help me out?”

“I’d kinda like to get this cleaned up before I gotta go diggin’ around for my address book. You wanna give me a hand?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Link glanced around him, trying to decide where to start. “You got any gloves or anything?”   


“‘Fraid not. Sorry.”

Link grimaced, then he shrugged. With careful finger tips he gathered debris from the lawn in an ever-widening loop, carrying his load to Steve’s garbage bag every time his hands were too full for more. He wondered as he cleaned if Steve had noticed the freshly-scrubbed patch of carpet in the upstairs bedroom, but no way would he ask and incriminate himself, and by extension, Rhett. They didn’t talk, though Steve grumbled under his breath the whole time about the nasty-ass people who drank all his booze and trashed his house. Link wondered what he expected when he threw this party.

When they finished, Steve straightened and extended a hand in thanks to Link. Link cringed a little at the idea of touching someone with dirty hands, but then he remembered they’d both been touching the same garbage. He accepted the handshake, then he followed the man through the back door of the house. He asked if he could wash his hands in the sink while Steve rifled through papers in a cabinet near the phone.

“So how’dja like my cousin? You gonna ask her out again?”

“She’s nice,” Link replied as he scrubbed. “Uh, we’ll see.”

“Ain’t that why you needed her number?”

“Well, not exactly. I’m tryin’ to get in touch with her friend, the one who set us up.”

Steve paused and turned. “You gonna ask her friend out instead?”

“No, not like that. She’s datin’ my best friend. I’m tryin’ to track him down.”

“You lost him?”

“It’s complicated.”

Steve shrugged. “Well, whatever. That’s your problem, I guess.” He pulled out a tattered notebook and rifled through it until he found what he was looking for. There was a loose envelope sitting on top of the counter which he grabbed and used to copy Kelsey’s number, and he handed it to Link.

“Thanks, man. Sorry about the house.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I guess I asked for it. Thanks for your help. I hope you find your friend, or whatever.”

Link waved in reply and made his way through the house toward the front door. He spotted a few people sleeping on couches and recliners, and there were probably more upstairs. A couple lay curled together on the couch on which he'd made out with Kelsey, and Link cringed inwardly. It had been great, really, but Link knew he hadn't kissed her because he wanted to. He'd wanted to make Rhett jealous. He should probably apologize to Rhett for accusing him of using Megan. That is, if he ever found him.

Link was a bundle of nerves, and he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove back to Buies Creek. He wanted to kick himself for not just asking Steve if he could use his phone to call Kelsey from there, though that may have been overstepping. He was just so anxious to find Rhett, and driving back to Link's house just to make a phone call was precious time wasted.

He was grateful his mother was gone when he got there so he didn't have to field her questions. He dialed up Kelsey's number and twisted the phone cord while he waited. After some time a man's voice answered, and when Link asked to speak to Kelsey he heard the sound of the receiver being muffled and the man's voice calling her name. A moment later she answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey Kelsey, this is Link, from the party.”

“Link! Hey! I didn't expect to hear from you so soon! I'm sorry I left in a rush last night, but I had a good time with you.” 

Link cleared his throat. “Yeah, it was great. Hey, listen. Would you be able to give me Megan's number?”

“Megan? Why?”

“I'm tryin’ to get ahold of Rhett. Thought he might be at her place.”

“Oh. Okay. Sure.” She rattled off the number in an unenthusiastic tone, and Link scribbled it down onto the same envelope that contained Kelsey's number. He wanted to feel guilty about letting her down, but he just couldn't drum it up. All he cared about right now was Rhett. He thanked her and tried to give some friendly but non-committal response to her hopes that he'd call again and they'd get together. The second he got off the phone with her, he dialed Megan's number.

In contrast to when he'd called Kelsey, Megan's phone barely rang before it was answered. 

“Hello?” The woman's voice was tight and urgent.

“Hi, is Megan there?”

“Is this Rhett?” she asked.

“Rhett? No, this is Link, Rhett's friend. I'm, uh, lookin’ for him actually, if he's there.”

“Why would he be here? Have you seen him?”

“Um, no ma’am, that's why I'm lookin’ for him. I thought he might be with Megan.”

“Have you seen Megan?” She sounded anxious, almost panicked. 

“Not since last night…”

“Where was she last night? Where's the last place you saw her?”

“At a party in Lillington, with Rhett and Kelsey,” Link responded tentatively. “Ma’am, is everything alright?”

The woman, presumably Megan's mother, sighed. “I haven't seen Megan since yesterday. She must’ve come home during the night because she left a note and packed a bag, but she didn't give us much to go on.”

_ Crap _ , Link thought. “What did the note say?” He heard the sound of paper rustling and another exasperated sigh. 

“All she wrote was,  _ ‘I'm fine. Don't wait up.’ _ Do you think she's with Rhett?”

Link rubbed his forehead with his free hand. “I imagine so. He's missin’ too. Listen, I'm gonna track them down. I'm gonna try. Is there anything you can tell me that might give me a clue? Somewhere Megan mighta thought to go?”

“I honestly don't know, Link. She barely talks to us lately. But if I think of somethin’ or hear somethin’, can I call you?”

Link gave her his number without hesitation. She thanked him profusely for his help and apologized that she wasn't able to do the searching herself. She sounded worried but also resigned, and Link couldn't help but wonder if this was Megan's first time running off.

When he'd hung up, Link sat at his kitchen table tapping a pen against the envelope as he thought. He needed a clue. He didn't know whose idea it had been to run off, though considering the events of last night he wouldn't be shocked if Rhett had been the instigator. The stress of his parents’ divorce would have been enough to shake him up, but Rhett had made it clear in recent weeks that he felt love and vulnerability were too dangerous, and last night…last night he'd confessed to being in love with Link. He'd put himself out there, laid his heart bare. And, Link realized with a feeling of dread, he'd never said it back. Twice Rhett had told him he loved him, and Link had done nothing but hold him at bay. He couldn't say he fully regretted his actions -- his decision to withhold both verbal and physical declarations of love had been based completely on Rhett's lack of sobriety. But Link couldn't help but wonder if Rhett, in his fragile state, had misinterpreted it as rejection. In the wake of Rhett's expectation that love would always lead to heartbreak, Link wouldn't be surprised if that's exactly how it had played out in his mind.

He knew Rhett probably better than anyone, but Rhett wasn't on his own. Megan was out there too, and that meant there was an element he couldn't tap into. He barely knew her. But Kelsey was her best friend; she'd have to help him. Link would convince her it was in Megan's best interest to be found. If he had to lie, to bribe, whatever it took, he'd get her to help. And they would find them.

***

It was stupid. It was reckless. Rhett watched the ceiling fan as it squeaked and rocked where it spun on its perch above them, threatening to fall. It would break a rib or crack him in the skull with the blades’ momentum as it crashed to the bed, and he'd deserve it. It would be payback for running. But what choice did he have?

Rhett closed his eyes and fixed on his other senses. The room was stale and dank, the humidity oppressive, but the rhythmic lull of sound kept his panic at bay. The thump-thump-thump of the wobbly fan was out of sync with Megan’s steady breathing beside him, but something about the dissonance was strangely comforting. It gave his brain something to fixate on, an imbalance that mirrored his own. It was wrong and desperate and it was the soundtrack of his life.

But the pillow smelled like cigarettes and it made him want to vomit, though he'd had enough of that last night. He jumped from the bed, suddenly disgusted, then pulled on a pair of shorts and stepped out into the night.

Link was looking for him. Rhett knew that. Link was worried and probably at least partially blaming himself, and Rhett regretted that, but again: what choice did he have? Rhett couldn't be trusted. His best friend was good, too good, and would give him everything. He would sacrifice his dreams, his reputation, his future...and for what? For a broken man who would end up breaking his heart? 

Rhett knew he could go back when this had blown over. Link would get some distance and wise up, and the perspective would show him Rhett's true colors. It would be okay. His parents needed the space to sort themselves out without worrying about his feelings. If he were honest, everyone in his life was better off if he kept his distance for a while. Even Megan would be better off without him, but she seemed keen on joining his recklessness, and he couldn't deny he craved the company. If he were honest, Rhett wasn't sure he trusted himself to be alone right now anyway.

A scurrying sound in the darkness chased him back into the dank motel room. With a sigh of resignation, Rhett climbed back into bed. He didn't deserve it, but he allowed himself to be lulled to sleep by the sweet memory of Link's lips on his own.


	8. Not Safe

Link and Kelsey settled into a booth after placing their pizza order at the counter. Her smile was awkward, hopeful but hesitant. They made some small talk for a few minutes, but Link could see in her eyes that she was smart enough to figure out that this wasn’t just a date. He wanted something, and it wasn’t to pick up where they left off at the party.

“So let’s have it,” she said as she swirled her Diet Coke with a straw.

Link cleared his throat. “I need your help.” She didn’t respond. She kept her eyes locked with his and kept swirling her drink, and he cleared his throat again. “I need you to help me find Rhett and Megan.”

“Oh? Why?”

“Do you know where they are?”

“Are you sure they want to be found?”

Link’s eyes narrowed. “Kelsey. _Do you know where they are?”_

She dropped her eyes to her glass. “Not exactly.”

“What does that mean?”

She pinched her lips shut. They were painted red and brought out the fire in her auburn hair. She really was beautiful, and a short time ago he probably would have been eager to be on a date with a girl like her. Her long eyelashes fluttered up and her hazel eyes met his blue ones, but she said nothing. Demanding wasn’t going to work on this girl. She was too shrewd. Link laid his palms flat on the table.

“Okay, Kels. Listen. I don’t know what’s goin’ on here, but I’m worried about Rhett. He’s goin’ through a really rough time, and runnin’ away like this...I’m scared of what he might do.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno, but he’s not himself.”

“You scared he’s finally gonna fuck Megan?”

Link’s eyes went wide. “Excuse me?”

Kelsey rolled her eyes. “Y’all aren’t subtle, you know that? I’ve kissed enough guys to be able to read a little into their motives.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you were kissin’ me for him.”

That exposed feeling was creeping up on him, but Link felt the need to play dumb. “Why would I do that?”

She rolled her eyes again. “Did you think I didn’t notice how you were watchin’ him every time he was around? In your head it was him you were kissin’. You were tryin’ to make him jealous. I ain’t an idiot, Link.”

“I didn’t say you were an idiot.”

“Then don’t treat me like one. Be honest with me now. It’s the least you can do if you want my help.”

Link’s mouth hung open. She had him cornered. He pulled his jaw closed and swallowed hard. What did she really expect him to say? As he scrambled to decide on a response, her face softened.

“Listen. I ain’t judgin’ you. I know what they say about me. They think I’m goin’ to hell, that I’m a slut. But I’m just me. I’m figurin’ myself out, but this is me, and it’s none of their damn business. And the same goes for you. You’re you. Own it.”

Link held her gaze for long moments, trying to read her sincerity. Then he shook his head. She was right. He couldn’t hide forever. Might as well start here. He looked down into his Coke.

“I’m in love with Rhett.”

Kelsey nodded. “Good man. Now let’s talk.”

***

Link was eager to leave, but he had to admit that the logic for waiting until the next day, Sunday, was sound. By the time he and Kelsey had touched base with not only their own parents but with Rhett’s and Megan’s, it was getting to be late in the day. Raleigh was only a forty-five minute drive, but they didn’t know exactly where they’d be looking when they got there. They agreed to get an early start the next morning and have a full day to look.

Link tried to go to sleep early but he lay in his bed for some time, wide awake. Kelsey had told him that Megan had called her from Raleigh that morning (which she'd neglected to mention when she gave Link Megan's number over the phone). Megan had been cryptic about where they might be, but it was something to start with. And as luck would have it, Kelsey and Megan had spent some time together in the city, so Kelsey thought they could try following the same paths she and her best friend had taken last time.

Admitting to Kelsey that he was in love with Rhett had felt surreal. It was the first time he’d said the words out loud, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. It wasn't that he was scared about outing himself; for some crazy reason he didn't care much about that. It was the fact that Rhett should have been the first one he'd said the words aloud to. He wanted Rhett to have Link’s every first from this moment on, and if it was the first time admitting to being in love _with Rhett_ , it should have been _to Rhett._

But that couldn't be changed now. Kelsey wouldn't have helped him if he hadn't been willing to be honest with her, and her help was invaluable to finding Rhett and bringing him home. That was what really mattered. Once Link found him, things would be different. He wasn't about to place any expectations on Rhett -- he didn't know what he was comfortable with, what he was ready for. But whatever happened next, things wouldn't be going back to the way they were before. Link could only hope that their future would be better instead of worse than what was behind them.

 

They left at 6:00 a.m. in Kelsey's car. She had a back seat, unlike Link's truck, and though Rhett had driven his car up to Raleigh, they wanted to be prepared for anything, including the possibility of needing to fit all four of them in this vehicle.

It was funny spending time with Kelsey with the potential for romance out of the way, particularly since they had met on a blind date. But her knowledge that Link was in love with someone else seemed to put her at tremendous ease. She seemed to relish the lack of pressure to put on any charms. She could simply be herself. She snorted when she laughed and she chewed her nails when conversation got slow. Link liked her.

Raleigh had barely woken up when they arrived. It was a big city, and while Link had been here many times, it felt bigger now. The task of finding his best friend here was as daunting as finding a needle, albeit a tall one, in a very big haystack. They stopped at McDonald’s for greasy breakfast sandwiches and orange juice, and as they sat across from each other in the booth, they hashed out a game plan.

“So tell me everything she said on the phone,” Link began.

“She really was pretty tight-lipped about it, to be honest. She said something like, _‘We’re in Raleigh but we're okay. Rhett just needs a little time to sort some things out and he needed space to do it.’_ ”

“Okay. So it was Rhett's idea.”

“Seems that way. Any ideas where he might go?”

Link thought. All the places Rhett went to clear his head were particular to Buies Creek. The rocks. The river. The pasture. They had spent time in Raleigh too, but never just to hang out and explore. It was school trips, basketball games, museums with family.

“I don't know. Rhett likes the outdoors. He likes nature. Rhett in the big city feels foreign to me. What did you and Megan do when you were here?”

“Mostly just drank. She knew some guys that lived here and we partied with them. They took us to a bar.” Kelsey rolled her eyes. “Classy, I know.”

Link waved it off, but the thought made him think about a subject that had been nagging at him for a while. “Can you tell me more about Megan? Like, what is she like?”

“You mean in general?”

“Yeah, I mean,” he rambled, “I don't really know her, and I feel like I should. Like, if she's important to Rhett--”

“You wanna make sure she's good enough for him?”

Link pressed his lips together, and Kelsey squinted at him.

“No, that ain't makin’ the point, is it? You're already sure she's not. You just wanna feel out the competition.”

Link felt himself flush under her scrutiny. She had a gift for reading people, and he wasn't so sure he liked it. But there was no point denying what they both knew was true.

“It ain’t exactly that I don’t think she’s good enough for him, in that I think there’s anything wrong with her. It’s just…”

“He deserves the world.”

Link nodded. “Yeah.”

“You think you can give him that?”

He didn’t have to stop to think before he had his answer. “No, I can’t. It’s not that I think I’m so great. It’s just that we’re great together.” Link chuckled. “Does that sound stupid?”

Kelsey smiled. “No. Cheesy maybe, but not stupid. You’ve really got it bad, huh?”

He laughed. “Gosh, it’s so weird to talk about this.”

“Well, you better start getting used to it.”

“Why is that?”

“What, do you expect to hide for the rest of your lives? Marry some nice Christian girls but all the while you’ll be fucking in secret for years and years, praying nobody finds out?”

Link winced. “Is that really what you think of me?”

“To be fair, I barely know you. But I’m not tryin’ to make a judgment on you, or on him. It’s just that y’all are gonna have to make a choice. Be true to yourselves, or hide. You can’t have it both ways.”

Link picked at his sandwich. “Would you believe me if I told you I’m not afraid to admit...what I am? What I feel?”

“If you say so. Then what’s the issue?”

He sighed. “I just don’t know what he wants, y’know? I mean, I _do_ , but…”

“Have you talked about it?”

Link blushed, giving himself away. “At the party. After you left.”

Kelsey grinned. “Well, that worked out, huh? I guess him yakin’ on Steve’s rug wasn’t the worst thing ever, was it?”

Link laughed in spite of himself. “Guess not.”

 

They wasted the day trying to track down the guys Kelsey said she and Megan had partied with the last time they were in town. It was no use though; Megan had been the one with the connection, and no amount of following routes that seemed vaguely familiar to her had led anywhere. It wasn’t until the sun was starting to get low that it occurred to Kelsey to try the bar they’d visited, and she wanted to kick herself for not thinking of it sooner. Link felt the same. It was a last resort, and he figured if they turned up with nothing they would head back to Buies Creek and come back the next day. Or at least, he would. Kelsey hadn’t made any promises about returning -- she’d given him what leads she had, and she didn’t owe him anything else. She didn’t seem nearly as worried about Megan as Link was about Rhett.

Kelsey remembered the bar at least; it was on a main drag through the city and hard to miss. Link was surprised to see so many people in a bar on a Sunday night, but he had to remind himself that this was a big city, not Buies Creek. They wove through the crowd near the door, around pool tables and people simply standing around laughing and drinking, when a musical laugh rang over the crowd. Kelsey jumped and run in its direction.

Megan squealed when she saw her best friend, leaping into Kelsey’s arms. Link bristled as the sight, however; it was as if they’d been sent on a wild goose chase on purpose, like they’d made it to the end of the maze and won the prize.

He searched the bar for _his_ prize, but when his scan showed up empty his eyes fell on Megan, and she was already looking back.

“He ain’t here.”

Link frowned. “Then where is he?”

Megan passed in front of Kelsey and faced off with Link, hands on her hips. “I liked him, y’know.”

“Liked?”

Her eyes narrowed. _“Like.”_

“You don’t think he likes you too?”

She rolled her eyes and turned around, sauntering back toward Kelsey. “He’s at the motel,” she said over her shoulder. “Maybe. Unless he left.”

Link’s eyes widened in panic. “Where? Where’s the motel? Do you have the address?”

Megan turned back again toward him and laughed bitterly, then she shook her head. “Whatever. I don’t even care.” She marched to the bar and asked for a cocktail napkin and a pen, and when the bartender managed to find a pen, she thanked him with a bright smile. She scribbled the name of a motel and a room number onto the napkin and handed it to Link. “Tell him...tell him it was fun.”

Link patted his pockets for his car keys, but when they came up empty he remembered he hadn’t driven. He looked at Kelsey, wide-eyed and frantic.

“Please, Kels. He’ll take off again and…”

Kelsey looked torn. She turned to Megan in question, and Megan rolled her eyes and waved her off. “Go. I ain’t goin’ anywhere. He was my ride.”

Kelsey gave her friend a warm smile. “I’ll be right back.” Then she turned to Link and looked down at the napkin. “You know where this is?”

He shook his head and looked around helplessly until his eyes fell on the bartender, who smiled. The directions he gave were simple enough. Link thanked him profusely before they ran out the door.

***

When he heard the knock on the door, Rhett didn’t bother switching off the TV nor putting on a shirt, though he was impressed with the pizza delivery guy’s speed. He’d only called ten minutes ago after all. He grabbed his wallet off the nightstand and strode to the door, unlatching the chain and the deadbolt, and swinging it open.

Link. Rhett’s brain struggled to process the turn of events, and he blinked, sure for a fraction of a moment that he was hallucinating.

“You’re not pizza,” he murmured.

“Well, neither are you.”

The corner of Rhett’s mouth quirked up. “What’re ya doin’ here, man?”

“What are _you_ doin’ here?”

“You gonna turn everything I say back around on me?”

“Are _you_ gonna tu--”

“Dude, shut up or I swear I’m gonna punch you in the face.”

Link laughed out loud. “You gonna invite me in or what?”

Rhett turned to the side and gestured into the room with a flourish, and Link strode in like he owned the place. He walked to the bed and stopped, looked at it for a moment, then stepped to the rickety desk chair before sitting. “So, you got pizza comin’?”

“I didn’t order enough to share.”

“Megan ain’t comin’ back, huh?”

Rhett shook his head.

“She said to tell you that it was fun.”

“What was?”

“I dunno, man. That’s all she said. You tell me.”

Rhett clenched his teeth as they stared each other down. “You wanna go down to the vending machines and buy us some chips or something? ‘Cause I’m serious, I had plans to eat the whole damn pizza by myself.”

Link rolled his eyes and stood, pulling his wallet from his pocket. “Where are they?”

“Down the walk to the right, outside the office.”

Link nodded as he pulled the door open. “You better let me in when I come back.”

“Only if you have snacks.”

Link was laughing as he closed the door behind him. Rhett dropped to the bed with his head in his hands. He wasn’t prepared for this. He knew they’d have to talk, that he’d have to face him after what had happened at the party, but he thought he had more time. His brain whirred through the things he could say, should say, shouldn’t say, and he was no closer to nailing down a final draft than when he’d started by the time Link’s knock echoed into the room again. He hopped up to let him in before he could be accused of trying to lock him out, tempted as he might be.

Link’s arms were loaded down with what seemed like every kind of snack under the sun.

“Is this enough?”

Rhett chuckled. “It’ll do.” He snatched a bag of Cheetos off the top of the pile and plopped onto the bed, folding his long legs in front of him as he tore the bag open. Link let the rest fall in a pile on the desk and opened a bag of seasoned pretzels for himself. They ate in silence for a minute before Link interrupted Rhett’s thoughts.

“So what happened with Megan?”

“Didn’t she tell you? And how’d you find us anyway?”

“It’s a long story. Kelsey helped.”

“Is she here?”

“Not here. At the bar.”

Rhett was relieved. He’d felt bad leaving Megan there, but she’d insisted. She’d said she would find her own way home, that there was no way she was riding home with him. But what did it make Rhett that he was willing to leave a girl alone at a bar with strangers?

“Are you gonna leave me in suspense all night?” Link asked.

“We broke up.”

“I figured that much. Why?”

He was saved by the bell -- or the knock, to be precise. Rhett hopped up with wallet in hand to pay for his pizza while Link waited patiently, eating his pretzels as he watched the exchange. When the door closed behind the delivery guy, Link spoke.

“I’ve got a lot of questions, Rhett, so if you’re gonna dodge every single one of them, it’s gonna take us an awful long time to get through it.”

“Am I obligated to answer all your questions?”

“I suppose not. But it would be nice.”

“What other questions you got?”

“One at a time.”

Rhett nodded and sat on the bed. He looked hard at Link. “I told her.”

Link stopped chewing but didn’t respond, so Rhett continued.

“About the party.”

“So you remember that?”

Rhett rolled his eyes as he grabbed a slice of pizza out of the box. “I told ya I would.”

Link swallowed, his voice going soft. “Yeah. You did.”

“She already knew though.”

“What? How?”

“Well,” Rhett backpedaled, “she didn't _know_ , like, what happened. But she knew...that I wanted it to.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Link ate another pretzel, his eyes distant as he chewed. Rhett picked up the pizza box and held it out to him, and Link smiled in thanks as he took a piece.

“So is that why she dumped you?”

“Who said she dumped me? All I said was we broke up.”

“What? You dumped her?”

Rhett shook his head in frustration. This conversation wasn't going right, and it was because he hadn't had time to work it out in his head. He was supposed to have more time. He needed to figure out how to explain it to him. But it was too late now. He was here, and this was happening.

“Link, there's somethin’ I gotta tell you.”

Link's brows furrowed. He set his food down on the desk and folded his hands, prepared to listen.

“I slept with her.”

The serious expression on Link’s face froze. His eyes flicked past Rhett to the bed, then back to Rhett's face. When he finally responded, it was in a choked whisper.

“Why?”

“Come on, Link,” Rhett sighed. “Ain't we been talkin’ about this for weeks?”

“Don't lie to me.”

He wasn't ready. Neither of them were. “Because I needed somethin’ to feel good, alright? It didn't mean anything.”

“You fucking son of a bitch.” Link’s voice quavered when he spoke, but Rhett chose to ignore it, standing to his feet.

“What, I owe you an explanation now? You think you have some claim on me because you kissed me?”

“Excuse me?” Link stood to face him. “ _I_ kissed _you?_ I practically had to fight you off, you asshole! Didn't you notice that pretty cut on your lip?” Link poked the scab on Rhett’s mouth to prove his point, and Rhett flinched.

“If it was so unwelcome, what makes you think there's something goin’ on here? What makes you think I owe you anything?”

“You told me--” Link shouted before cutting off his thought, his mouth snapping shut.

Rhett wasn't ready. He stepped around the bed to the other side and sat facing away from Link. He could feel his friend watching him, boring a hole into him, and Rhett leaned into his palms and covered his face.

“You told me,” Link said, quieter now, the tremor still evident, “that when you're with her you're thinkin’ of me.”

Rhett didn't answer. He didn't look up.

“You told me you loved me.”

“Yeah,” Rhett said into his hands. “I noticed that was pretty one-sided.”

Rhett heard the quiet shuffle of Link's footsteps as he rounded the bed, then the mattress dipped beside him. He expected hands, but instead he felt the firm press of Link's forehead into the crook of his neck. Instead of words, he heard the soft sound of Link's sobs, his tears cooling on Rhett's skin.

“Why you cryin’, bo?”

Link chuckled through his tears. “That's what I said to you.”

“Did you?”

“See? You don't remember everything.”

“I remember you kissin’ Kelsey. Pissed me off.”

Link rolled his head sideways, resting his temple against Rhett's bony, tear-soaked shoulder. “That's why I did it.”

“To piss me off?”

“To make you jealous.”

“Well, it worked.”

“Why'd you sleep with Megan, Rhett? Tell me the truth.”

Rhett sighed. “Because I was runnin’.”

“From me?”

Rhett nodded.

“Why?”

“‘Cause I was scared. I still am.”

“Of what?”

“Everything.”

Link sat up and looked Rhett in the eye. “Is it because I'm a guy? Is that too real for you?”

“I dunno, man. Maybe that's part of it. Mostly, though, I think I'm just scared of how I feel.”

“You'd rather feel nothin’? I thought you said if it meant somethin’ it would be magic?”

“Don't you get it, man?” Rhett turned his body sideways to look at Link more directly. “I fucked Megan last night and then I broke up with her this afternoon. And I don't even care. She's sweet and fun and beautiful, but I don't care. I didn't love her, so it was safe to lose her. But you’re...you’re not safe. And I couldn't--” Rhett's voice cracked and he dropped his eyes to his hands, fingers fidgeting in his lap. “I can't do it.”

“So, what?” Link asked. “You don't trust me? You think I'm just gonna break your heart?”

“Why not? My dad never expected my mom to break his heart either, but look at them. And they were happy once too.”

“Rhett, this is diff--”

“Why?” Rhett stood again. “Why is this different? Give me one good reason. Swear to me you'll never hurt me. Swear that we would always be happy, no matter what. That we wouldn't get bored or distracted or stop having enough time for each other. It'll just be seventh heaven forever in our gay little world.”

Link's eyes narrowed. “You can't slip that in there and still pretend me being a guy isn't a part of the problem for you.”

“It's all of it! It's you, it's my parents, it's me, it's everything! What makes us so special that we're immune to the pressure of not only going against the flow but staying happy against the odds? Can you promise me any of that?”

Link's mouth tightened. “No.”

Rhett sat back down beside him. Their proximity was deafening, the tension rolling off them both in waves. “I just can't lose you, man. Not now, not in thirty years after things start to unravel. I can't do it.”

“Rhett, look at me.” Rhett obeyed, and as he met his blue eyes he felt Link’s hand curl around his own. “We're not your parents, or mine either. I can't promise you anything, but I need you to know somethin’.” Link paused a moment to make sure Rhett was really listening, really hearing him. “I love you. I've always loved you. And no matter what happens, even if we fight and act like jerks and make each other miserable, I'm always gonna love you.”

“I don't know if that's supposed to make me feel better.”

Link laughed. “Neither do I. I know for a fact that I'm gonna hurt you, and you're gonna hurt me.”

“This is gettin’ better and better.”

He laughed again. “I know. I can't promise you anything except today.”

“Okay,” Rhett whispered. “Whaddya got for today?”

Link smiled. “Close your eyes.”

Rhett hesitated, but the glint in Link's eyes prompted him to concede. From the darkness behind his lids Rhett felt the mattress shift again as Link's weight left it. He heard a brief swish of fabric -- a  garment being removed -- then a few moments later there was a brush of skin against the insides of his knees and the soft press of lips against the hollow of his throat. Rhett's mouth fell open in a breathy groan, and as his head dropped back to give Link better access, he felt a rush of emotions flood through him. There was arousal, yes, but it was more. It was relief. It was impatience. It was dizzying terror. He felt his equilibrium go haywire, and as Link's tongue explored his throat Rhett reached out to find the bare skin of Link's broad shoulders just inches from his own still-bare chest. Lust surged through him like a bolt of lightning to his groin, and he wrapped his arms around Link's shoulders and pulled him to himself, pressing their chests together.

Link responded immediately, his arms wrapping around Rhett's ribcage, fingernails digging into his back. He felt Link's mouth trail across his shoulders, hungrily lapping at his collarbones, the tip of his tongue running circles down his left pec and finding a home on his nipple. The feeling of Link's mouth latching on and sucking at the sensitive skin made Rhett buck up against him where his erection, confined by his shorts, pressed against Link's bare stomach.

“Jesus, Link. Holy shit,” he gasped. Link chuckled, and without warning he shoved at Rhett's shoulders, knocking him back onto the bed. Rhett's eyes popped open for the first time since Link had asked him to close them, and he was blessed with the sight of Link Neal climbing over him, straddling his hips with a wide grin. Rhett reached out to run his hands down Link's chest and stomach, hard muscle shaping the smooth, tanned skin. Link allowed the touch, sitting perched conveniently atop Rhett's straining bulge as Rhett explored. He ran his fingers through the patch of dark hair, traced the curves, and lingered on his nipples, running fingertips around them both in tandem before pinching slightly. Link's eyes fluttered closed at the sensation, mouth dropping open, and Rhett felt a rush of power. He wanted more of that look on Link's face.

He sat suddenly, holding Link's body on his lap as he brought their chests together again. Their faces widened into euphoric grins, eyes sparkling like when they were children. Rhett's head spun as memories flashed through his synapses: laughing as they tackled each other on the playground at recess, hiding in his bedroom giggling after they'd snuck cookies from the kitchen without permission, Link's face being the first one he sought in the crowd after he'd scored a game-changing three-point shot. They moved in unison to bring their mouths together, both of them groaning sighs of relief into the caverns of each other's throats. With his tongue Rhett tasted the boy he'd raced bikes with; with his hands he explored the boy he'd spent nights freezing in tents with. They found a rhythm together, hips rocking, Link hissing through his teeth as he ground down against the hardness beneath him. Rhett cried out, though he wasn't sure if it was from the intensity of feeling Link's cock pressed against his or the way his heart ached, terror straining at its walls, the blood pumping too fast, too hard, too hot.

Link reached between their bodies to busy his fingers at the opening of Rhett’s shorts. Rhett groaned and leaned back, resting on his elbows and raising his hips after Link rolled off of his lap before hooking his fingers into his waistband. He took his time, and Rhett felt tears burn his eyes with the way Link's careful attention twisted the knife. He needed him now, before he could stop to feel any deeper, and the way Link worshipped his body served only to intensify Rhett's self-loathing. He felt his shorts slide down his legs, and Link's soft lips pressed against his upper thighs, first one and then the other. His tongue traced just below the bottom edge of his briefs, and Rhett's cock twitched, begging for attention. Link watched, tracking the throbbing evidence, and grinned as he spread his hand over the length of him, palming him through the white cotton. He gave him a few firm strokes before moving his hand and dropping down to kiss him through the fabric, eliciting a gasp from Rhett's throat. Link chuckled, breathed him in deep, and kissed him again. Rhett thrust up involuntarily, bumping Link in the face, and Link breathed a laugh through his nose and wagged a finger to scold him.

He trailed kisses up the length of Rhett's body as his hand returned to the bulge in Rhett’s briefs. Rhett eased himself down to lie flat, freeing his hands to attend to Link’s own shorts. When he’d opened them he cut to the chase, sliding his hand inside both shorts and underwear to wrap his palm around the warm flesh. Link groaned and thrust up into his hand, grunting out monosyllabic encouragements at the sensation. It was all the motivation Link needed to match Rhett’s progress, and he slid his hand inside Rhett’s briefs to grip him as well. They both gasped as their rhythm returned, both men grunting and panting as they rutted into each other’s hands. They peppered each other’s faces and necks with kisses until all they could do was press sweaty foreheads together and focus on the heightening tension, the waves of pleasure climbing, then cresting. Rhett came first with Link on his tail within seconds. They moaned wordlessly into the humid air, then Link collapsed onto Rhett’s chest, both of them panting as they came down from their high.

Link continued to press lazy kisses into Rhett’s neck and the crease of his shoulder, heedless of the salty sweat running down onto the bed’s comforter. Eventually he extricated his hand from Rhett’s briefs, wiped the evidence onto his shorts, and rolled onto the bed beside Rhett. From the corner of his eye Rhett saw Link turn his head to look at him, but Rhett kept his eyes fixed on the rickety ceiling fan above them.

All Link could promise him was today. He knew that that was all he could ask for. Rhett pulled himself to a stand and walked to the bathroom, and there he cleaned himself up with tissues before returning to the bed with fresh ones for Link. He tossed them onto his belly before sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows pressed into his thighs.

When Link had cleaned himself up he joined Rhett at the edge of the bed. He looked him up and down, but Rhett was sure not to give any hints of what he was feeling.

“You wanna stay here tonight?” Link asked.

Rhett shook his head. “No. Let’s go home.”

After they had dressed, Link helped him pick up the room, both of them eating cold pizza as they cleaned in silence. They barely spoke a word, even after Rhett’s things had been stowed into the back of the Dynasty and they’d pulled out into the night. They listened to a Merle Haggard cassette as Rhett drove home to Buies Creek. They didn't talk, but they sang, Link's voice splitting off into a clear harmony.

 

It was late when Rhett pulled into Link's driveway. Link hesitated, unwilling to get out, and Rhett was startled when Link grabbed his hand and squeezed it with a sudden urgency.

“Please don't run again,” he whispered. “You don't owe me anything. But please, please don't run.”

“I'm not gonna run,” Rhett assured him. “But I'm gonna need some time. Y’know, to think.”

Link nodded, releasing his hand. “Okay. Yeah, I understand. I'll...I'll be here.”

“I know.”

With a last searching look at Rhett's face in the dim glow of his porch light, Link gave him a half-hearted smile and slipped out of the car. Rhett didn't wait for him to make it into the house before he drove away.


	9. Who Loved Him Still

When Link came home from work each day he tried not to look at his mother like a wounded puppy, hoping she’d tell him he’d missed a call from Rhett. He tried not to obsess over the answering machine when she hadn’t been home to take a call either.

When he was at home he tried to keep himself busy. He started packing for college, dividing his room into: go, stay, toss, donate. But for everything that was to go with him, the ache in his heart grew larger. He pictured their dorm room and where each item would belong, and the thought was inseparable from Rhett. His space would be their space. But would Rhett still want to live with him? Would he decide he couldn’t go through with them being together, and therefore living together as roommates would be too much? Would he pull away, his fears of losing Link becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy? Would he choose to lose Link now, before he’d invested any more of his heart, rather than later after they’d built a life together like his parents had?

Five days passed in silence. Over dinner Link pushed his food around his plate, answering his mother’s questions with grunts and monosyllabic, half-hearted attempts at conversation. Finally she’d had enough.

“Is this about Rhett?”

Link felt his heart drop into his stomach. He looked up at her with eyes wide. “What?”

“You never did tell me what happened, other than that he was home safe. Is he okay?”

Link stared at her, unable to form a thought in answer. She squinted as she tried to read what his silence meant, and he scrambled for a response.

“He’s okay, he’s...takin’ some time. Y’know, to think.”

“Was it because of what’s going on with James and Di? He really is takin’ it hard, isn’t he…”

Link nodded. He was trying to convince himself to take a bite of lasagna when she spoke up again.

“Wouldn’t it help him to get out of the house though? I mean, I can understand him needin’ to get away from his parents’ for a while, even if he shouldn’ta run off without explanation like that, but why haven’t we seen him all week? You wanna invite him over?”

Link found himself boring a hole into his lasagna with his eyes. He hated the tears he felt pricking behind his eyelashes, and he tried to hide his face as he blinked them away. But she was his mother. She reached out, wrapping a gentle hand around his forearm.

“Sweetie, what is it?”

Link shook his head as he sniffed back his tears. “He doesn’t want to see me.”

“Did y’all get in a fight?”

“No, not really. I mean, a little, but…that’s not…”

“Then what is it, honey? You can tell me.”

Link planted his elbows into the table and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Kelsey was right. He couldn’t hide forever.

“D’you wanna go for a walk, Mama?”

He couldn’t see her face, but he could hear the smile in her voice. “Of course I do.” When he heard the squeak of her chair being pushed out from the table, Link dropped his hands from his eyes and followed her lead. Without a word they slipped on their shoes and stepped out the door.

 

Sue looped her arm through Link’s as they walked. She was patient with him, giving him all the time he needed to figure out what he wanted to say, and Link was grateful. He rehearsed the words in his head a million times, a million different ways. Finally he decided.

“Mama, when I was little, kids used to pick on me. Y’know?”

She nodded as she remembered it. “You were small, and quiet. Sometimes that makes for an easy target.”

“But that wasn’t all it was. Did I ever tell you about when John Carson was pickin’ on me?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Rhett punched him. Right in the gut.”

Sue broke into a laugh, throwing her head back, and Link couldn’t help but chuckle along. “That Rhett,” she said. “He's a good boy. What was John pickin’ on you about?”

Link sighed. “I don’t remember the exact words, but I think it was the usual thing.”

“Which was…?”

“They called me gay, Mama. Don’t you remember? Didn’t you ever hear it too?”

Her face twisted into some mixture of concern and regret. She hesitated a moment before responding, her voice hushed. “I ‘spose so. I didn’t give it much thought though. Kids say things. And they quit when you started datin’ in middle school, right? You got to be quite the ladies’ man after a while. Such a handsome boy.”

Link chuckled again. “Hush, Mama.”

She pressed her lips together, suppressing the smile of pride over her handsome, popular son. She nodded to indicate she’d be quiet and let him continue.

“Rhett started likin’ girls so much sooner than I did. I never understood it though. I mean, they were nice enough, but I never understood this obsession he had with them. I was happy to just be a kid, tumblin’ rocks or whatever I was into at any given time. Then Lesli asked me out and I figured it was time, y’know? Rhett had dated her first, and it was like, he opened the new chapter for us. It wasn’t enough to just like girls; now we had to date ‘em. So I did. And it was nice. It was fine.”

Sue nodded but kept quiet. She squeezed his arm tightly in hers, and he felt a tension there, beyond just the need to hold him close. She was waiting.

“But Rhett would date these girls, and he would be completely focused on them, and I couldn’t understand it. It made me mad, ‘cause even when I had a girlfriend I liked, I really wanted to spend time with him. And it seemed like every time he had a girlfriend, she got almost all his time. I hated it. I think half the reason I dated the girls I did was just to try to find another way to fill my time when he didn’t have time for me. I needed someone to want to be with me, and since I was supposed to be datin’ girls, then it made sense for that to be what I did.”

“But…” his mother urged him on when he paused for a longer beat, the words dancing at the tip of his tongue. She understood. Link took a deep breath.

“But he’s the one I wanted, Mama. I never really understood it until recently. I knew how I felt, but somehow I compartmentalized it. I put my attraction to him in a box and called it an anomaly, and I put my affection for him in another box and called it friendship, brotherhood. But it was both all along, and the two of them together meant something bigger than I was willing to see for what it was.”

Link paused and watched his mother’s face from the corner of his eye. If she had anything to say, he wanted to give her the chance, but she looked too deep in her own thoughts. Her eyebrows were furrowed, though not in anger or disgust. She was processing, and she had the right to work through it. Her mouth opened once or twice before she finally decided on what she wanted to say.

“So what does that mean for you? Does that mean you’re…”

“Gay?”

Sue swallowed and nodded.

“I dunno, Mama. Maybe. Ultimately I don’t know if it matters what the right label is, but I think I do need to sort out my feelings about girls, if it ever was genuine or if those feelings were just something I felt I was supposed to have and convinced myself that I did. Either way, I know that I’ve never loved anyone like I love Rhett.”

She turned her head and looked directly at him for the first time since they’d begun their walk. The surprise on her face vanished moments after it appeared, replaced with something like clarity. “Of course you do. Of course. I don’t know why that would surprise me.”

Link chuckled. “Yeah. I don’t know why it surprised me either. I always knew I loved him, but to realize I was _in_ love with him was something different. It took hearing him say the words for me to realize I felt it too.”

Her eyes went wide as saucers, and she stopped walking. “He…”

Link struggled with his face. The knowledge that Rhett loved him in return worked at pulling the corners of Link’s mouth up into an exuberant grin, but he felt the need to fight it, to maintain a sense of sobriety as his mother took in the knowledge. It was one thing to know your son was in love with his best friend, something that had to at least have crossed her mind over the years. But it was quite another to know that that same boy loved him back, that the possibility, whether past, present, or future, of him having a romantic and physical relationship with another man was a reality. Link was happy to give her what room she needed to come to grips with this -- already she was showing him so much more acceptance than most people making this announcement in this particular part of the world could dream of.

They’d circled the block, and their house loomed ahead. They walked on in silence, turning off the road into the driveway when they reached it, through the front door, standing in the quiet of their house. Link stood empty-handed in the entryway, and he waited. He watched his mother as she walked to the living room and looked for things to busy herself with, examining the leaves on her potted plants and brushing dust from picture frames. Her eyes stopped on a picture of him and Rhett laughing in their caps and gowns. She studied it, her gaze flicking between them. Without looking up, she stretched out her hand toward Link, and he took it, joining her at her side.

“Why doesn’t he wanna see you, baby?”

“He says he’s scared.”

“Of what? How he feels?”

“He’s scared I’m gonna break his heart. He’s scared of lettin’ himself feel somethin’ that could make him hurt someday.”

“Yet here he is, hurtin’ anyway. Hurtin’ himself, hurtin’ you. And it didn’t take rings on your fingers for that to happen.”

Without warning, Link’s eyes filled with tears. She sensed the change in him and turned to look at his face, and when she saw his tears she pulled him in, wrapping him in a hug.

“Give him time, honey. But let him know you ain’t goin’ anywhere. Sometimes people need to see what it looks like when someone sticks with them through the hard stuff before they can trust them to do it for the long haul.”

“But what if he runs, Mama? I’m scared I’m gonna lose him.”

“You can’t lose him. He’d no sooner let you go than cut off his own arm. You’re a part of each other, Link. He’ll figure that out soon enough.”

***

Weezer had not improved Rhett’s circumstances in the last couple weeks, yet here he was again, drowning out his sorrows with mindless teenage entertainment. This time there was no arguing to muffle. It was the silence that broke him now.

He was angry, so the headphones had to go. He let the speakers blare, and screw his dad if he complained. If James McLaughlin wanted his house to be so goddamn quiet then he should let Rhett leave. If he wanted Rhett to feel sorry about running away then he should have made some effort to make this home a welcome place, a place he would want to stay. If he wanted to have a happy home he shouldn’t have chased his wife away. If he wanted a happy son he shouldn’t have grounded him just when Rhett was ready to tear his own skin off with the way he needed to get out, get out, and run.

But he’d promised Link he wouldn’t. Link, who loved him. Link, who had cleaned him up and cared for him and stood by him when Rhett tore at him like some object for his own gratification. Link, who chased him down when Rhett abandoned him. Link, whose heart Rhett broke when he gave his body to someone he didn’t love, for selfishness and cowardice and spite. Link, who loved him still.

And despite everything, Rhett wanted to run. He didn’t know why anymore. Maybe this was who he was: unfaithful, undependable, unworthy. Maybe he should run and spare Link greater heartache later. He’d be crushed, but he would heal. He’d find someone nice -- man, woman, whoever he wanted. He was beautiful and perfect and could make any human on earth love him.

And maybe it was selfish (of course it was, because what else was Rhett capable of?), but he didn’t want Link to find someone nice. Rhett had been barely more than a toddler when he’d met the boy he would one day fall in love with, but he’d known that very first day that Link was his. He had to be. He was home. He was the sun on the river, the laughter muffled under their palms. He was fast cars racing and slow days wasted on cool rocks. He was blue eyes that took you under like the water beneath the sky.

Link had said that he could only promise today. But he was a liar. He lied because it's what Rhett wanted to hear: that he was right, of course, like always. Rhett had to be right even when he was wrong.

And he was wrong.

He left Weezer blaring through the speakers as he crept from the house. He barely cared if his father caught him. He had something he had to do.

***

Link thought his heart was going to leap out of his chest when the pebble hit the window. He'd been half-asleep, dozing over a magazine. But only one person threw rocks at his house, and Link was up and at the window like a shot.

Rhett stood in the fading light bouncing a second pebble in his palm. He looked like a wreck. He was too thin, too sad, too lonely. Link wanted to jump from his second story window and devour him whole. Instead he waved. Rhett waved back.

“Be right down,” he said just loudly enough for Rhett to hear. He felt like the occasion called for something heavier, _But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?_ , but that would have to be Rhett's line anyway as Link was the one in the window, and besides, it was quite possibly the stupidest thought he'd ever had.

A nervous chuckle at his own expense bubbled out of Link as he ran down the stairs. His mom caught his eye as he flew past her, and he grinned, laughed out loud, unable to help himself.

“I'll be back, okay?”

Her brows furrowed, her head cocked in question, but he ran on. The screen door slammed behind him just as Link stopped ten feet from Rhett. It wasn't until he faced him that he remembered he had no guarantees as to what Rhett was here to say. The romantic pebble-against-the-window moment did not mean he was in a movie with a happy ending. It's just what they'd always done.

Rhett stared at him, his expression blank. He started to take a step toward Link when his eyes jumped to the house and he froze. Link turned to see his mother in the window, a wistful smile on her face. She brushed at her eye, then waved them off as she walked away, giving them the privacy she knew they needed. Link couldn't be more grateful that she was his.

“You wanna go somewhere?” Rhett asked. “To talk?” His voice was low and hesitant, clenched hands shoved in his pockets. Link just nodded and followed Rhett to his car, and he climbed in without a word. ‘Go somewhere’ was just for show. They didn't speak as Rhett drove, but they both knew where they were going.

Link watched Rhett from the corner of his eye. His right hand tapped nervously against his leg, his left hand restless against the steering wheel. Link wanted to tell him it was okay. Whatever he had to say, it was okay. He wanted Rhett to be happy and whole, and whatever he needed to be that...well, Link would accept it. Some options terrified him, but he had to believe that one way or another they would be okay. They had to be.

The weather had been chilly the last couple days, and it was too late to be walking to the river. But they went on, heads swimming with questions, excuses, confessions, accusations. They shouldn't be here, sliding on cold mud in the dark. Link ached for small talk, anything to ease the tension rippling through his limbs with a tremor made worse by the chill.

Rhett walked straight to the high rock, as if there would have been anywhere else for him under these circumstances, and Link took his place on the low one. He waited, hugging his legs to his chest, wishing for a jacket. Rhett's face was not filled with hope and promise and dedication, and Link felt the dread creeping over him like a fog.

“I been doin’ a lot of thinkin’.”

Link didn't speak. He didn't even nod. Rhett didn't pause long before continuing.

“I need you to realize somethin’, because it occurs to me that you may be deliberately ignorin’ the obvious.” He quieted for a moment as he cleared his throat and ran a palm over his face. “I am a _waste_. I've done nothing but treat you like garbage lately. I've taken for granted every kindness you've shown me. So I need you to know that you don't owe me nothin’. I want you to look carefully at the situation you're in, the man that I am and the man that you are, and the open door in front of you. I'm lettin’ you go, no questions asked. You're off the hook. None of our history obligates you to any sense of loyalty.

“I need you to know how sorry I am too. God, the things I’ve done to you, and you just… Link, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’ta run off. I shouldn’ta slept with Megan. I’m gonna have to regret that for the rest of my life, no matter what you do with me, ‘cause I can’t ever take that back, and after everything… God, I’m just sorry. I’m so sorry. And I needed you to know that. But that doesn’t mean you have to forgive me, or even stick around. I just needed you to know.”

Rhett paused, nodded in finality, and stood to indicate it was time for them to switch positions. Link stood with him, but before Rhett could take the low rock, Link spoke.

“I understand that you're not holdin’ me to anything, Rhett, but that was never my question. When we talked in...in the motel, the question on the table was whether you could risk bein’ with me.”

“That's exactly it, Link! _I'm_ the risk! Not you!”

“So what does that mean?”

“It means that I had no right!” Rhett's voice cracked, and he took a deep breath to regain his composure. “Who the hell do I think I am askin’ you if you can promise not to hurt me when that is literally all I've done these last few weeks? And you...you told me all you could promise me was today, but you’re a damn liar, Link. Because everything you’ve done…”

Rhett pressed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets as the tears came. “Why are you like this?” he sobbed. “What did I ever do?”

Link pressed his lips together and remained silent. All Rhett could hear was himself, and no answer Link could give right now would convince him he deserved to be loved. So Link leaned in. His fingertips landed lightly on the sides of Rhett's neck and drifted up and back, combing into the short hair at the back of his head. With fluid movements he continued his journey through the space between them, cracking away at the cage of fear and loneliness around his best friend. Rhett's breathing was fast and heavy and he winced against the stubborn tears that refused to be held back, and Link's warmth closed in and covered him like a blanket.

When Rhett’s shuddering began to still, Link turned him and guided him down to the low rock. Then he crouched in front of him, taking both of Rhett’s hands in his.

“Rhett, I need you to look at me.”

He hesitated, but Link was patient. When he finally lifted his gaze, Link smiled.

“Rhett McLaughlin, you are kind. People get fooled by this tall jock thing you’ve got goin’ on, but you are the softest soul I know. You’re fiercely protective of the people you love. I know you would die for me without a second thought.

“You are wise and brave and insightful. I’m not gonna pretend you don’t drive me crazy sometimes with your theories about the future or the universe, but I love it. I love the way your brain works, how you’re willin’ to explore these theories and stand behind the ones you believe in. Even the crazy ones.

“And do you know how cool you are? You're so talented and so smooth. I mean, I don’t love you just for your coolness, but bein’ around you is like bein’ the moon. Like my purpose in life is to reflect your sunlight, so even when you ain’t around, people can’t forget you. I love it. I love bein’ your moon, Rhett. I wanna eclipse with you, baby.”

Rhett burst out laughing, and Link grinned widely, pleased with himself. When Rhett met his eyes again, Link continued.

“I don’t feel obligated to act on some sense of loyalty. I don’t wanna be with you because I feel like I have to be. Heck, we never even admitted how we felt until a week ago. We coulda gone our whole lives just pretendin’, havin’ it be the one thing that we never talk about. But that ain’t what I want. I want you because I love you, and I love you because you’re worthy of love. And the history we have...that just cements it. You’re woven into every part of my life, and since the day we met I’ve never wanted anything but to be with you, to be around you, to be liked by you, to be loved by you. Why is that so hard for you to believe?”

Rhett shook his head. “I dunno.”

“Listen,” Link continued. “I’m not gonna pretend you didn’t hurt me. Gosh, Rhett, I thought...I thought we’d be each other’s first, y’know? But if I only accepted somebody who never hurt me, I’d have to go ahead and die right now, ‘cause I can’t even manage to be good to myself. But love is accepting the bad with the good. So I forgive you. I love you, and I forgive you. Okay? Can you accept that?”

Rhett wiped his face with his palm and nodded, sniffling loudly.

“So the question still remains,” Link said. “Do you want to be with me?”

Rhett sighed. “C’mere.” He opened his arms, and Link climbed into them, settling onto Rhett’s lap. “I do,” Rhett whispered, “but I’m scared. And it ain’t that I'm scared of _you_. I trust you. You’ve proven yourself to be good to me, far more than I’ve proven to you--”

“Shhh…” Link hushed him.

Rhett rolled his eyes and went on. “I’m just sayin’ that I’ve dealt with that, and it’s not you hurtin’ me that I’m scared of. Because you’re gonna; you’re human. We’re gonna hurt each other no matter what. But I think I’m willin’ to take that risk if it means bein’ with you, ‘cause _not_ bein’ with you is a hurt so much worse that I can’t even think about it.”

Link dropped his face to the crook of Rhett’s neck with a sigh of contentment. He pressed a kiss to Rhett’s jaw, another to his throat, and nuzzled into the warm skin above his collar. “So then what is it?”

“It’s everybody else. It’s not that I really care what they think of me, it’s that I’m scared of losin’ ‘em. ‘Cause I don’t wanna lose _you_ , Link, but I love them too. My mom and dad, Cole… And your parents too, what are they gonna say when we--”

“--I told her.”

Rhett pulled away enough to look at Link’s face, his eyes impossibly wide. “You did _what?”_

“I told my mom. I told her we were in love.”

“Oh my God.”

Link chuckled. “Yeah, pretty crazy, right?”

“What did she say?”

Link raised his hands to Rhett’s cheeks and cupped them in both his palms. “She said we’re a part of each other, and that you would rather cut off your own arm than lose me.”

Link laughed when Rhett’s jaw dropped. “Damn, I always knew your mom was somethin’ else.”

“I told you to stop flirtin’ with my mama. That applies to when she ain’t around too.”

“Well, those good looks of yours came from somewhere, and--”

Link cut him off with a kiss. They chuckled into each other’s mouths for a moment, though the humor quickly melted into a sense of indescribable relief. There was no heat, at least on the surface. They kissed languidly, as if to taste every bite of a meal, savoring each note. When their lips parted, Link dropped his forehead to Rhett’s.

“You need to tell them.”

Rhett nodded. “I know. Will you come with me?”

Link pulled back to see into Rhett’s eyes in the dim moonlight. “Are you sure?”

“I can’t do it without you, baby. I need you there.”

“Your dad’s gonna kick my ass.”

“Not until he’s done kickin’ mine. But I’ll hold him off long enough to let you make a run for it.”

Link laughed, then he laid his head back on Rhett’s shoulder. “Are you sure you’re ready to go through with it? ‘Cause I don’t think there’s any comin’ back from this. Once it’s out...we’re out.”

Rhett nodded and wrapped his arms around Link’s frame, pulling him in tight. “Yeah, I’m sure. Tomorrow. We’ll tell them tomorrow.”


	10. His Heart’s Home

Before he’d opened his eyes, Link registered the sunlight through the window. He felt its warmth like soft hands on his arm, fingers stretching across his bare chest, and he smiled. He rolled toward it, allowed it to touch as much of his skin as it could reach, like arms wrapping around his ribcage, and he hugged his own body tight in return. Today was a new day. Today was the first day.

It made his heart ache a little to retreat from the sun’s embrace, but he had a greater sunshine awaiting him. With a groan, Link climbed from his bed. He pulled on a white undershirt and double-checked his legs to make sure he was wearing something more than briefs before heading toward the stairs.

His mother glanced at him over her shoulder once he reached the kitchen, and Link could see the forced nonchalance in her expression.

“Mornin’, honey. How was your night?”

“Good,” he mumbled, returning the casual tone. His jaw creaked as he yawned. “Tired. Got in late.”

“Oh?” she replied, her eyes on the saucepan in front of her.

Link rolled his eyes and smiled as he reached into the cabinet containing their cereal assortment. It wasn’t until he’d poured his Mini Wheats, covered them with milk, and settled in at the table that she gave up waiting. She dropped into the chair beside him and crossed her arms on the table as she leveled him with a pointed look.

“You gonna leave me in suspense?”

Link grinned around his spoon. Sue’s mouth curved up at the corners, her eyebrows raised.

“Yeah? Good news?”

He nodded and wiped the milk from his lips. “He’s in, Mama. We’re...gosh…” Link dropped his spoon into the bowl and covered his face with both hands. “I don’t even know what to say. It’s so weird.”

She laid a hand on his shoulder, and after a moment he dropped his arms back to the table and looked at her.

“Is it weird that it’s hard for me to say the words?” he asked.

Sue smiled softly. “I don’t think so. Here’s the thing, baby: we’ve spent our lives in this place, and we’re products of our culture. I ain’t gonna pretend it’s not weird for me too, but I love you, and I want you to be happy.

“I’ve been wrong about a lot of things in my life, Link. I’ve let myself fall in love with men who weren’t good for me, and I’ve let myself feel guilty when I got divorced, twice, because I let other people tell me what the right decisions for my own life were. I don’t want that for you, though. Maybe everything’s not as black and white as we always thought. Only you can decide what’s best for you, and it ain’t nobody else’s business.”

Link took her hand on the table and squeezed it. “I don’t know why I didn’t start talkin’ to you about this stuff sooner.”

“You weren’t ready. I understand. But you know you can come to me now, right? ‘Cause it’s gonna be hard for y’all. Y’know?”

Link breathed a heavy sigh. “I know.”

“People are gonna say things,” she continued. “Ugly things. But it’s always been you and Rhett against the world, hasn’t it? Y’all are a force to be reckoned with.”

He chuckled under his breath. “Yeah. I s’pose we are.”

Sue stood up and ruffled his bleached hair before crossing back to the stove where her grits were simmering. “So what happens next? What did y’all decide?”

“We’re gonna tell his parents today.”

Sue let out a low whistle. “Is Rhett scared?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you?”

Link picked up his empty bowl and carried it to the sink, then he wrapped his arms around his mother's shoulders from behind. “Kinda. But havin’ you on my team has given me hope. I think it's helped Rhett too.”

She smiled. “Good. You gonna tell your dad?”

“Mm-hmm. I'll stop over there today. Word’s gonna get out, and I want him to hear it from me.”

Sue nodded. “Good boy. If Di needs to talk, will you tell her she can call me?”

“I'll tell her. Thanks, Mama.”

“Anything for you, baby.”

***

Rhett gripped the phone in his hand, trying to convince himself to dial. Once the call had been made it would set events into motion, and the only way out would be through. It wasn't too late to back out, was it? They could run away together, just disappear. He supposed he'd have to give his family some sense of the situation unless he wanted them to think he was dead, and he couldn't do that to them, but if he never had to face them with the truth…

But what was the truth? Why was it something he was so ashamed of? He’d found his soulmate. He was in love. Wasn't this something some people search their whole lives for? Wasn't love something for which people throughout history have lived and died, a force upon which nations had been built and torn down? Rhett had it in his grasp, and should he apologize for it?

And it wasn't just the principle of love that was worth standing up for. It was Link. Rhett loved him; God, he loved him. Link had already been braver than him. He'd told his mother; couldn't Rhett do the same, for Link's sake if not for his own?

Rhett pounded the digits into the handset as fast as he could before his cowardice crept up again and stopped him. The phone rang for some time, and he was almost ready to hang up when he heard the click of the receiver picking up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mama.”

“Rhett!” He could hear the smile in her voice, and it made it harder for him to be afraid. He only hoped it wasn't the last time he'd ever hear it. They'd spoken earlier in the week after he'd returned from Raleigh. She had been stern but relieved that he was back safe, and she'd assured him that his father had her full backing on the house arrest.

Today was his first official day of freedom. (He was grateful to have not been caught sneaking out to see Link the night before.) He hadn't been allowed to leave the house for anything other than work, and since she hadn't come to see him the whole week, Rhett hadn't seen her since the day he'd helped her finish moving into the Higginses.

“Hey, are you free tonight? For dinner?”

“Yes, of course! Did you have somethin’ in mind?”

“Yeah, um…would you be willing to come to the house?” He took a deep breath. “I got somethin’ I wanna talk to you and Dad about, and it would be easier to not have to have the same conversation twice.”

“Oh, okay,” she said, her voice hesitant. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, Mama, everything's fine. 6:00 okay? I'll pick us up some barbecue or somethin’.”

“Don't do anything fancy for me, sweetheart. I'll just be glad to see you. Your dad's okay with this?”

“Yeah, he's fine. I'll see you at 6:00?”

“You bet. See you then.”

Rhett exhaled in a shaky breath the moment the receiver was in its cradle. Now to talk to his dad and make sure he wouldn't be going anywhere tonight. The wheels were in motion. There was no going back now.

***

Link sat in his father’s living room with a glass of lemonade in his hand, waiting. Charles had waved him in from his place in the kitchen where he was tethered to the phone cord, then gestured in the general vicinity of the refrigerator. Link knew his dad well enough to know that it was an invitation to get himself whatever he needed and make himself at home, so that's what he'd done. Link's heel jumped up and down and he gripped the glass more tightly than necessary, but he was here, so that was something.

When Charles finally got off the phone, he found his son on the couch and squeezed his shoulder in greeting before settling into the recliner opposite him.

“What can I do for ya, son?”

“Hey Dad, I, uh, wanted to talk to ya ‘bout somethin’.”

“Somethin’ wrong?”

“No, not exactly. Not at all, actually. But I got somethin’ to tell you that might be a bit of a shock.”

Charles Neal leaned forward in his chair and pressed his elbows into his thighs as he scrutinized his son. It was as if he wanted to surmise the mystery on his own before Link had the chance to speak it himself. Link waited, giving him the chance to do so. If he did, well, that would spare Link from having to figure out how to say it in a way that would hit him with the softest impact possible.

The problem was that Link still didn't know how to explain it because he didn't know what title best applied. Was he gay? Was he bi? Were there any other categories that might apply to him which he wasn't even aware of? This whole world was so new to Link, and he felt at a loss to declare himself part of a population he knew nothing about.

“Well, go on, son. Say what you're here to say.”

So much for the shortcut. At the last moment, Link decided to start with what he knew and go from there.

“I'm in love with Rhett.”

Charles’s brow furrowed. “Rhett? The McLaughlin boy?”

“Yes, sir.”

He scratched the stubble on his chin. “When did this happen?”

Link huffed a laugh through his nose. “Oh, I dunno, Dad. Forever ago? I've loved him forever. I just, y’know...didn't see it for what it was.”

Charles stood and paced away, one hand on his hip and the other in his hair. Link watched him silently and waited. He honestly had no idea what to expect. Would he scream, cuss him out? Tell him he never wants to see his face again? Or would he just silently stew and scowl for years to come but refuse to talk about it, pretending if he ignores it it won't be real?

His father had never been a confrontational man. Neal men had their opinions but generally didn't shove them down people's throats. But this had never happened in their family before -- at least not to Link's knowledge. They were simple people, rural tobacco farmers, and they believed “those people” were products of a culture that encouraged such things. This didn't happen out here, where people understood the ways of God and nature and family. Link knew his best bet was to prepare for the worst.

Charles adjusted his glasses and went back to rubbing his jaw as he turned toward his son. “Are y'all sleepin’ together?”

Link's head dropped into his hands. “Oh gosh, Dad.”

“‘Cause you know that's where AIDS come from.”

“Oh my gosh, stop.”

Charles stopped, mercifully. Silence hung over them like a heavy scent, and Link wasn't sure if the smell was good or bad, but it coated his nostrils and threatened to choke him.

“Why you tellin’ me this now, son?”

Link sighed and dropped his hands back into his lap. “I thought you had a right to know, and I wanted you to hear it from me.”

“Well, I ‘preciate that.”

They held each other’s gaze for a long moment before Link spoke. “Is that it? ‘Cause if you got anything more to say about it, do it now. Get it over with.”

Charles sat back down into his recliner. “Whaddya want me to say?”

Link shook his head and scoffed. “What do I _want_ you to say? That you’re happy if I’m happy. That you accept me no matter what. Can you do that? Or is that askin’ too much?”

His father leaned forward onto his elbows again. “What’re you gettin’ so mad about, son?”

Link felt hot tears of anger sting the corners of his eyes, and he stood and paced away before his father could see them. Crying _and_ gay? God, what a disappointment he was!

“Well, that's all I had to say, Dad. Thanks for hearin’ me out. I'll see ya on Monday.” He'd gotten his fingers around the latch of the door before he felt his father's large hand on his shoulder. Link didn't turn, but he stopped, hand still frozen on the latch.

“Link…you never answered my question. What’re you mad about? Did I say somethin’ wrong?”

Link squeezed his eyes shut tight and kept his back to his father. “I dunno, Dad. I guess I just expected more of a reaction.”

“You came here for a fight?”

Link sighed. “No, Dad. I don’t wanna fight with you.” He wiped his eyes before turning around. “I just needed you to know. ‘Cause this is gonna change things, and...I just need to know who’s in my corner.”

Charles’s brow furrowed. “Son, I’m always in your corner. I don't understand all this, and I’m not sure if I really want to, to be honest. I can’t figure how a man could look at a beautiful woman and not…” Link rolled his eyes and sighed again, and Charles cut off his thought. “But I'm...I'm here for ya. If you need me.”

Link offered a half-smile at the effort. “Thanks, Dad.”

His father patted him on the shoulder in farewell, and Link pulled open the door. He strode to his car without looking back.

Two down, two to go.

***

When Rhett opened his front door at 5:15, he looked his best friend up and down. Link was wearing a soccer t-shirt and Adidas athletic shorts.

“Are you kiddin’ me, man? That's what you're wearin’?”

Link looked down at his outfit. “What? What's wrong with it?”

“You ain't even gonna try to make a good impression?”

“Are you serious?” Link laughed. “I've known your parents for over a decade.”

“But this is different! Damn it, let's see what I got that fits ya.” Rhett flung the door closed and grabbed Link's hand, dragging him up the stairs toward his bedroom. Link's eyes went wide at the contact.

“Isn't your dad here?”

“He ran to the store and then he's pickin’ up dinner. Mom’s comin’ at 6:00.” They rounded the doorway into Rhett's bedroom, and when he turned around he caught Link's smirk.

“What?” Rhett asked.

“You tellin’ me we’re home alone?” Link drawled, one eyebrow raised as he stepped closer to Rhett.

Rhett's eyes went wide with surprise at Link's boldness. This was his bedroom, the same room where they'd spent a thousand hours together playing, laughing, plotting, dreaming. It felt almost wrong to imagine the other, new things they could do together in this room. Which wasn't to say he'd never imagined it. He'd imagined it only too many times, in the darkness when he was alone, safe beneath the covers of his bed, envisioning that the fingers trailing up his shaft weren't his own but Link's instead.

Just like they were now.

“Jesus Christ, Link, what has gotten into you?” Rhett gasped. Link's face was burrowed into his neck, his breath hot against his skin.

“I told my dad,” he breathed, “so now they both know. It's such a relief I feel like I'm on fire, like bein’ together...it's right there in our grasp.” In illustration Link took the opportunity to grasp Rhett firmly through the fabric of his shorts, and Rhett whined and thrust up against his palm. Link chuckled into his neck, opening his mouth to taste his skin with wide, heavy kisses. Link kissed with his whole mouth, his tongue swirling and licking as his teeth grazed and nibbled. His lips were soft and wet and warm, and Rhett felt his resolve begin to melt beneath the heat of Link's mouth. Rhett's hands flew to Link's hair and gripped his scalp, and he lifted Link’s face from his neck and dropped his own mouth to meet him halfway. Link had mercy on him and softened into the kiss, his hands sliding away from Rhett's pants and drifting up his back, fanning across his rib cage.

At the sound of a throat being cleared, Rhett's eyes shot open. He looked over Link's shoulder to see his father standing in the doorway.

“I, uh...forgot the restaurant only takes cash.”

Link spun around, his face bright red. “Uh, hi, Mr. M.”

James’s eyes dragged from Rhett to Link. After a long, painful beat he looked back to his son.

“This your big news?”

Rhett swallowed hard and nodded.

James looked back to Link. “You stay here. Downstairs. I'll deal with you later.” Then to Rhett: “You're comin’ with me.”

***

Link changed his clothes into something more presentable that he found in Rhett's closet, his hands shaking violently as he buttoned the plaid shirt up to the collar. He took a deep breath in through his nose and out his mouth to calm his nerves. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ It was all his fault for coming on to Rhett with the door wide open, and now any hope for a gentle, respectful reveal was lost. He shuddered at the thought of the scathing earful Rhett was getting in the car on the way to pick up dinner.

When he felt he was as presentable as he was going to get, Link slumped down the stairs to the living room. He curled into the side of the couch, his chin propped up in his palm. The sound of the door opening startled him out of the nap he hadn't intended to take, his heart jumping into his throat. Instead of Mr. McLaughlin, though, Mama Di came into view and gave him a warm, surprised smile.

“Link! I didn't expect to see you here!”

Link stood and smoothed his clothes. “Rhett invited me. He and Mr. M are out picking up dinner.”

She crossed the room and wrapped him in a tight hug, and Link was both grateful and uncomfortable. He felt like a traitor -- would she regret that hug once she knew the truth?

“Well, come into the kitchen, sweetie, and tell me how you've been. Let me get you something to drink.”

Link followed her into the kitchen and watched as she whirled around the place like she'd never left. It was almost as if she'd forgotten it was no longer her home. He sat at the table just as a glass of sweet tea appeared in front of him, and Link thanked her. She poured a second for herself and sat down opposite him.

“So what's new, kiddo? How're your folks?”

“They're good, thanks.”

“You got a girlfriend these days? Didn't Rhett set you up with some friend of Megan's? That girl who helped you find them in Raleigh?”

Link huffed through his nose. “Yes ma’am. She was nice, but we're just friends. She's not really...my type.” Link blushed as he said it and immediately regretted the comment.

Diane chuckled. “Well, that's alright. You're headed to school soon anyway. Might as well not get attached to anyone who's not gonna be there with you.”

Link's blush intensified and he kept his mouth shut. Fear notwithstanding, he was anxious to get this over with. And in spite of the shot of adrenaline that burst through his limbs when the back door opened and James stepped through, Link was glad. It was time to face the music.

Rhett slunk in behind him, making brief eye contact with Link as he did. Link tried desperately to read what he could from the expression, but it was over too quickly. Diane looked puzzled at their expressions and the way James was glaring down at Link.

“What? What happened?” she asked.

James ignored her question and strode straight to Link.

“May I see you outside?” he said through his teeth, and Link stood, steeling himself. He had nothing to apologize for. He would stand by Rhett. He followed Mr. McLaughlin out the back door into the yard.

James turned slowly to face him, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I shoulda known,” he said, almost under his breath. “I shoulda seen what you were and kept my boy away from you.”

Link felt his fingers clench into fists, but he refused to look away. Rhett's father was the one averting his eyes, but Link held fast.

“He told me he loves you. That you love him back. You wanna know what I think?”

Link didn't respond. He wasn't terribly interested in this man’s opinion at the moment, so he didn't see any reason to invite it. James huffed in frustration at Link's silence and went on anyway.

“I think y'all are confused. You grew up without a father at home, and your mother, she's a great woman, but she can only do so much to raise a boy right. And a step-father, especially one who doesn't stick around, that's only gonna go so far in providing a role model.

“And now Rhett's confused because he's hurting over what's going on with me and his mom. And you come in, no proper discipline and authority in your life, and you take advantage of my boy’s vulnerable state, y’understand? Maybe you didn't mean to do it. Maybe you really thought you were in love with him. But this ends here.”

James took a breath, waiting a beat to give Link the chance to respond. When he didn't, he continued. “I need to hear you say that you understand me, Link. Whatever's going on between you is over. My son has a bright future ahead of him, and I'll not have him be a pariah. There's too much at stake. So answer me now. Do you understand?”

Link rooted himself to his spot. He wasn't as big and intimidating as Rhett, but he was strong and fierce, and he had something to fight for. So he stood his ground. He looked James McLaughlin in the eye and lifted his chin.

“I understand what you're askin’ for, Mr. McLaughlin. I understand that you care about Rhett and want what's best for him. For years you've been pushin’ him, tellin’ him what he needs to do to have the life you think he wants. Pushin’ him through basketball drills till he's exhausted. Pushin’ him to engineering when he wanted to go to film school. I know you mean well, but Rhett's a man now. You can't keep tellin’ him what he wants or what's best for him. He's got his own life to live.”

“Is that what you think _you're_ doing?” James replied, his voice rising. “Letting him live his own life? Is that what you call it when you're dragging him away from a good, happy, fulfilling life?”

“How is that what I'm doin’?” Link demanded.

“MY SON IS _NOT GAY!”_

James winced at his outburst, his eyes flicking nervously to the house and the neighboring properties. Link took a step forward, narrowing the space between them, and James flinched and backed up slightly.

“What if he was?” Link whispered. “What would that mean?”

James swallowed. “I just want him to be happy.”

“And if bein’ with me is what makes him happy?”

James straightened his spine and set his jaw. “You're being selfish. You know he'd be happier with a normal, stable life. A wife and kids. You claim to love him, but you'd ask him to make himself a social outcast for you. How is that love?”

“You sure you aren't just concerned about what people are gonna think of _you?_ _‘Where did James McLaughlin go wrong?’_ How is _that_ love?”

James narrowed his eyes. “I explained to Rhett in the car what this decision would mean for him. What he's giving up if he chooses you. You don't think he's gonna think twice about throwing his future away for you? Fine. We’ll let him decide. But mark my words, Neal: you are _not_ worth all that. If he chooses you, he's a fool, and he deserves what he gets.”

***

“You're _what?”_

Diane slipped her hand out of Rhett's grasp and leaned back in her chair.

“I'm in love with Link. I'm bisexual.”

She blinked at him, her mouth parted. “You're joking.”

Rhett chuckled nervously. “No, Mama, I'm not. This is real.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I'm sure.”

Her brow crinkled, and Rhett was alarmed to see tears form in her eyes.

“Oh, Mama…”

She raised a hand to quiet him, and he obeyed. With her other palm shielding her eyes she wept quietly for minutes that felt endless to Rhett, but he left her to it, sitting silently at her side. He was surprised when, without looking up, she reached for his hand again.

“Okay,” she said when she'd begun to recover, “I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“If you're bisexual, it means you still like girls too, right?”

“Yeah…”

“So you have a choice! And wouldn't it be easier to be with a woman then? I mean, if you got married someday you'd probably have to be honest with her about it if you still felt attracted to men, but nobody else would have to know--”

“Mama, I don't wanna be with a woman.”

“Why not?”

“Because I love Link. Why is that so hard for y'all to believe? If I liked guys too but fell in love with a woman, I'd probably want to marry her. But that's not what happened. I'm attracted to girls, but Link's the one I love.”

“But are you sure you're attracted to him too? I mean, is it possible you're just confusin’ your affection for him with--”

“Mama, _stop!”_

Diane pressed her lips together to silence herself. Rhett rubbed his forehead with the hand not holding hers and took a deep breath to calm himself.

“Listen. I care about him. I like him. I love him. I'm attracted to him. I want him. What do you need to hear? You want me to go on?”

She held up her hand again and Rhett quieted, but he couldn't contain the bubble of mischief that crept up on him.

“You sure you don't wanna hear more? You wanna hear how much I like kissin’ him?”

“Oh gosh, Rhett.” Diane pulled her hand from his grasp and covered her face with both palms. Rhett chuckled, and she came out from her hiding place with a sigh.

“You're sure about this?”

“I told you I am.”

She took his hand again. “Your dad found out I take it?”

“Caught us kissin’.”

Diane winced, though Rhett wasn't sure if it was from sympathetic embarrassment or being repelled by the visual. “And you're lettin’ him rip Link a new one out there?”

A flicker of worry crossed Rhett's face, but he quickly relaxed. “Link's the strongest person I know, Mama. I bet he's doin’ just fine.”

As if on cue, the back door swung open. Without meeting anyone's eyes, James strode to the bag on the counter containing dinner and immediately set to work unpackaging it and setting it on serving plates. Link stepped in behind him and stood still in the center of the kitchen, his eyes jumping from Rhett to Diane as he tried to assess the situation. Diane smiled faintly and patted the space at the table next to her, and Link sat. She reached over and squeezed his hand, her eyes teary, and Link looked at Rhett in wonder. They smiled.

The food had begun to cool, but no one seemed to pay much attention. They ate in silence for some time, until halfway through the meal when Diane froze. All eyes went to her.

“You okay, Mama?” Rhett asked.

She looked up at him for a long moment, then turned to look at Link. “I just…”

“You just what, Di?” James prodded.

Her eyes began to fill again. “I just remembered.” She jumped up from the table and headed for the stairs. “Keep eating!” she called over her shoulder, and the men obeyed. She returned ten minutes later with tear-stained cheeks and something clutched gently in her hand.

“You fellas done with dinner?”

They nodded.

“Then come in here, please.” They pushed away from the table and followed her to the living room where she directed Rhett and Link to sit on the couch. She didn't concern herself with James, but he eyed her suspiciously as he settled into the recliner. Diane crouched down in front of the sofa and look Rhett's hand.

“Baby, I need you to listen carefully. There's somethin’ I did a long time ago that I know I shouldn't’ve. I need you to understand…” her voice cracked as the tears returned, and after dropping her head and sniffling for a moment she looked back up at him. “I should have known then. And I think a part of me did know, which is why I did it. I was scared and confused, and I saw somethin’ between you two that maybe you hadn't even seen for yourselves yet. I dunno. But I shouldn'ta done it, and I'm sorry.” She turned to Link. “To both of you. It wasn't right of me.”

Rhett's eyes were wide, his voice a whisper. “What’d you do, Mama?”

She lifted the hand in which she held a piece of paper. All eyes went to the spot, but she didn't give it over yet.

“I found it while I was cleanin’ your room. And it scared me somehow, so I kept it. All these years I kept it, like if it was lost you'd be able to let each other go when the time came. But love is more than a piece of paper, right? You stayed together anyway. And it ain't our place to decide whether you're supposed to let each other go or not. It ain't our decision to make.” She turned to look at James. “It doesn't matter how we feel about it. They're not kids anymore. They got their own lives to live.”

She handed the paper to Rhett with reverence, and he took it, holding it between himself and Link as he opened it with shaking hands. Link covered his mouth with his palm as the flash of dark red caught his eye. Rhett read aloud:

  _We, Charles Lincoln Neal III and Rhett James McLaughlin,_  
_do solemnly swear that we will do great things together._  
_We will accomplish the unimaginable together,_  
_linked for life as brothers in blood and soul._

Beneath the words were their signatures, and below that, two overlapping smears of dried blood. Rhett read and reread it in his mind, disbelieving. When he heard Link's shuddering sigh beside him, Rhett reached for his hand and squeezed it, and Link squeezed back. Then Rhett looked up at his mother.

“Thank you for keepin’ it safe for us.”

She smiled, tearful. “You're welcome, baby. I'm gonna stand by you, okay?” She looked at Link. “Both of you.”

They looked up at James. He'd been silent this whole time, and his scowl seemed fixed. But he looked between the boys, holding each of their gazes in turn, and he nodded.

***

The fireflies were out again. Rhett and Link stepped into the clearing of the cow pasture with their hands locked, and Rhett had the brief ecstatic thought that he would never stop smiling. It was so idiotic that he laughed out loud.

Link turned to him with a similar grin. “What was that for?”

“I'm just laughing at how stupid I am.”

“I coulda told you that, brother.”

Rhett laughed again. “I just have to keep remindin’ myself that it ain't gonna be like this forever.”

Link scoffed. “Why? Why you gotta do that?”

“‘Cause I'm standin’ here thinking about how this is so perfect it can't ever go away. And that's stupid.”

“Can't you just enjoy the moment?” Link stopped walking and stepped in front of Rhett, blocking his path. “Rhett, I know this ain't gonna be smooth sailing from here on out. Our parents are gonna need time to work through it, the community’s gonna backlash, and we're gonna have a lot to navigate just between us too. But we’re a team, right? We ain't doin’ this alone. We've got each other.”

There was a full moon, and at this distance Rhett could see Link's face as clear as day. The only difference was the color, or lack thereof. Everything shone in sepia tones, lit here and there by flashes of chartreuse as fireflies flitted by. Rhett's hands were drawn to Link's hair, his fingers combing into the short white cut.

“I miss your hair,” he murmured.

“My hair?”

“I miss the brown. And maybe you should think about growin’ it out so I can really get my hands in it.”

Link grinned. “Done. Anything else?”

Rhett idly massaged Link's scalp as he looked him over. “I miss your chest.”

“How has my chest changed?”

“It's covered.”

Link laughed out loud and stepped back a couple feet. He reached down to the hem of the soccer t-shirt he'd changed back into after dinner and lifted it just a few inches. For a fraction of a second Rhett was transported to the day at the pond with Megan, but instead of longing for someone he wasn't with, he was filled with a sense of gratefulness. This was real. This was what he'd always wanted.

He watched with rapt attention as Link slid the cotton fabric slowly up his torso, taunting him with an inch at a time. Rather than feel the impatience that could have nagged at him, Rhett decided to enjoy the moment. He memorized each inch of flesh as it was revealed in the pale light, until bit by bit the scene had unfolded. Link’s skin was radiant in the moonlight, and Rhett wanted to learn him by heart. He wanted to have this moment to call back to when things got difficult.

“Keep going,” he whispered. Link smiled and hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts, and he slid them down his legs, slightly faster than he'd done with his shirt, revealing his own impatience. Rhett nodded at the briefs left behind, and Link finished the job. He stood there gleaming and perfect, the moonlight both softening and articulating every edge and curve. He was visibly aroused by the anticipation of being with Rhett -- his boyfriend. His lover. His soulmate.

Link nodded toward Rhett, and Rhett took his cue. With less show, he slipped off his own shirt, pants, and underwear, and they stood together naked in the place where they'd made their blood vow. They collided in the moonlight with hungry lips and needy hands, with bodies that ached and arched as the cool grass met their skin.

Rhett let himself be here, only here. For once in his life, he let himself trust the future with the one who had always kept it safe. Link was his heart’s home. Rhett could trust him. He _did_ trust him.

As for the years ahead, they'd find their way just as they always had: together. Rhett had never been more sure of anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  __  
>  **Regarding these last two chapters and our boys' "coming out":**   
> 
> 
> I wrestled with this because I fear I'm doing a disservice to the very real difficulty of coming out, especially within a community that would tend toward homophobia. I don't want to minimize that at all, and despite the strains of tension I injected into the various coming out conversations within this story, I realize in a hypothetical reality it would have likely much been much harder than this and taken much longer for at least some of the parents to come to terms with it, if ever. Because I recognize that potential glamorization of the experience, part of me wanted to make this harder so it would reflect the reality of the situation. But I didn't, because the coming out isn't what this story is about. It was about Rhett making peace with love, Rhett learning to trust that sometimes love is worth the pain that it brings, and that Link is worth putting his heart on the line for. To inject greater tension into their coming out, even if more realistic, would have taken the focus away from that primary tension in the story.
> 
> Thank you all for joining me on this journey! It's been fantastically fun, and your comments and kudos have meant more than I can say! If you have any questions or comments, feel free to [hit me up on Tumblr](https://missingparentheses.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Also, please consider joining me for the follow-up to this story, ["A Thousand Miles"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12012987/chapters/27186195) which takes place around twenty years after this one ends.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for kudoing, commenting, and subscribing!  
> You know what time it is!


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